Wow!! I'm liking this!  

rm__Reality_ 105F
105 posts
8/10/2005 8:10 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Wow!! I'm liking this!


I didnt keep a diary when i was a kid. I now think i was missing out!!!!

This is great. A place to put to paper, my thoughts and feelings! I do believe it be a healing place for me!

Yesterday, a neighbor who is moving out offered some boxes of lamps, kitchen items etc to my son who is getting ready to set up housekeeping. I met her at the door and took the box despite her protestations that she would bring it in. Lol, i took it and immediately started to "go over" due to the weight. Thankfully my son was right there and rescued me.

Thats the hardest part of this "health" place i find myself in. I'm used to being strong and self reliant. How frustrating it is to be weak physically!!

I have less than half a functioning heart, grrrr, its just so aggravating to be limited. but limited i am so i need to deal with it. The hardest part for me is giving in to it. I have a handicap sticker for my car, and when i use it, i hang my head cuz I suspect folks are saying "Look at her, nothin wrong with her, why is she using a handicap parking space."

I spoke to my brother last night. I have two brothers, one has undergone heart surgery and one who is the epitome of health!! Tom, the one i spoke to, has recently been diagnosed with heart disease as well. This even tho he has always maintained himself, run in marathons, eats a extremely heathy diet and maintains his weight carefully and hasnt smoked in eons. Just goes to show ya, you can do your best to overcome genetics, but you cannot change the cards you were dealt. My Dad died of a massive heart attack at 56, his brother at 50 and their Father was young also. My father had his first attack at 35, guess we beat the odds to a degree,. my siblings and I are in our forties and fifties so

When i was growing up my brothers made my life miserable. They would call me "lazy" when i would lag behind. No one knew that i had a big ol hole in my heart that didnt show up until they cracked my chest open. Funny, i had an Uncle who died at seventeen. He'd be in his eighties now had he lived. They knew he had a hole in his heart, my GrandMother knew i did. She used to say "she has the same look that Sonny did" Doctors didnt find it, shoulda listened to Gram! lol

I think i'll put my mood as embarrassed cuz this whole invalid thing embarrasses me.

rm_songbird5419 62F
305 posts
8/10/2005 8:39 am

No reason to be embarrassed Reality...it is what it is. It'd be nice if a magic wand could be waved over you and your brothers: a wand to give you back your healthy hearts. But you're right, it's tough to beat the genetic war! I'm glad you have your family now...it's about time!! *S*

If you are strong and push through the pain and the fear, you often find that happiness is waiting for you on the other side.


rm__Reality_ 105F
67 posts
8/10/2005 10:33 am

Thanks Song, yep, for however it lasts, seems my brother has found "family".


Become a member to create a blog