The Road to Sanity  

rm_TwiztedCharm 56M
231 posts
10/5/2005 5:15 pm

Last Read:
6/6/2008 3:43 pm

The Road to Sanity

As you all have probably gathered by now, I have some deep mental and emotional issues to work through as I begin, or complete, this recovery from an emotional breakdown that happened one autumn evening on a highway in KY. That night my mind reacted to stress and mania with such force that I have trouble understanding it even today. One thing positive that came from it is that I am much more caring and feeling for others than I ever was prior to this happening.

Before that night I lived a pretty much NORMAL life with the NORMAL things....wife, two kids. two dogs, house, three cars, good job,lots of bills... You get the point I had everything that was suppose to make a person happy. When I came home from this trip, which really wasn't my first choice, I proceeded to wreck havoc on my NORMAL life. In one year I managed to destroy what took twenty years to build. All done in a state of manic depression when I couldn't control my moods and would cycle up and down so fast I felt like a basketball. I can now neatly pack the contents of my shattered existence into three travel bags. With the exception of some very good friends and my children whom I love with all my heart. I know that watching me go through this time has been hell on everyone who cares about me. I also know that I am much better mentally today than I was even six months ago. I am starting to adjust to life again and I am even beginning to put things in order to get back to my profession that at one time was earning me a very good living.

The only way I know how to sum up the last four years is to use the words of The Grateful Dead, "What a Long Strange Trip It's Been".

During this strange trip I have had many good times, made others feel better about their lives and made a positive impact on those lives. I have made friends that will last a lifetime, something I never did in forty years and watched as two women I got very close to but never had sex with got married to the next man that came into their lives. I like to believe that through just knowing me they were able to see that men were not their enemies or prey, whichever the case. God knows relationships are hard and I hope these work for a lifetime.

In some of my further writings I will share some of my memories of these years to find out if I was ever as INSANE as I believed. Maybe it was just a cruel test imposed on me by some superpower to make me see that my life had a purpose. And I thought I had the power to decide when it should end. IMAGINE THE ARROGANCE.

I do sincerely hope that this will close the loop and complete my reason for being or at least prepare me for the next test.

Thank you for listening

__Huntress__ 55M/57F

10/6/2005 12:12 pm

I don't know what it is but in every direction I turn nowadays it seems someone I know has either been through this, currently going through it, or is surviving in the aftermath ... my heart truly, truly goes out to you ... if words could heal I would wrap you warm inside them ... but no that someone, somewhere out there today felt your pain and wanted nothing more than to take it away from you ... !

rm_saintlianna 45F
15466 posts
10/6/2005 5:05 pm

I would love to hear your stories,,,,,,,,everyone has a period of time like that I think, they either learn from it or not. You did.

rm_magnet4u22 49F
18406 posts
10/6/2005 8:27 pm

I felt when I read this. I think you will be stronger because of what you have been through and will prepare you for the good things to come


okyme 52F

10/7/2005 1:56 am

Trust me your in good company here, we all have had fucked up moments in out lives....but it helps to be able to write it down between friends. I would love to hear your storys, and moments....we all can learn and share on here, and some times cry....but usually laugh So, heres some color to start with {=}
thanks for the post

rm_TwiztedCharm 56M
456 posts
10/7/2005 10:59 pm

Ladies...Thank You for your kind words

A dear friend recommended that I try this as therapy. I'm glad that she did although the only thing I have ever written in my life were service reports and invoices so this is a very strange thing to me. I love to read your blogs and think you all are wonderful writers.

Huntress... words are medicine, keep the doses coming and I'll heal

Saint... what can I say but Thank You

Mag... I do so hope you're right

okyme... the colors brought a smile to my face

sassybelle21 32F
13313 posts
10/16/2005 6:59 pm

first off, i'm sorry to hear what happened to you. it is of course a waste to have your marriage of 20 years gone down hill. on the other hand, i am glad that you have made more lifetime friends and be able to be a better person. we learn one way or another and i hope you'll be a life learner to find out the answers you want in life.

rm_TwiztedCharm 56M
456 posts
10/16/2005 10:24 pm

When I stop learning........I DIE

Thank you

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