Words! How important are they here on AFF?  

rm_Trillogy 59M
103 posts
5/16/2006 3:49 pm

Last Read:
7/25/2006 6:54 pm

Words! How important are they here on AFF?

The title of my blog is Pearls or Irritant for a reason. What are pearls of wisdom to some, are irritants to others. Yes, words are important to us here on AdultFriendFinder. We sculpt the thoughts we want others to think with them. Some have evolved it to a high art form. Others, like myself pound away at the keyboard just trying to make a sentence that makes some sort of sense.

Have you ever tried to be helpful and write something to lift someone else up and have it do just the opposite? I did that recently. I wrote a couple of letters to a person that I thought was down on themselves. I tried to make it so they didn't blame themselves for something. It was taken in a totally different direction than what I meant. I am now thought of as hurtful and they don't want me to write them anymore, at all.

So, I guess I will honor that, but feel as if they have a total lack of understanding about what I was trying to do. It's frustrating to have good intension's tainted into something else.

Ever happen to you?

redrobin012057 59F

5/17/2006 1:25 am

Self-expression and communication is one of the strongest and most natural desire we all have. The natural desire to share life with other and express who we are is one of the best ways to find peace of mind. It gives you a sense of freedom and community that brings us together and keeps us safer from trouble. Expression (of all kinds) is very healthy and healing when it comes with dealing with life. It's also good for the person listening because they can learn more about different life experiences which can eventually teach them something new and maybe even helpful.
Self-expression is essential to sanity as well. Its completely natural to talk or want to share info with others. Different forms of self-expression lead to a clearer state of mind and well being. When you express your thoughts without hesitation and complete honesty you enter a state of peace within yourself. That is a way of your body expressing to you that your self-expression leads to feeling good. Precaution and consideration should be added to insure a sense of courtesy.
When people hide their feelings and choose to stop communicating, they eventually end up depressed, delusional or confused. Self expression is a great way to relieve stress.

redrobin012057 59F

5/17/2006 1:32 am

Can I just add further to this:

We've all wanted to tell a boss, teacher, neighbor, doctor, parent, child, or friend something important that is difficult to express. Many times we wait–wisely–until we have the words "just right." Often we only need half an hour to gather our thoughts effectively. Other times it may be weeks or months before we can carefully pull out the words that convey our feelings without destroying the relationship in the process.

If we're lucky, or wait long enough, the situation may resolve itself. More often it does not. We are sure that we have to say something. But what? How can we acknowledge our egos and emotions without allowing them to take over? How can we get past our frustration?

Fortunately, there is a vehicle to facilitate that process. It is call poetry. So try writing your words in poetic form,how you feel.


rm_Trillogy replies on 5/17/2006 4:00 am:
Hi Robin, I'm smiling a bit. I'm not sure what book you are quoting these passages from, but I agree with some of what he/she says. I appreciate you taking the time to look this up for me. Thank you.

digdug41 49M

5/18/2006 7:23 pm

I don't think I've had thatproblem because I say what I mean and mean what I say. I give it to ya striaght no chaser and I dont mean to be...ah abrupt with what I write but this is a bloodless medium and I have to make sure that I get what I am saying across with nothing being misconstrued, thanks for peepin my blog I'll cyaroun no doubt.

roaming the cyber streets of blogland

rm_Trillogy replies on 5/19/2006 2:47 am:
I pretty much say what I mean and mean what I say also. But, this wasn't so much a matter of me not communicating. It was a matter of that individual's outlook. It was taken in the wrong direction not by me, but by them.

8321 posts
5/18/2006 11:20 pm

I've seen this alot recently.

You can't control how people perceive your words.

Unless they actually know you in person, there is absolutely no way to be sure they will take your words to mean what you intend them to mean.

It's really that simple.

People get upset, people get offended.

That is life.


"My every move is a calculated step, to bring me closer to embrace an early death." -Tupac Shakur

rm_Trillogy replies on 5/19/2006 2:49 am:
I suspect you are right. It's difficult enough to talk with people in person sometimes, even when you know them well. If you only know them online, that makes it even more difficult.

Thanks for coming by!

rm_Kissmystuff 61F
1435 posts
5/19/2006 11:37 am

Yes..it happened to me recently on my post of 5/3/06 titled "A Peek Into My Deeper Psyche". It was really meant as a compliment..but was taken as an insult. I apologized. But..also understand..that the gentleman in question..seems to have been going through some other things in his life. He may not have reacted the same way..at another time.

As for my words..I enjoy writing..and try to post things of interest..that are informative..or funny..or just something to make people think. I also use it as a forum for my more erotic poetry..that I can't really post on the other sites I belong to.

