Lonely Person Devices  

rm_Young102 40M
129 posts
1/6/2006 7:16 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Lonely Person Devices

----by Frank Zappa in a concert----

Has anybody ever seen Ms. Pinky?

(Yeahhh, wow!)

Hey, now you're gonna know what I'm talking about. We're gonna dedicate this whole song to Ms. Pinky. For those of you who don't know about Ms. Pinky: We recently visited that colorful country Finland, and were met at the airport by a gentleman named Erik. Erik sees us everytime we go to Finland, he's a very nice person. He collects autographs and gives us presents. And when we left Finland, Erik gave me a magazine to read on the airplane, it was one of his favorite books.

Now a lot of people have heard quite a bit about Danish pornography, but have you ever heard of Finnish pornography? It's real different. He gave me a Finnish pornographic magazine that had some girls in it that I couldn't even believe that they would take pictures of 'em. There was one or two in there that looked like Grace Slick but the rest of 'em were hurtin', really hurtin'. And of course the quality of the color photography was just a little bit too far in the red direction, you know, they printed too much red and they were showing a lot of girls with red shoes, big like this. But when it got down to the business-like details of that interesting zone between the legs these hunks of meat hanging down from the little bushes of hair all looked like they were horribly infected!

Anyway, thumbing through the magazine, there was an advertisement in there for a product, it's a lonely person product, and I know you have quite a few lonely person products here in Denmark: There's so many shops that are dedicated to the needs of the lonely German, the lonely Italian, the lonely American and the lonely Spanish person that drifts into your territory. Now, there are many lonely person products, you know, the most basic of all of these is the vibrator. And uh, it, it can be very usefull and entertaining used properly. But when you start branching out to little things like Rover's Reamer . . . Has anybody ever seen Rover's Reamer? It's a plastic dog dick about this long with a crank in the end of it. Now that is definitely a lonely person product, and Ms. Pinky is another one of those special lonely person products.

Ms. Pinky is shorter than the average girl because she doesn't have a BODY, all she's got is a HEAD. She's got a rubber head and her eyes are closed and her mouth is WIDE OPEN an she's got her lips rolled back over her teeth so she doesn't hurt you very much. And she's washable. So we're gonna dedicate this song to Ms. Pinky for all the good work that she has done for everybody who sent away for her in the Finnish magazine, and especially for the guy in the back who has probably got Ms. Pinky sitting in his lap right now, tucked away underneath of his overcoat, just down there, having a good time . . .

Ms. Pinky
I got a girl with a little rubber head
Rinse her out every night just before I go to bed
She never talk back like a lady might do
An' she looks like she loves it every time I get through

And her name is
P-I-N-K-Y
P-I-N I cry
K-Y don't be shy
$69.95, boy
Give her a try

Her eyes is all shut in an ecstasy face
You can cram it down her throat, people, any old place
Throw the little switch on her battery pack
You can poot it, you can shoot it till your wife gets back

And her name is
P-I-N-K-Y
P-I-N, I cry
K-Y, don't be shy
$69.95, boy
Give her a try

I got a girl with a little rubber head
Rinse her out every night just before I go to bed
She never talk back like a lady might do
An' she looks like she loves it every time I get through

And her name is
P-I-N-K-Y
P-I-N, I cry
K-Y, don't be shy
$69.95, boy
Give her a try
$69.95, boy
Give her a try (hey . . . )
$69.95, boy
Give her a try
(Your ideal computer date is here and available now.)

Magic Fingers
Ooh, the way you love me, baby,
I get so hard now I could die, aaahh!
An' ooh, the way you love me, sugar,
I get so hard now I could die (why don'tcha . . . )

Ooh, the way you squeeze me, honey,
Red balloons just pop behind my eyes, say!
Ooh, the way you squeeze me, girl,
Red balloons just pop behind my eyes, oh!

Open up your pocketbook,
Get another quarter out,
Drop it in the meter, mama
Try me on for size
(It ain't that big!)
Open up your pocketbook,
Get another quarter out,
Drop it in the meter, mama
Try me on for size

Ooo-ooo-ooo-ooh
Oh! You got that kind of love that lingers
Ooo-ooo-ooo-ooh
Hey girl! This here bed's got magic fingers

Been a-rollin' on the bed since the show got out
Now I'm gettin' weak in the knees
Must have did it eighty, ninety times
It might have been a hundred
But you're the kind of girl that I really wanna please
You're the kind of girl that I really wanna please
(Oh, girl . . . hoo!)

