You might feel a little pressure...  

rm_VoodooGuru1 49M
2116 posts
9/29/2005 9:55 am

Last Read:
4/30/2011 12:27 am

You might feel a little pressure...

Had to borrow my moms’s car today, since mine’s in the shop with a bad electronics bug. I usually don’t mind driving her car since it’s fast and fun, but I’ve had problems occasionally... like today.

I was driving when I got the call, it was moms and she was calling from work. She wanted to know if she had left a bag on the floor of the back seat... indeed she had, and she needed it. Would I mind bringing it to her office? ‘Course not... then she concludes by saying, “It’s full of instruments that need to be sterilized, so don’t get into it.”

She had to say that, right? I wouldn’t have gotten into it, wouldn’t have cared! But she had to tell me not to get into it.

I grabbed it and put it on the front seat, opened it up and... Aaaahhhhhh!!!

Yep... it was a big bag o’speculums. And... well, there’s really no way to put this delicately... they were, um, used. Gleaming with KY residue, and God knows what else, I nearly drove into a fucking ditch.

See, moms is an Ob/Gyn nurse practitioner. She’s got two offices and has to drive the instruments, ultra sound machine, specimens, and other stuff back and forth.

Oh, I’m a womyn-positive male... see sj365’s recent post, You've Come A Long Way Baby; it never occurred to me that women were anything but equal to me. I believe the Seven Sisters should remain women’s colleges, yet the military schools were right in going co-ed. I’ve taken time to learn how the female bits work, from ovulation to ejaculation, I enjoy going down on you, the wetter the better, I think your vulva is pretty, I’ve no problem running to the store to get you tampons & chocolate, I have absolutely no problem with sex during your period, and have even been known to “pull the string” and throw it away in the middle of urgent, gotta-have-you-now sex.

... But I don’t want to see used speculums! I don’t want to be a speculum delivery boy. And you don’t want me around them either, because even with a freshly sterilized speculum, all I’m going to do with it is make quacking sounds and chase you around with it.

playfulwithyou33 56F
961 posts
9/29/2005 11:01 am

Playful ISN'T Feeling So Playful Any More...

It is with some sadness and much disapointment that I am writing this post to inform you that I WILL NO LONGER BE COORDINATING THE UPCOMING BLOGGER'S CONVENTION; nor at this time do I have intentions of attending it as well.(due to personality conflict)

Do NOT send any more checks to REED ENTERPRISES!

If you have sent in a check for the Masked Ball I will return it promptly.

I have emailed individuals regarding transportation, rideshares/roomshares--trying not to leave anything dangling. If I have caused you any inconvenience...I apologize.

Thank you for reading this and I hope you have a fun filled trip to the Blogger's Convention.


rm_DaphneR 58F
7938 posts
9/29/2005 11:25 am

Laugh, hey, I don't much like being around them either.

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.

goddessofbitches 41M/33F

9/30/2005 4:46 pm

It could have been worse. They could have been could have been bodily fluids. It could have been piss bottles.


My husband almost passed out when I went for my first ob appointment. They used one on me and he just

So..your not the only one..

Always The Bitch

watchmesquirm 46F  
99 posts
9/30/2005 5:25 pm

Kinda like being told to be quiet when in a library... coming from a natural loud-mouth this is almost impossible and I feel compelled to do or say something clamorous.

MissAnnThrope 56F
11488 posts
9/30/2005 8:09 pm

Now, just put your legs in the stirrups and relax... Trust me, turn your head and cough has nothing on that.

What did you think was in the bag? I mean, you know what your mother does for a living. You should have guessed as soon as you heard there were instruments that needed to be sterilized on the bag what they were!

I won't go into a description of going to the Gyn, although I'm dying to. But I will say I hate the spelling womyn. A: I find it sexist. B: What is the singular anyway? C: It's also pretentious. I may be a feminist, but I'm far from the Andrea Dworkin kind.

deepdish_68ed 35F

9/30/2005 8:12 pm

thanks for making me want to vomit...

rm_sj365 55F
2414 posts
10/2/2005 12:35 am

LOL @ this post & MissAnn.

and dontcha just hate when they say: "scoot down"

CuriousKitty675 41F
365 posts
10/2/2005 3:34 pm


MissAnnThrope 56F
11488 posts
10/2/2005 4:57 pm

sj, or when they say, "You're going to feel a little pinch," and it actually feels like they're trying to rip out your insides? A little pinch, hell.

Fox4aKnight1 43F

10/3/2005 1:51 am

ROTFLMFAO ......too funny hun

rm_VoodooGuru1 49M
2053 posts
10/5/2005 11:16 am

Thank you, DaphneR, madkitten, chuchotte2, goddessofbitches, watchmesquirm, MissAnnThrope, sj365 CuriousKitty675, Fox4aKnight1, shyvixen1962, and especially digdug41 - I get so few male visitors, and the few that do are usually egregiously critical... do they feel some kind of threat? And if so, why?

I got an even grosser tale that was the result of moms work... landed me in a federal holding pen in another country. I'll post it sometime.

MisterPriapus 57M
6980 posts
10/14/2005 4:22 pm

Sorry that A dubF ate your comments, but what a brilliantly quirky piece!


Been a while since they last let me out into polite society. Resurfacing, catching a breath, & catching up.

And while I got my Broad-Brimmed Pimping Hat on, could I cajole all of y'all to Comment on, Alone In A Cloud? It's probably the best thing that I've written!



caressmewell 53F

10/14/2005 7:27 pm

Too funny!

rm_VoodooGuru1 49M
2053 posts
10/14/2005 9:33 pm

Thank you both.

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