where to now?  

rm_abutoo2 44M
708 posts
6/28/2006 6:31 am

Last Read:
6/30/2006 3:12 pm

where to now?

I guess there are two ways to look at my situation.
1) I can be depressed and cry about it (ok, done that)
2) I can take this chance to start my life over.

I'm for option 2. With a sprinkling of option 1. It's not often in life where a person is given the chance to start over almost from scratch. With myself being the only person that I've left to take care of then I'm free to go wherever and do whatever. What an option is that?
So, here I sit. All my adolescent fears are realized and most of them behind me. I get to go forward and start anew. I am free to move anywhere, to do anything. No restraining influence in my life. But what do I want most of all? That's the kicker. Hard question to answer. I mean do we ever know what we really truly want? Or do we just have a vague idea?

Not only am I free to move on, but this time I get to do it with confidence and self-assurance. I guess my real question to myself is this: Am I destined to be a substitute in other people's life? So, do I stay here, in this small Oklahoma town where reminders await me everyday? Or do I move on to new adventures in new, exotic places? What a choice I'm given here.

What would you do if you had the chance?

VCF1962 105F

6/28/2006 6:57 am

If I didn't have a mortgage and two cats, I'd move wherever I could. Make new memories and have new adventures - leae the past and create a future.

Travel, see the world - we are here but for the briefest moment in time.

Mistress Innuendo
Taking what you say and turning it into something naughty !!

rm_abutoo2 replies on 6/28/2006 7:33 am:
that's right. And we get older every day .

rm_abutoo2 replies on 6/28/2006 9:40 am:
take the cats with you!

safereturns 47F

6/28/2006 7:17 am

One thing about being an orphan that I like very much is my freedom from responsibility: I don't have to feel pressure or guilt for not calling on Mother's Day. I find I like the baggage-free pass through life, but it took a while to get there. And yes indeed, I feel alone when my birthday is forgotten. Everything is a trade.

And... if you read my blog (although I close old posts so you have to follow me to know me) you'll see I cast men in familial roles... my ex was called Daddy. He's now called Old Daddy. (That'll teach him.)

Buying my first house made me feel slightly connected to the community. However, I sold it and have been free to be wherever since then. One thing I'm learning is you might as well be happy in a beautiful town with great atmosphere--you have to live somewhere, pick somewhere beautiful.

I like moving, and I like change. Change isn't the answer for me, it's just a new viewpoint. Right now I'm thinking I might stay where I am for a bit, see who is under my current facade. Growth lesson time.

You asked, "Am I destined to be a substitute in other people's life?" Baby, I've wondered that too. My plaintive wail is more one of, "Why don't I have a Mommy/Daddy? Why didn't they love me? Is something wrong with me?" And I think I'm pretty much resolved: I don't because I don't, and it's going to hurt and hold me back as much as I let it. (Sometimes I let it do a mighty fine job--mainly I use it to excuse my behavior when I'm PMSing. I've played poor little wounded girl when I really just needed to align my spine and stand up.)

Whether or not you move isn't relevant. Whether or not you like the guy you move with is what matters.

rm_abutoo2 replies on 6/28/2006 7:37 am:
liking myself is definitely the key. And truthfully, I really love myself. I can be happy or not, it's up to me. I have to make that choice every day. I choose life.

canuhandle1968 48F

6/28/2006 9:18 am

Do you remember me telling you I believe there is a reason for everything... And the story about the "obstacles." The choices and possibilities are without limits...and they are yours! Your confidence and self-assurance will carry you; loving yourself will sustain you. Substitue in somebody's life; even if that's the case, you were put in someone's life for a reason...

I, personally, if given complete freedom (mind you, my kids will be grown and out on their own within the next 6 years) will become a NASCAR roadie!!! I'll get myself a custom RV and follow the #48 across the nation!! lol

rm_abutoo2 replies on 6/28/2006 9:40 am:
Woohoo! lol, and then you can treat his injuries you can follow him around and Tanya Harding his knee cap with a police baton and mend him back into good health. LOL

canuhandle1968 48F

6/28/2006 11:02 am

I'm thinkin' a little mouth to mouth for that knee injury!!! "oh... I need a nurse!"

rm_abutoo2 replies on 6/28/2006 11:29 am:
mouth to mouth or mouth to...??? lol

Addy19742 42F

6/28/2006 2:47 pm

I guess it is a leap of faith. I love to read the stories where someone went somewhere with this amount of money and became a success!

rm_abutoo2 replies on 6/28/2006 4:14 pm:
"leap of faith" is what that picture that's on this post is titled, lol.

canuhandle1968 48F

6/29/2006 4:55 am

Mouth to anywhere he wants......!!!!

rm_abutoo2 replies on 6/30/2006 3:06 pm:
hope he doesn't turn out to be gay, lol

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