Retarded Design  

rm_VoodooGuru1 49M
2116 posts
9/21/2005 9:34 am

Last Read:
8/16/2013 12:12 am

Retarded Design

So, after an 85 year simmer, evolution v. creation is on the front burner in the States once again, rapidly boiling.

Frankly, I find no conflict between evolution and the Christian notion of a six day creation, but I went to a sensible northeastern Protestant church growing up, where strict, literal biblical interpretation was not exactly encouraged. For one thing, the bible doesn’t mention on what day God created time. For another, even if you want to be a biblical constructionist, the earth’s first full day wasn’t until the third day of creation, days are measured in a rotation of the earth, so just how long were those first two days with a nonexistent point of reference?

“Hogwash!” say the creationists, “The world was created in six day! 144 hours, and is only 10,000 years old!”

Personally, I have both a left-brain construct of the Creator, and a right-brain traditional Christian construct. These constructs are in frequent conflict with each other, but neither have a problem with evolution!

The churches that argue for creationism are generally the Southern Baptists, and the “born-again” Protestant churches even wackier than them (some of whom handle live rattlesnakes while speaking gibberish and baby-talk as a sign of their faith). Catholics don’t seem to get too involved in this matter, other than the insanos of the Catholic League. I suspect this due to the Vatican’s record on matters of science.

These true believer guys profess a belief in the literal interpretation of the bible... but there are no true literal biblical constructionists. Does Ralph Reed make his wife sacrifice a dove and the end of her menses? There are too many biblical contradictions to make it possible; I’ve heard the argument that God exists outside of the constraints of logic, this may be true, but submitting to a set of rules or beliefs is in itself submitting to the rules of logic.

Some of the ideas these guys use to refute hard, physical, in your face evidence are jaw-droppingly comical. Most of them explain dinosaur bones by saying dinosaurs existed with Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. A conversation with one might go something like this:

Me: ”Why didn’t Mr. T. Rex eat Adam & Eve?”

Pat Robertson: “Because Mr. T. Rex, like all the dinosaurs in Paradise, were vegetarian.... Assasinate Chavez!

Me: [Sound of jaw hitting keyboard.] “But... if... how.... What about these big fuckin’ teeth, and razor-like talons?!?”

Pat Robertson: ”Ohhhhh... don’t you see? The dinosaurs became carnivorous after Original Sin and the corruption of Paradise.... Invade Venezuela!

Me: ”I see, I see... so after Eve took a bite ... YOU MEAN THEY FUCKING EVOLVED!!!”

Then there are the creationists who don’t even try; they say dinosaurs never existed. How do they explain the bones? The dinosaur bones were scattered throughout the world by Satan to tempt us. That’s right... straight from the basket on Satan’s delivery bike to your local museum. [Sound of jaw hitting floor.]

Frankly, these guys may have the stronger hand compared to the “dinosaurs in Paradise” guys; I can’t even find the fucking words to talk about this, other than I would think that Satan would be busy enough what with all the unmarried lesbian mothers trying to get married and buy birth control pills and get jobs that he’s churning out.

So now the Falwells and Robertsons are changing their strategy and promoting “Intelligent Design,” an idea that takes the emphasis off Adam, Eve, 10,000 years, and vegetarian velociraptors and says that given all the complexities of life and the universe, an omniscient consciousness and omnipotent hand must have guided things along... (shades of Adam Smith?).

Now, I don’t have much of a problem with Intelligent Design as an idea; in fact, my left-brain construct of creation shares some of ID’s elements, I just don’t trust the motives of those promoting it.

But as I’m prone to sober analysis and questioning of anything that tries to persuade the audience, or attempts to explain the unknown, I’ve recognized some problems with Intelligent Design. Basically, if something serves no purpose, and helps no species, and especially if it hurts a species, it probably wasn’t designed by an intelligent consciousness. One might call it “Retarded Design”, like, as if George Bush or Britney Spears had designed the universe.

A few of examples of Retarded Design are:

Cancer - caused by cells mutating, or not following the RNA script... disobeying its design.
Mosquitos
The platypus
Neo-conservatives
Whoever decided it would be a good idea to cut the end of a perfectly good penis off a baby boy
Grits
Marshmallow peeps

So, beatified reader, what’s your take on all this? Care to share your own examples of Retarded Design? Am I going to hell for my blasphemy?

(If you're wondering about the pic, think Michelangelo's "Birth of Man." )


MissAnnThrope 56F
11488 posts
9/21/2005 1:14 pm

No, you're not going to hell for your blasphemy. Most thinking people do have a problem with creationism and ID.

