Top Ten Ways You Can Tell  

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7/23/2006 1:01 pm

Last Read:
7/23/2006 1:36 pm

Top Ten Ways You Can Tell

Scroll down to the Foreward to read this book from the beginning

Top Ten Ways You Can Tell
You Are Way Too Restless:

Number 10
Even though you’re ready for bed, after 15 minutes in a chat room, you think it’s a good idea to take another shower, put on makeup, fix your hair, and throw a raincoat on over your PJ’s to meet some stranger in the middle of a cold and stormy night long after bar time

Number 9
You straighten up your apartment just in case you wanna bring him back there

Number 8
You rush out without your driver’s license

Number 7
You forget to get really specific directions where to meet

Number 6
You park on the side of an on ramp, with your parking lights on for about 15 minutes

Number 5
You decide to turn on your four way flashers too for another 5 minutes

Number 4
You drive from the on ramp to the off ramp, making an illegal u-turn in the process

Number 3
You turn on your parking lights and four way flashers again

Number 2
You realize you have attracted the attention of a diligent cop who slowly comes into view and you decide to get the hell out of there

Number 1
You try to get your dumb ass back onto the freeway while Joe Cop moves up close behind you and your stomach sinks as you see those freakin’ red and blue disco lights of doom in your rear view mirror and get pulled over for suspicious behavior after having made an illegal u-turn, not wearing a seat belt, driving in jammies without a driver’s license, prowling around on and off ramps, flashing your brights, while trying to explain to Patrolman Pete, as politely and apologetically as possible that you were online in a chat room and you were trying to hook up with a 24 year old Jamaican college student and yes, you know you are old enough to know better, but you were restless and should join a 12 step program for sexual addiction as soon as possible!

I could tell that he was choking back the laughter as he graciously let me off with a major warning. I don’t ever think I was more embarrassed in my life, but that dude has probably been telling the story ever since.

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