Damn I hate this....  

rm_XxXbutterfly 50F
112 posts
9/19/2005 10:19 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Damn I hate this....

my mom called .. of course to check on us .. i have been really sick with a kidney infection and ended up at the hospital Saturday... Demerol is wonderful by the way huh? it wears off though.. Anyways, my mom called this morning to check on us.. and she told me she had to go to her doctor on Wednesday for the result of that heart test... and depending on it , she would either continue with chemo .. and then ... I stopped her .... I know I was wrong... I know I know I know.. but it was some spontaneous part of me that just interjected .. stopped her from saying what would happen if the heart test says she cant take any more chemo.
I didnt even apologize or explain.. i just said "mom ,, i cant talk about that right now" and thats lame ... and I know it.. she has to be able to talk about whatever , when ever, and i need to be a support not a liability to her..
I think I ought to check out some cancer suuport groups fro families and friends of people who have cancer and are terminal.
It cant hurt ..
im so weak sometimes .. its a sorry way to have to see yourself .. Im not feeling especially proud at this moment..
I dont feel like talking anymore .


digdug41 49M

9/19/2005 10:50 am

when things feel overwhelming like that luanne you have to trust god
he'll make a way out of no way just leave it to him I am convinced that all happens for a reason and you will get it together and be there for her no matter what the outcome

roaming the cyber streets of blogland

ByteChaser2 52M

9/19/2005 10:59 am

Mom's ALWAYS understand. She may not like it, she may not even yet appreciate the gravity of your feelings about it but believe it, she understands...

warmandsexy52 64M
13164 posts
9/19/2005 1:40 pm

My thoughts and prayers are with you, sweet butterfly. Take care. Fly soon. warm xx

rm_XxXbutterfly 50F

9/19/2005 2:20 pm

thank you for your kind words and support .. it means alot to me. luanne

Become a member to create a blog