ID really is pseudo-science. At least one text book that was oked by a school board in Texas pushes an urban legend you can find on the Snopes website. It's about how Nasa scientists discovered a missing day in time. They're all confused until a "true christian" among them speaks up and tells them a bible story about how the sun stood still. The scientists rejoice, as this explains the missing day in time. Urban legend that's been around in various forms for nearly 100 years. It never happened. However, it's made at least one ID textbook as gospel truth, as it promotes the Bible in science.

ID is a way to promote the Bible in schools. It claims that anything science can't explain, the Bible can. It tries to debunk evolution and push the claim the Earth is just a few thousand years old. It also pushes the claim that the oceans, the mountains, the deserts, etc are as they always were, are and ever more shall be. Plate techtonics be damned.

ID is due to push science in this country back 100 years, at the very least. It's unfair to children to teach them this pseudo-science, which, while they claim has scientific backing of 100 scientists, think about the size of the scientific community. Look at the number of Cal Tech and MIT grads each year.

This really is some scary stuff. If you really want to read how it's going to impact the scientific community, then a web subscription to New Scientist, even for a month, to read the old, archived articles from this summer is a good idea. The entire idea of ID is to disprove evolution. They're still screaming how are we evolved from monkeys, not getting that we're NOT evolved from monkeys, we've evolved from a long dead species that branched off into various forms of bipeds. Sheesh. Why is that so hard for these people to understand? They're as bad as Scientologists, who claim we're evolved from clams.

Now, I was born and raised to be a good Catholic. My, how they failed. But my local parish had FITS we were taught plate techtonics in grade school, (plate techtonics were discovered as the cause of mountains and the continents breaking up in the early 1960s. The church hadn't come to accept that yet.) and that we were taught evolution in high school. I'll be honest. Most of us were so damned brainwashed by religion that we didn't want to hear about Darwin, especially coming from a Catholic teacher. He had a battle with us, until he finally got us to listen. Then those of us with that upbringing had a battle at home. Do we really believe this shit? Are we going to allow a godless school system to brainwash us? THIS WAS IN NEW JERSEY, NOT SOME SOUTHERN STATE!

I really was hoping my generation would be more evolved than our parents. I guess I was wrong.

Now, some examples of retarded design?

The dodo (too easy, I know)
Pauly Shore
Paris Hilton
The Clapper
Ronco Spray-On Hair
Teletubbies


rm_FreeLove999 46F
16127 posts
9/21/2005 2:22 pm

my husband was made to the dutch reformed church (the baddy apartheid church) as a child. he was told dinosaur bones were fakes planted by satan to confuse and tempt us!!

i have had encounters with beings calling themselves god -- they are all the same being but appear in different forms --- but given what they told me, i think i might be too blasphemous to decided if you are blasphemous, so i'll skip such classification...



[blog freelove999]


HughJarse2000 47M

9/21/2005 9:43 pm

With your recent display that lacks intelligence seen at Some Things about me I have a clear example of a Retarded Design ! Hmmm . Moving on for pleasant Blogville sake

The evolution process also requires that previous generations move aside at about the right time. Aprox when they are no more assistance to their offspring. There are some interesting constants in biology relating to heart beat rate, life expectancy, reproductive age and span. Seen through many different animal worlds. That could suggest a "rule" or "law" that evolution belongs to.

Evolution through natural selection is dependent on specification and adaptation that better suits one mutation over the other in any given changing environment. For survival a species must adapt optimally . If the organism can weather many changes then reproductive rate can be slow. If a very slight change in alkalinity threatens the organism then reproductive rate must be rapid , and previous generations must perish quickly so as not to compete for the same environment.

We all know this - of course.

Which is why Cancer is a very important and necessary time dependent process that removes previous generations (usually over 40), and is very much consistent with evolution. It also removes those exposed to radiation, and other toxic influences, that threaten the likely survival rate of any offspring ( many folk living with medicines, food dyes, household cleaning products, electricity powerlines, chemical plants, fossil fuel pollution etc etc) (Most folk living in USA post 1920

As such I debate your notion that cancer is disobeying some "intelligent design" . Quite the reverse if evolution is pre-ordained by some "Almighty" , not a concept to which I subscribe but if, then cancer is very much playing its part in keeping with the "Laws"

One could consider that Lung Cancer is removing stupid people from the gene pool too.

Sorry no time to debate the others


TexasVoodoo67 49M/43F
2 posts
9/22/2005 2:49 am

MissAnnThrope - that missing day thing? Well, it's actually true... funny story about that... see, the thing is, that's kind of my fault? (Gosh, this is embarrasing.) Yeah, my bad. I took out a full page advert in the 'Times, 'Post, and USAToday to apologize... apparently you didn't see it? Ummm, well, sorry.

FreeLove999 - I know a couple of those guys too. Were yours hedge fund traders?

HughJarse2000 - if you truly meant no malevolence in the post you reference, then I truly apologize. I feel somewhat protective of that particular blogger.

