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Pain will never say "goodbye"
Pain will never say "goodbye"
Frogger posted something rather interesting [post 330946] to which my initial response didn’t do proper justice. Her concerns about her current psychological state reminded me of a good friend of mine who is knee deep in something rather difficult. I thought that, by relating a bit of her story, I could better articulate what I was thinking about when I posted what I did.
“Kitten” was a woman who fell in with a group of us several times a year. We all had to attend the same trade shows for our employers year after year and, after awhile, you became friendly with familiar faces. Kitten would go out with us to bars one or two nights when she didn’t have professional obligations. We all enjoyed ourselves and had some laughs together. Kitten was a former wild child who had cleaned up her act after she got married and she seemed genuinely to enjoy these frivolous, somewhat sophomoric outings. Unfortunately, Kitten’s husband was a bit of a traditional man and he didn’t like the fact that his wife was going out to bars with strangers while she was away from him. In order to appease him she would have to call him several times during the night to “check in.” If she failed to do so, he would track her down on her cell phone and, invariably, a loud argument would ensue.
Obviously, dear reader, you are probably saying, “why didn’t she just avoid going out at these shows?” Well, that’s where the devil is in the details and where this story dovetails with Frogger’s concerns. Kitten had suppressed that part of her which wanted to be a wild child. She didn’t outgrow it. In fact, she had suppressed a rather considerable chunk of herself in order to marry her husband. She was looking to him to make her a better person. What she discovered, however, is that she was a good person already. So the compromises which she had made, the desires she had stuffed under the carpet (hubby was a dreadful lay; all take and no give), started to come back to haunt her. Kitten’s suppressed desires started to come out in all sorts of destructive ways. She began to have affairs and let those affairs compromise her professional reputation.
Some of this story cuts close to AMS but that part may or may not be told, depending upon how comfortable AMS feels in this forum. Ultimately, as this is being written, Kitten has moved out of her house and is divorcing her husband of 9 years. The full damage of what she has done over the past 18 months probably won't be known for some time.
The point of this lengthy post, if it isn’t apparent already, is to listen to yourself. If you are unhappy about your life, you can’t ignore that feeling because it will come out. Yes, some of our desires are probably based in fantasy but some of our desires are quite realizable. The tricky part is to recognize when we are wrecking our life for a silly fantasy (e.g. sleeping with Natalie Portman) and when we are acting out because the change we want is possible for us. No, there’s no formula for figuring this out. You just have to live. So, as I posted on Frogger’s fine blog, if you are happy with your conduct, don’t worry about it. If, however, that nagging voice you hear starts to get louder, listen to it. If you don’t, it will only become deafening.