Do you really wanna please me?
(You know I do)
Ah, tell me why you do it
I really wanna know
(Well, it wouldn't be right
For me to tell you tonight)
You better tell me right away
Or I dress up and go!
(Don't get mad
It ain't no big thing)
You better tell me right away,
Don't you treat me cold
(HOLD IT, HOLD IT, HOLD IT, HOLD IT!)
I'm holding it
(It's good for you)
I'm holding it
(It's good for you)
I'm really holding it
(I know you're really holding it
And it's so very very good for you
I wish you'd let go off the pants now
Oh, let go off the pants!)

Bwana Dick
And if his dick is a monster
If his dick is a monster
If his dick is a monster
They will give him their hearts

Howard:
Hold it! Please hold it!
My God, Madge . . . you voluptuous New York City slit . . .
Why didn't you tell me before?
It was so hard to tell with your little blousey-poo on, but . . .
Now that I see you . . . I would have helped . . .
I didn't know you were so obviously . . . PREGNANT . . .

I've got the thing you need
I am endowed beyond your wildest
Clearasil-spattered fantasies
Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah . . .

Girls from all over the world
Flock to write my name on the toilet walls
Of the Whisky à Go-Go
For I am Bwana Dik
I am Bwana Dik
Me Bwana Dik
Yo! Me Bwana Dik
Say!

My dick is a monster
Give me your heart

Chorus:
Bwana Dik is a legend
Enormous thou art

Howard:
My dick is a Harley
You kick it to start

Chorus:
Bwana Dik speaks
The heavens will part

Howard:
My dick is a dagger
I'll force it to fit
My dick is a reamer, baby
To scream up your slit

Chorus:
Steam it!
Ream it!
Cream it!


Sex
What's the thing that they's talkin' about everywhere?
SEX
When they wanna be suave 'n debonair
SEX

What's poppin' up the most from coast to coast
SEX
At yer bongo party an' yer weenie roast
SEX

Even them Christians who is born again
SEX
Go out 'n get pooched every now 'n' then
SEX

Do ya do or don't ya don't
SEX
Bet yer lyin' if ya say ya won't

Some girls try it 'n go on a diet
Then they worry 'cause they's too fat
Who wants t'ride on an ironin' board?
That ain't no fun . . . I tried me one

Grow that meat all over yer bones
Work the wall with the local jones
'N while you do it, remember this line
The Sniffer says it all the time

"THE BIGGER THE CUSHION, THE BETTER THE PUSHIN'
THE BIGGER THE CUSHION, THE BETTER THE PUSHIN'
THE BIGGER THE CUSHION, THE BETTER THE PUSHIN'
THE BIGGER THE CUSHION . . . "

Makes no difference if yer young or old
SEX
Don't you act like it's made of gold
SEX

Ladies they need it just like the guys
SEX
Maybe you could use a protein surprise
SEX

Layin' down or standin' up
SEX
You get reals good, just keep it up
SEX

Any time, anywhere
SEX
Why d'ya think it's growin' there?
SEX

Some girls try it 'n they don't like it
They complain 'cause it don't last
Who wants to ride on a debutante?
They talks too much . . . they moves too fast

Watch the scenery while you ride
You can be very warm inside
'N when the train goes 'round the bend
Check the shrub'ry on the other end

"THE BIGGER THE CUSHION, THE BETTER THE PUSHIN'
THE BIGGER THE CUSHION, THE BETTER THE PUSHIN'
THE BIGGER THE CUSHION, THE BETTER THE PUSHIN'
THE BIGGER THE CUSHION . . . "

FRANK ZAPPA


MaggiesWishes 60F

1/7/2006 3:21 pm

My, my ... what a modd we are in. (tisk, tisk)
Hunny... sounds like you need the stress relief, plan.
Come talk to me. (crooks her finger in this direction)


rm_Young102 40M
181 posts
1/9/2006 2:44 pm


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