Your assertion regarding cancer has some valid arguments, especially if one subscribes to the Desmond Morris school of thought... but come on, you gotta give me marshmallow peeps.


rm_VoodooGuru1 49M
2053 posts
9/22/2005 5:56 am

MissAnnThrope - that missing day thing? Well, it's actually true... funny story about that... see, the thing is, that's kind of my fault? (Gosh, this is embarrasing.) Yeah, my bad. I took out a full page advert in the 'Times, 'Post, and USAToday to apologize... apparently you didn't see it? Ummm, well, sorry.

FreeLove999 - I know a couple of those guys too. Were yours hedge fund traders?

HughJarse2000 - if you truly meant no malevolence in the post you reference, then I truly apologize. I feel somewhat protective of that particular blogger.

Your assertion regarding cancer has some valid arguments, especially if one subscribes to the Desmond Morris school of thought... but come on, you gotta give me marshmallow peeps.


beewulf9 38M

9/22/2005 7:27 am

My opinion is,

The christian way of looking at things requires someone admit that I trust in something I don't understand and may never know, but I will try to walk on water because of that belief.

The scientific way of looking at things is we don't have all the answers but I wish to try to test and try it over and over again.

I think the complication lies in how heated the discussions become between the two... it would be nice to be encouraged and supported instead of be devided.


rm_VoodooGuru1 49M
2053 posts
9/22/2005 7:32 am

MissAnnThrope - I was too glib in my response to such a well-thought comment on a subjuct you are clearly passionate about. Great arguments, some I didn't have in my bandolier such as "... we're NOT evolved from monkeys, we've evolved from a long dead species that branched off into various forms of bipeds."

I knew this, but I never really saw or understood the problem creationists have with the co-existence of monkey & man... I thought it was a deliberately specious argument.

Thank you for sharing your ideas.


rm_saintlianna 45F
15466 posts
9/22/2005 2:42 pm

If you are going to Hell I will be meeting you at the gates, this what Christians don't want, to be questioned. I got in trouble many times for questioning when I was told to accept and believe. Fuck that, look how it turned out for all those altar boys.


PrincessKarma 43F
6188 posts
9/22/2005 4:44 pm

I beg to differ about the marshmallow peeps... they look great impaled on a skewer before roasting over a campfire *mwahahahahaha*

Exaples of RD:
superglue (only good for gluing you fingers together, won't hold anthing else)
glue guns (fire hazards that only make a mess and don't stick anything at all)
concrete dividing walls on a highway that cuts through a rainforest area (road pizza, anyone?)
the sadist who invented the bikini wax (I'll stick to the razor until I can pay for the laser)

The Big Bang was the mother of all orgasms.PrincessKarma


watchmesquirm 45F  
99 posts
9/22/2005 7:10 pm

Don't you liken your self to the platypus on your profile?? Very interesting.........


MissAnnThrope 56F
11488 posts
9/23/2005 2:30 am

Voodoo, I was about to blame you for that missing day and then you have to apologize. Boy, some people.

No, they don't view it as a specious argument. They view it as a way to debunk evolution. Wanna see something really scary? Google for the "creation museum". It's being built in Petersburg, KY. This is from the FAQ:

Why is this museum needed?
Our increasingly anti-Christian country must return to a belief in the authority of the Bible and be presented with the life-changing gospel message. Evolutionary indoctrination has undermined the Christian foundations in America.

What is so different about this museum?
Almost all natural-history museums proclaim an evolutionary, humanistic worldview. For example, they will typically place dinosaurs on an evolutionary timeline millions of years before man. AiG’s museum will proclaim the authority and accuracy of the Bible from Genesis to Revelation, and will show that there is a Creator, and that this Creator is Jesus Christ (Colossians 1:15-20), who is our Savior.

If you visit the site, be sure to take the walk-through for the museum. It's now due to open in 2007. They pushed the date back a year. I'm dying to go when it opens. I'm guessing I'm kicked out before I'm halfway through the tour, as I'll be going armed with logic.

This really is some scary stuff, that's trying to push scientific progress in this country back 100 years.


demonicsexkitten 41F
10671 posts
9/23/2005 10:10 am

My little .00002 cents worth... I always felt God could make a day last as long as he pleased. So 10,000 "modern years" could very well have been "1 day" to God.


rm_ladyBgood46 61F
65 posts
10/8/2005 5:56 pm

You're David Sedaris's heterosexual twin, separated at birth, right? I haven't laughed this much at anything else I've read on AdultFriendFinder -- except perhaps those miserably written articles so delightfully skewered elsewhere on your blog.

Retarded Design: Dubya (can you say 'fetal alcohol syndrome'?), SUVs, NOLA levees, & the Pacific Northwest (let's build a megalopolis stretching from Vancouver BC all the way to San Fran right next to a bunch of *volcanoes* and *fault lines*. Yeah! Good times!)


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