Things I Know  

rm_VoodooGuru1 49M
2116 posts
5/13/2006 5:14 pm

Last Read:
3/31/2008 12:06 pm

Things I Know

I'm an idiot... this much I know. I often make the same mistake over and over again, am passion's bitch, or just say the most inappropriate things at social events. I'm geeky, pedantic, self-absorbed, neurotic... and lately I've been masturbating too much.

However... I have learned a few things and come to a few beliefs in my 38 years besides how to produce an isoquant that maximizes technological efficiencies. Some of these include:

Simple is better than complicated.

Buy quality, it's the better value. It's better to have one sturdy, classic Coach bag than ten bags from Wal-Mart, or even Target for that matter. It's better to have one plain navy Brooks Bros. suit than five suits from the Men's Wearhouse.

Target is better than Wal*Mart.

Whenever possible, buy from local, family owned stores.

Natural fibers are better than synthetics. Except for swim suits.

Cotton type is far more important than thread count when choosing luxurious sheets; the best is Sea Island, followed by Egyptian and Pima.

Own at least one item of cashmere.

Own at least one thing from Tiffany's, even if it's only a keychain.

Line dry your laundry rather than machine dry whenever possible.

If you see someone broken down at the side of the road who looks in need of help, stop and help, especially if it is a woman.

Whenever a child asks you to buy her a book, buy the book.

In personal conflict, you'll never regret taking the high road.

In an unfamiliar and uncomfortable social setting, think about what James Spader would do or say and follow his lead.

When faced with imminent death, your life doesn't really flash before your eyes, but you get total recall of all the people you've ever loved.

It's difficult to underestimate the intelligence of Americans en masse.

Challenge your beliefs: if you are politically liberal, read National Review or research the Heritage Foundation; if conservative, read the New York Times or St. Petersburg Times, or go see the latest Michael Moore film.

Don't cheap out on tires for your car; regardless of how sophisticated and advanced your Mercedes is, or how simple your old, rusty Subaru Rat is, their tires are the only thing that touches the road. Get the best tires you can afford, and cheap out on the battery or exhaust if you must.

Chicks love (good) chocolate more than men can fathom. Not even our love of beer can rival a woman's love of chocolate.

Treat a woman well - with respect, attentiveness, tenderness, and honesty - and she will give back to you far more than what you give to her, or what you deserve.

Treat a woman really well, and she'll give you anal.

So, gentle reader, what are your thoughts on this? Agree/disagree with any of these "Voodooisms"?

Care to share any of your own wisdom?


LustyTaurus 48M  
21253 posts
5/13/2006 6:51 pm

"It's difficult to underestimate the intelligence of Americans en masse."

Who can argue with a P.T. Barnum statement like that...I believe the same holds true for Canadians...LOL

lustytaurus


rm_VoodooGuru1 replies on 5/14/2006 8:54 am:
Perhaps... but you aren't as ignorant, and Canadian stupidity is, at worst, benign.

cuteNEway 41F

5/13/2006 7:13 pm

Uuummmm does a keychain from Tiffany's competition Michael C Fina count?
(oh and I tend to agree on the anal...but not only treat us well...fuck us well...constantly tee hee)


rm_VoodooGuru1 replies on 5/14/2006 8:55 am:
Did it come in a little blue box?

Knot4Everyone 40F

5/13/2006 9:16 pm

Loved it! I'll say that I even agree with practically everything you stated. Here's one to add: Find something to smile about each and every day! Smiles, like yawns, are contagious!


rm_VoodooGuru1 replies on 5/14/2006 8:57 am:
Thank you Me4Everyone.

demonicsexkitten 41F
10671 posts
5/13/2006 10:01 pm

I love your voodooisms

wonder if i'll get any chocolate for my bday...


rm_VoodooGuru1 replies on 5/14/2006 8:59 am:
Chocolate-dipped pork rinds for DSK!

Hey everybody... it's DSK's birthday Monday!

rm_1hotwahine 62F
21091 posts
5/13/2006 10:05 pm

Deja Vu?

Okay, I'll bite. Here's a good friend's favorite Wahineism:
"Power is like tofu. The flavor depends entirely on what you cook it with."

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


rm_VoodooGuru1 replies on 5/14/2006 9:00 am:
No, deja Voodoo!

0341000014608vcb 33F
1 post
5/14/2006 12:57 am

Fuck all your relatives!


rm_VoodooGuru1 replies on 5/14/2006 9:03 am:
Hey! A Vietnamese boy! Just the guy to ask a question that's been on my mind....

If your mother lost her arms to a napalm attack, and your father lost his legs to a landmine, are you born with any limbs at all? Or are you all torso?

rm_AnOddGirl 57F
3469 posts
5/14/2006 8:30 am

Learn something new everyday.



Odds


rm_VoodooGuru1 replies on 5/14/2006 9:04 am:
Good one Odd.

MissAnnThrope 56F
11488 posts
5/14/2006 8:53 am

Simple is better than complicated.

You'll never understand women.

In an unfamiliar and uncomfortable social setting, think about what James Spader would do or say and follow his lead.