In the relatively short time..I've used the internet..I've found that people carry the same sensitivities..they have in real life..into this cyber world. I guess..some may get carried away with it..but..such is human nature. They would probably react the same way..in person..but maybe not have the courage to speak out about it.

Something to consider..without the actual physical presence or knowledge of a person..the emotions and imagination..are felt more strongly..then they might be otherwise.



rm_Trillogy replies on 5/19/2006 1:19 pm:
Kiss, thanks for coming by. Your words carry wisdom. Yes, the person I was trying to help was also going through some "stuff".

rm_verriberri 78F
1849 posts
5/19/2006 8:17 pm

It is a delicate and inexact medium expressing thoughts and feelings through the use of words. Even in person, we are often misunderstood. There are times for all of us when we are incapable of hearing even the most supportive and nurturing comments because we are not willing or ready to let up on ourselves. Sometimes it is not the imprecision of the words, it is the reactivity of the reader. Put it out there, observe what comes back, but try not to let it throw you if it's not what you 'wanted'.... we can't dictate how someone will receive the 'gift'.. only the energy we send it out with... and yes, I had something similar happen to me not so long ago; it worked out... but it would also have been ok if it had not.

rm_Trillogy replies on 5/20/2006 2:21 am:
I appreciate you comment and thank you.

MyHeartLost4U 52M
2303 posts
5/19/2006 10:31 pm

It happens with me sometimes too. I learned that sometimes it is best to know that giving constructive criticism to try and help an individual can sometimes backfire no matter how softly you may suggest to them.

With some people that go in to a tunnel of darkness of crisis in their lives, they tend to only focus on the darkness in front of them and not on the light that is on one end of that tunnel.

We can try to guide someone through that tunnel of darkness to the light; however, it is only up to them if they wish to be guided to that light that is there.

rm_Trillogy replies on 5/20/2006 2:23 am:
Wise words Nick. Thank you for coming by.

catseyes23 61F

5/23/2006 11:29 pm

"Have you ever tried to be helpful and write something to lift someone else up and have it do just the opposite? I did that recently. I wrote a couple of letters to a person that I thought was down on themselves. I tried to make it so they didn't blame themselves for something. It was taken in a totally different direction than what I meant. I am now thought of as hurtful and they don't want me to write them anymore, at all."

Words can often be misconstrued, especially in a venue like this. I wrote a post about along those lines. [post 299303]


rm_Trillogy replies on 5/24/2006 2:45 am:
Thank you for coming by Cats. I followed your link and read what you wrote. Very true.

rm_aWench4U 61M/61F
741 posts
7/23/2006 8:41 pm


I just recently discovered your Blog (because I decided to follow some of the local ones) so I know my comment is way late, but I still want to make it.

Written communication is one of the most crucial elements in our culture. It serves as a permanent record of events (real or fantasy), hopes, dreams, reactions to events, and on and on. It's a way to document where you are at a specific place in time, and later see how you've grown and changed, or perhaps hold even deeper to what was written. As has been stated in the comments above, so much of communication is lost in the written word, as there is no tone of voice, no inflection, no facial expressions or gestures to go by.

Several months ago, I had an experience on a Blog on a different site in which my comment was completely misunderstood, which I could tell by the comment the author made about my comment. (Follow that?) I realized he was coming from one perspective, and I was coming from a totally different one. I could have just left it alone, and gone on my way, but I really respected this guy, so I explained why I wrote what I did. He received my words of explanation and then understood what I meant. Ultimately, we became good internet friends. I often think what a loss it would have been to have just written him off, because of the comment he made on my comment on his Blog, and I am so thankful that I stepped out and tried to set things right.

There is one other thing that I wanted to share with you about the title of your Blog, [blog member]Pearls or Irritant?, which you may already know. A pearl is formed when an irritant, such as a grain of sand, gets inside the oyster's shell. The oyster produces a coating to cover the irritant, so that it no longer irritates him (or her?). The longer the oyster lives with the irritant, the bigger and more beautiful the pearl becomes. I see some real parallels in the story I shared about my Blog blunder and the formation of the pearl, and I just wanted to share that with you.

I look forward to reading more of your entries and getting to know you through them.


Remember the past but do not dwell there.
Face the future where all our hopes stand.


rm_Trillogy replies on 7/25/2006 6:52 pm:
I'm sort of chuckling. The very reason I named my blog "Pearls or Irritant" is because of the way pearls are formed inside the oyster. You see, sometimes people have conflicting views. So, it can be a bit of an irritant. Yet, when you truly try and understand another person, pearls of wisdom can start to form. Even when you disagree with someone, hopefully, you'll learn something. But, I also know, it is very difficult to put yourself in anothers shoes.

I appreciate you stopping by and commenting.

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