Spankings? To spank or not?  

rm_Trillogy 59M
103 posts
6/12/2006 4:37 pm

Last Read:
8/9/2006 11:58 pm

Spankings? To spank or not?


Corporal Punishment

When I was a little boy, if I purposefully did something wrong, I knew that I could get a spanking. I didn't get many, I doubt that I got more that 4 or 5 from my parents. I did get a swat in school once.

This fear held me back from doing a lot of things, such as: trying to fly by jumping off of a three story building, climbing over the fences to power stations, stealing and sometimes even fighting with other kids that I knew I could beat up.

It was one of the tools my parents used to guide me. Yes, I was one of the lucky ones. I had loving parents and a great childhood. So, spankings were one tool they used when I was a little boy. It was used less as I got older and other things took its place.

The end result was, I grew up respecting older people, the law and myself.

I live in Washington State. It is home to some very liberal lawmakers now. Today, parents are handicapped by state laws regarding how they raise their children. It was passed under the guise of stopping child abuse. The lines between normal parental discipline and child abuse are now being blurred by the laws.

Recently a friend of mine, a young, newly single, mother was charged with child abuse. It was the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard of. Her estranged husband, who is trying to get custody of the two children they had together, plus one that he was the step-father to, found out she had given the older two children a spanking for disobeying her. I won't give all the details of why she spanked them, but it was needed. This happened around 30 minutes prior to his picking the children up for a visit. When he found out they had been spanked, he used the new laws against her. He immediately took photos of the still red butts and went to the police and turned her in for child abuse.

The mother was confronted by two police officers a short time later and told a child abuse charge had been levied against her. She knew she hadn't done anything wrong and told them her side of the story. She said that the oldest laughed at her when she tried to spank him with her hand, so she used a wooden spoon to spank him with. She ended up charged by the police. She was told the law requires any redness to go away within 10 minutes or something like that. She was also told that a spanking could only be used to scare the child and not to cause pain.

I was floored when I heard this. And, we wonder why the kids of today are so disrespectful and nasty. We wonder why many of them that engage in crime are not worried. Yet, the parent, trying to do right, faces possible jail and lawyers fees in the thousands.

What are your feelings on this?

DIVISION77 39M  
8321 posts
6/12/2006 6:59 pm

I'm all for corporal punishment.

It's gotten to a point where disciplining your child is secondary to watching your back for those who would turn you in for child abuse.

I'm a moderate and more issue based than anything.

On this topic, I say fuck the liberals.

DIV

"My every move is a calculated step, to bring me closer to embrace an early death." -Tupac Shakur


rm_Trillogy replies on 6/12/2006 8:58 pm:
You and I think alike on a lot of issues DIV. I am also fairly moderate. I tend to lean left and right on different issues.

Sometimes the Conservatives are wrong, sometimes the liberals.

Occasionally, I am even wrong, just not often, lol.

catseyes23 61F

6/13/2006 1:23 am

How ridiculous, surely they can tell the difference between a spanking and child abuse?

Cats


rm_Trillogy replies on 6/13/2006 4:14 am:
Cats, I believe any reasonable person can tell the difference. But, these people are following a stupid law, not using common sense. It's very wrong to have this law in the first place.

I agree with you.

redrobin012057 59F

6/13/2006 4:49 am

Its gone from the sublime to the ridiculous.I have a friend who is going to get married to this guy who has 2 children from his first marriage.When my friend smacked them both for not doing as they were told, they immediately went to a local phone box to call the police saying the their step-mother had hit them.Well the police went straight away to my friends place and was questioned by the police and they had a talk to the children.The police did not press charges against my friend, as she had permission from their father to discipline them the way he would have done.The police informed my friend that it wasn't abuse - that if she hit them around the head, it would be deemed as abuse.

My own father hit my younger sister around the head constantly,she now is mentally challenged because of the beatings around the head.I wished to hell it could have been around then -(striking a child around the head is abuse)My sister is god knows where now,I have even tried to find her - but she remains hidden.Where were the laws then when my sister was abused?????It has disrupted my whole family- my father died 11 years ago, I never cried when he died, I just couldn't,my mother died when I was 13 years old.

Now that I have kids of my own, I have broken that vicious cycle, they have been spanked in the past, but as they have gotten older, they know not to do it.

But your friend, my heart goes out to her,my first husband was like that, and when we separated,he would have access to them,he would drill them about me and that I was a bad mother, even got the kids to write out to say how badly they had been treated.(Total lie) When I read the lawyers report, my mouth just dropped wide open.Its very easy for 1 parent to find fault in another when it comes to as messy custody battle.