Damn, so that's what I've been doing wrong! I've been thinking of what James Woods would say or do and following his lead!

Challenge your beliefs: if you are politically liberal, read National Review or research the Heritage Foundation; if conservative, read the New York Times or St. Petersburg Times, or go see the latest Michael Moore film.

Nope. Don't you know, if you watch a Michael Moore film or read the NY Times, you're going to turn liberal and start killing unborn babies? The only reason it read Democratic Underground is to make fun on them on Free Republic, too. That works in reverse too.

Line dry your laundry rather than machine dry whenever possible.

I used to believe in this. Until I discovered how badly it faded my clothes, especially pure cotton and silk. Not to mention, they don't get nearly as soft and towels, even with fabric softener, turn to rocks.

If you see someone broken down at the side of the road who looks in need of help, stop and help, especially if it is a woman.

Who will immediately roll up all windows, panic and dial 911 on her cell, telling them the latest urban legend serial killer stalking women broken down on the side of the road with HER hair color is trying to get into her car.

Treat a woman really well, and she'll give you anal.

Not true, considering only about 10% of women are built for it and if a woman hates it, conning or cajoling her into it through "nice" actions isn't exactly noble.

Now, as far as my wisdom:

If you're feeling down on yourself, watch Jerry Springer for five minutes. You will get over it and start to feel superior to, well, the world.

You will always find that rare item you've been hunting for for 20 years when you can least afford it.

Never pee on the third rail.

Never tell a woman, "No, that outfit doesn't make your ass look fat. Your fat makes your ass look fat." Unless of course, you're feeling suicidal.


rm_VoodooGuru1 replies on 5/14/2006 9:07 am:
Fuck all your relatives!

rm_1hotwahine 62F
21091 posts
5/14/2006 10:17 am

Have you and MissAnn ever considering touring? I'm thinking small venues, no stadium stuff...it could work.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


rm_VoodooGuru1 replies on 5/14/2006 3:23 pm:
And do what? Make fun of each other? Comedy? Sex show?

demonicsexkitten 41F
10671 posts
5/14/2006 11:44 am

chocolate covered pork rinds... ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww (even if i DID eat pork lol)

it's the thought that counts of course. but then i'm not exactly sure what that thought is supposed to be

is missann right, only 10% of women are built for anal??????? very curious comment.


rm_VoodooGuru1 replies on 5/14/2006 3:25 pm:
That's why I made the comment, Ms. Hilal.

And I don't know what She's talking about. She can't be serious.

ldyforfun69 48F
3 posts
5/14/2006 4:07 pm

At the risk of sounding VERY corney (and I am a bit proud of my corniness) (is corniness a word?) I just absolutely loved your voodooism's... and a few of them touched me, truly. Would you object to my copying your list and sending it to a couple of my friends? They are people who would not only appreciate and enjoy them as much as I, but would benefit greatly from your insight...it would lighten their loads and give them a reality check...
Thanks!
PS - I hope I didn't just give you a toothache...lol...but I refuse to apologize for my mushiness...it balances the cynic in me.


rm_VoodooGuru1 replies on 5/17/2006 4:56 pm:
Readers may do anything they want with my words so long as they don't misrepresent me as the author.

rm_1hotwahine 62F
21091 posts
5/14/2006 5:08 pm

VoodooGuru1 replies on 5/14/2006 3:23 pm:
And do what? Make fun of each other? Comedy? Sex show?


I don't know, it was just a thought. But if it were me, I'd shoot for two out of three.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


rm_VoodooGuru1 replies on 5/17/2006 4:57 pm:
We could do a Penn & Teller routine.

PrincessKarma 43F
6188 posts
5/15/2006 7:01 am

I agree with everything but the anal. Any man who wantws that from me has to get as good as he gives. I will gladly don a strap-on as large as he is (or even a little more) and service his ass before he gets anywhere near mine.

What? You refuse? Well, now you know how I feel about it.


The Big Bang was the mother of all orgasms.PrincessKarma


rm_VoodooGuru1 replies on 5/17/2006 5:00 pm:
Sounds like you're into it, PK; now you know how I feel about it.

HAH!

SeekingMaleMate 54F

5/17/2006 4:17 pm

Incorrect *ass*umption: it doesn't matter HOW nice a man treats me. He'll NEVER get anal. If he wants that, he can dump me and go find himself a man to fuck.


rm_VoodooGuru1 replies on 5/17/2006 5:10 pm:
OMG, hon, what did some guy do to your poor ass to make you so angry about a little joke? Wasn't it funny?

And for the record, if you refused anal to a straight guy, and it was important enough to him that he would go elsewhere for it, he's gonna go get it from a woman. The percentage of het women who enjoy anal is pretty close to the percentage of gay men who enjoy it.

Now go get yourself some prep H and one of those round air pillows... I think the Wegman's on Military carries both.

wondertwins2006 43F/38F
138 posts
5/24/2006 10:58 pm

Just a few of my own thoughts.. quality is better than quantity, unless it's time spent with someone you love. Anal is loverly, but I've found men I wouldn't let near my backside with a penis, finger, tongue, anything. I no longer have the patience to train someone in the art of anal.


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