Faith = Courage  

rm_abutoo2 44M
708 posts
6/15/2006 5:07 am

Last Read:
6/17/2006 11:24 am

Faith = Courage


"A coward dies a thousand deaths, a brave man only once."
How fittingly true. When I'm afraid to own up to the truth, however small or large the consequence, I have to live with myself. Not only do I have to live with being found out I get to live with the inevitable reliving of events inside of my head. The should have's, would have's, and could have's.
"I should have stood up for myself." "I shouldn't have lied to her." "That was my responsibility and instead of accepting it I blamed so and so, should have stepped up to the plate there." "I should have asked her for her number."
These are the things that keep a guy awake at night when he's feeling a bit down. The things I didn't do and wish I could have done over. Why didn't I do these? Simple... I was afraid.
The one thing I do today is I try not to let fear stop me from ever doing the right thing or from putting myself up for rejection. That's where God comes in. I have to believe that I'm going to be taken care of in all my dealings. Just so long as I'm honest and I'm genuinely trying to consider how my actions are affecting others.
That means walking away from people, that although I'm sure the time would be fun and great, I don't need to be around. Why do I stay around people that are somehow harmful to my spirit or body? Fear of being alone. That's why.

That also means being up front and honest with all the women I deal with in my life. If it's just a sexual thing, I have to tell them that. If I want more, I have to tell them that too. And not be afraid that in telling them, I may lose them. You know, they may want something different than I want. The bottom line is, is that If I'm upfront and honest with who I am, and what I want, the people that stick around are the ones that can accept me as I come. Not as they would have me be. They're going to find out who the real me is eventually anyway and then there can only be anger and hurt feelings. All because I misrepresented myself to get what I wanted.
Consentual straight sex between adults is a great thing. It becomes a very selfish thing when one of the participants is only involved with getting their nut off. With no regard for what the action is doing to their partner(s). When that happens, when someone has to lie, or be decietful, just to get laid, it becomes a very selfish thing.
That's using people. That's taking advantage. It doesn't matter how badly I think I want to have someone in my life. If I have to lie to be with her then it's never going to be. I don't even want to have to lie to someone just to get them to stop talking to me, lol. I'd rather just stand up and tell the truth.
Lies have a way of following me and biting me in my ass. They also really and truly hurt the party that was lied to. I don't like to leave people not knowing where they stand with me.
Have faith, have courage. Close my eyes, take the blind step of faith, and do the RIGHT thing.
Always. At least then when I'm lying in bed at night, remember my past, I can tell myself. Well, at least I did the best I could do. Makes it a lot easier to go to sleep with no regrets for my actions.

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