heavens highest hill isnt so far from a cloud.....  

rm_XxXbutterfly 50F
112 posts
8/29/2005 5:45 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

heavens highest hill isnt so far from a cloud.....

Its been a year longer then the four months they told us we had left with my mom...only because shes fought that hard to make it go away... today she was admitted to the hospital ......... whether she'll come home again its hard to say ... Sometimes ya wonder what to pray.... she tells me shes afraid .. I cant imagine it.... we ve never lied to each other and its no time to start ....all I can say is "i know mom " i tell her I wish I could make it go away........... "luanne go home" " I dont want you here " and she tries to sound like she used to sending me to my room .... i tell her " No mom ... that wont work ..... you cant protect me ...... from this one ... it s just going to have to hurt ....."
what is it about moms they wprry about our pain in the midst of so much of their own . I want to go .. run anywhere .... this is not happening ... i turn and walk away.. ....... shes so beautiful..... and brave... is this it .... she doesn't deserve this.... she s laying there afraid ... and theres nothing i can do to make it ok for her....
I used to dodge her calls .... sometimes all day... shell ask me if I did this or that ... and Ill feellike hell if I didnt get it done.... Now I wonder why she's not calling ......... and silently plead with God no ..please .... dont take her today.......... then Im ashamed ... am I being selfish ....

does someone want to tell me what to pray ? i dont think i can pray for the lord to take her today ...........................

the picture is of my backyard where i grew up in lisle illinois... she couldnt have given me a better place to grow up.

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tHERE ISNT ANY PAIN WHEN IM ON THAT CLOUD ...... I THINK ID LIKE TO ESCAPE INTO YOU TONIGHT... even if I have to come down......... but i wont call..


prettyblueyes68 48F
7 posts
8/29/2005 7:52 pm

Enjoy reading your words...thoughts. Love how you express yourself. The photo is beautiful...as is the relationship you make me "see" here. Pray the way you wrote - open, honest, with innocent, raw emotion. Pray for comfort, guidance, wisdom and serenity. Peace 'n love, girlfriend!


rm_XxXbutterfly 50F

8/29/2005 8:47 pm

tears in my eyes... its ok .. its because i didnt know i wasnt alone ... thank you ,
luanne


RailBaron2 54M

8/29/2005 9:57 pm

xxxbutterfly,I know the pain you are going thru,I lost my mother some years ago, You asked what to pray- pray for your own & your mothers peace,I will Pray for you & your Family Luanne, You are NOT alone.
Jim


rm_XxXbutterfly 50F

8/30/2005 7:03 am

thank you ...


Murffie55 57M

8/31/2005 6:29 am

When our hearts break it is best if they break open, like yours with its increasing compassion.


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