Sorry for the length of this comment-and I wish your friend my sympathies.

Delete Comment


rm_Trillogy replies on 6/13/2006 3:18 pm:
Robin, your comments are always welcome. I am glad you shared some of the issues you have had with an ex.

My friend is a loving and good mother. She certainly doesn't enjoy giving a swat, just the opposite. So, to have her ex use this kind of thing against her is so wrong.

qyxx 59F
3267 posts
6/14/2006 5:26 pm

I think that is one of the reasons the kids today are so self-centered. They have not been subject to any discipline, or had to deal with any repercussions from their negative actions; its all about what they want, whether its right or wrong. Discipline and child abuse are two different things; one is necessary, the other is taking it to the extreme.

climbz off her soapbox

Q.


rm_Trillogy replies on 6/15/2006 11:37 am:
*Get qyxx another soap box, only higher*

I agree!

runzwithknives 59F

6/17/2006 7:26 pm

The immediate consequences of inappropriate actions or bad choices is one thing. Hitting any other person with purpose is wrong. Everytime. As one who was "spanked" with the buckle end of a belt (or whatever else is handy) until I couldn't walk to attend school and had cigarettes forced down my throat until I choked blood, denied food...well, I have broken the cycle of abuse. And no, we cannot even begin to see this while we are rationalizing our "resonablness", blaming "liberal attitudes" or believing that we know the difference between "necessary" and the "extreme". My mother believed she was reasonable in her efforts to administer disclipline too. Hugs


rm_Trillogy replies on 6/17/2006 7:42 pm:
I appreciate your comment and coming from your perspective, I can see where you are at. But, in this case, this lady was no more abusing her children than you are. But, as I said, given your perspective, I'm sure you would have a difficult time understanding that.

Thanks for coming by and thanks for your comment

rm_Kissmystuff 61F
1435 posts
6/23/2006 7:03 am

There were times I spanked my kids..but between the both of them..I could count the number of times on one hand.

I think people have gone overboard..in their reaction to the issue of child abuse. What happened to the woman you mention in your post..is totally ridiculous. People really need to use some common sense.

Kiss

Kiss


rm_Trillogy replies on 6/23/2006 11:09 am:
I feel that common sense is where the law has gone wrong. We have become a nation of laws rather than justice.

I'm like you, I might have spanked my son 2 -3 times, I'm not sure, but he knew it was an option. So, it did what it needed to do.

ellelu 49F

6/26/2006 12:22 pm

I don't know, this sounds kind of funny to me. In another life I have had many professional encounters with Child Protective Services, in Washington state. my memory is that the marks had to be visible 12-24 hours later, something like that. You're getting your friends version of what she says a police officer said to her about the law. Maybe not the same thing as the law...

CPS is usually way too busy with crack orphans and tragic real cases to spend a lot of time on something like this. More often they do nothing or too little too late, look at the papers. Not to say it's impossible, but if true, it seems those charges won't hold water for long. Regardless, sounds like your friend needs your support right about now.


rm_Trillogy replies on 6/26/2006 1:10 pm:
CPS declined the case, they said she did nothing wrong. It was the local (Bellingham) police that filed charges. She has been assured by an attorney that the charge will be easy to defend.

I feel it's a shame. I do know this person, only as a friend and I have seen her around her children. Even in stressful situations, she is careful to try and do the right thing.

If I felt she was abusing them, I would certainly be the first to say something.

As for the length of time, I may well be off on the time the redness can show. But, this was within 2 hours of the children being picked up by their dad. And, even 12 to 24 hours later, redness can show. I think the law is bad and needs to be changed. Common sense needs to be used again.

amoldenough 69F
16436 posts
7/9/2006 4:46 pm

My parents spanked us, mostly my father. My mother emotionally abused us with things like "the silent treatment". My father had an accident at work where he cut off all of the fingers on his right hand. They were able to re-attach the middle two, but they were hard and stiff. This was the hand he spanked with. Did it ever hurt. He didn't need a belt or a paddle.

I have a son who is 25 now. I used to spank him, but I tried to only spank if he had done something dangerous, like play with matches. It used to hurt my hand, so I used a ping, pong paddle. My husband used a belt, but not the buckle.

After he got older, whenever I thought about how I had spanked him when he was so little, it brought tears to my eyes, and I wished I had found an alternative. Finally one day when he was in his teens or early 20's I went to him and told him how ssorry I was for spanking him. It took a lot of courage, but I am glad I did it.

"Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened."


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