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How to avoid a fight
How to avoid a fight
I often find myself breaking up fights or defusing situations which could easily and quickly escalate into all out bar brawls. I know my time will come when I am not as successful, but till then, I won't give up. My friends are forever giving me grief because of my cavalier nature. One friend calls me Sir Save A Slut, another just calls me nuts. I have found a few tactics more than a little compelling and necessary when you are going to put yourself into stupidity's way. I am not advocating playing vigilante or recommending anyone follow my example and go charging blindly in. In fact, I would recommend you stay out of what is not your business. Just don't expect me to follow my own advice. I am not a big guy, at 6' and 170 lbs, but I don't have any problem getting people to back down. I don't know the tricks for starting bar fights, since I strive to end them.
1) Always exude absolute confidence.
2) Never back down.
3) Always watch your own back, don't rely on others to do it for you.
4) Be willing and able to back up what you say. (Don't call out the little guy if you can't take him AND his Ogre friend.)
5) When possible (not always possible), give the other guy a way out while saving face. If backed into a corner and ego is challenged, expect no holds barred.
***sorry for the interruption... A CELTIC DANCE STRIP TEASE???? OMFG!!! When I thought it could get no better!! Michael Flatley is a god. Now back to our regularly scheduled broadcast.***
6) Speak softly but with authority. Don't phrase your demand as a question. (e.g. Would you please go away?) Just like in relationships, yelling and screaming leads only to more yelling and screaming, initiating the Alpha battle for dominance. By speaking softly, you force the other person off guard and make them listen to you.
7) Offer to buy them a beer. I know it sounds odd, but it is a great diffuser. (Look, why don't we discuss this over a beer. What would you like to drink?)
(((I really should not try to type while there are really hot women crawling around in spandex tiger suits.)))
Come up with great lines to get them thinking. I will give a couple of the ones I've used before which I really liked.
9) Be creative.
10) Don't get yourself into too deep of a situation, because once you are in, you are commited. Don't compound a bad situation by making stupid decisions, or worse yet, stupid comments.
11) If it becomes a physical confrontation, use tactics appropriate to your opponent. Don't try to match strength with the aforementioned Ogre, don't pit speed against the wiry little guy, and don't wait around for the outcome aginst 5+ guys when you are on your own unless you are a berzerker. Don't get tied up with one guy when there are others involed against you. Only experience and/or training will teach you what you should do. If you don't have it, don't get involved.
12) Know your strengths and weaknesses. Know your limits. Don't let alcohol do your talking for you, otherwise you will be 10' tall and bulletproof only to find out the roles are reversed.
I know I thought of more, but hot chicks dancing keep distracting me. I can't help it if I have no attention span after a year and a half without sex.
A couple of my favorite quotes:
(Used on a guy who threatened to shoot me
"Boy, you are not man enough to pull a gun on me and you don't have the balls to shoot me." (At which point he reached behind him so I pinned him to the floor and proceeded to turn his face blue while racking his right hand up behind his back.)
(Against a guy who thought flashing a pistol at me would intimidate me
"Dude, that is a HighPoint 9mm. You might as well throw it at me. They are incredibly unreliable, inaccurate, tend to jam and have lousy muzzle velocity."
He didn't like that I knew more about his gun at a glance then he did.
(Against a guy who tried calling me out when I reiterated that a friend of mine was not interested in his advances. She asked him several times to go away, and I pointed out that in case he hadn't noticed, she wasn't interrested. He asked if I wanted a piece of him.
: looked around first:: "What? Only one of you? Not worth getting up. Either bring some friends, throw the first punch or just leave. Your decision." I then went back to drinking my beer while ignoring him. He didn't know what to think.
(Stupidly getting between two Ogres, both over 6'3" and both over 300 lbs. I felt like a sandwich in the making.) (them "This doesn't involve you." (me "If it is in this bar, then it does involve me. Now, are you going to involve me?"
Remember, just like singing or dancing, confrontation resolution is 90% confidence in yourself and 10% actually being able to deliver on that confidence. I sing, I don't dance. I know where my strengths and my weaknesses are.
I know I went long on this, much longer than intended. My train of thought seems rather derailed, but that is normal for me. I welcome any support or criticisms of my proposal.
8/20/2006 12:49 am
I really must figure out how to turn off the damned smilies.|