28 years ago today, we lost a King  

rm__Reality_ 105F
105 posts
8/17/2005 5:20 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

28 years ago today, we lost a King


When i returned from that wonderful,eyeopening weekend, little did i know my life was about to take a turn i couldnt have predicted.

My estranged husband didnt look good, but he was an alcoholic, tho a functioning one {he worked everyday} so i assumed that was the reason. He was always thin but had a voracious appetite. One son went to school near his Fathers apt and often went there to visit. He had said that He could hear Dad hiding bottles when he'd knock on the door. He also said Dad had stopped eating. Frankly, after the years of abuse I had suffered, I wasnt interested in hearing about it. After all, this was the man who, when a housefire burned out the whole upstairs of our home, including burning the roof off, left the kids and I to cope and moved out after revealing that he hadnt paid the insurance {or the mortgage}.

He called me outside and told me that he had been diagnosed with liver and lung cancer, advanced, and was not given long. I didnt know how to cope with this news. This was a man whom I didnt have any love for, but compassion, yes, of course. I offered to let him move back in, we would take care of him. He declined and said "you live hard, you pay the price." But, what about the kids? They loved him, he was their Dad. He wouldnt budge and altho it was very apparent that he needed to be in a hospital he refused my offer to drive him and got in his car and drove to a hospital himself.

From there, he went to a hospice where he was made more comfortable. I faithfully took the kids to see him , often staying in the car when Bob would get vicious with me in front of the kids. He said he would see to it that everything was taken out of my hands, that his sister would handle things and he would see to it that his children were taken care of. How, i wondered, since his sister already had almost everything we ever owned save a burned out house that was in foreclosure as he had stopped paying the mortgage without my knowledge, long ago. To that end, he offered to give me money to move if i would take the kids away. He had watched his Father die at home, of cancer, and he didnt want the boys to see him die.

By this time, he had signed a power of attorney over to his "boss" giving him the sole right to determine Bobs care and to handle things afterwards. I was still his legal wife, but as sick as he was, he "stuck" it to me one last time. I was the outsider.

On November 1st, at his insistance, I took the boys and we moved to North Carolina. There is another story involved in that decision, but i'm not ready to put it to print. It was a bittersweet move. I was going forward, to what I perceived to be a perfect life, but at the same time, I had two fifteen years old boys who were losing a Father. Thankfully, they knew this was their Fathers wish so they were at peace with it.
Bob died December 20th. I was not the first informed and when I was informed the only duty I had was to the boys and telling them of their Fathers death. The arrangements were made without our participation as Bob had signed that power of attorney and made his last wishes clear.

Before we left for NC Bob and his sister promised us that all our possessions save the ones I agreed his sister could have, would be placed in storage. I soon discovered that no such thing had happened. I had removed the precious things, my kids baby pictures etc, to my brothers home, but the majority of our possessions, household furnishings, appleances, tv's, twenty years of accumulation, was gone. My sister in law told me the house had been vandalized after our departure and everything was gone. {When i returned from NC a year later I saw most of it in her house} but, oh well.

That chapter of our lives was over. We needed to heal and North Carolina was the place to do it.

The Love of my life was there!! Out of respect for my children, we didnt live together but he was there and a huge part of our lives. Winter rentals in NC are amazing. The kids and I were in a luxury condo complex complete with indoor pool, sauna, weight room etc. The complex was basically empty, was like a paradise just for us. The kids could heal there and hopefully leave the trauma of the last few years behind. That was my fervent hope.

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