If you met this one, I think you'd run too!  

rm_ShineOnU2 54M
32 posts
8/18/2006 1:38 am

Last Read:
4/25/2008 2:48 pm

If you met this one, I think you'd run too!

My First Blog.

(Something to make you smile and allow you to see how my mind works. It's just a little one and it's too full. But THIS IS WORTH READING!)

Wow, this chick is one hot little unit, man. Let me tell ya. Unlike the rest of you dweebs, I've actually had the pleasure of spending some time with this one AND lived to tell about it. I "ll tell ya just a little bit, but remember a gentleman never tells all, okay? Well I got to her place down in Wyoming. A Beautiful place too. I’m gonna spare you guys all of the bullshit details and get right to the "meat and potatoes.” This chick is freakin’ Psycho! Now some of you guys are thinking “Cool” I like psycho. Nope! Wrong! I mean PSYCHO! Listen up fellas. When I got to her place, once I got inside, the fucking door locked behind me. I shit you not.

Did you read her “Profile” in AdultFriendFinder? First of all she says that she is “Agoraphobic,” right? Well, that just usually means that you are afraid to go anywhere. I mean I know that this is over simplifying it, but that is the essence of the symptoms, isn’t it? Okay. Well, did you notice that she didn’t answer the questions about her “Education,” “Smoking” and “Drinking?” I know why now.

The first thing that I noticed that was “out of whack” was that she is pushing around with her, always right by her side, a portable I.V. unit. (You know like the people do in the hospitals?) Oh, and of course it has to have a squeeky freakin’ wheel. I hate that! I’m just about ready to ask her about this thing when some rollie-pollie guy, (who later I find out is her butler, Jeeves), comes up to her and says “Excuse me Madame, it is time for your “Switch-Out.” She looks at me, excuses herself and this Jeeves guy whips out a quart of “Stoly” Vodka right from under his jacket, unplugs the bottle that was there and sets up the new one. He then checks the drip and then off he goes! That’s funny I hadn’t noticed that the other bottle was a bottle of Vodka? How weird. I’m like what the fuck!? She just looks at me and laughs and says, well, it kind of cuts out the middle man doesn’t it and I’ll tell you something else, it goes a lot futher this way too.” I did my best to feign a smile.

Okay, freaky enough, you’d think, right? That aint nothin guys, check this. Next, oh holy shit! She turns around now with her back to me and the entire back end to her pants are missing! I shit you not. The butt of her pants were gone! I could see her bare ass. Yes, normally that’s a good thing…this, not normal and not a good thing. The thing of it was that she had a big ol’ Fat Fucking Cigar sticking out of her ass. Oh, come on guys, I swear to ya. It was lit too! Wait, it goes on. She had this little fuckin’ midget that did nothing but follow her around with an ashtray all day long, man. I didn’t see him before, because he was just a little bitty fucker. But I’m tellin ya it was fuckin’creepy. Well, she noticed that I noticed and said to me “Oh, yes I do smoke. I’ve tried to quit but it’s got me hooked, butt, bad I tell ya. Follow me, won’t you, she says. So I do and as I am I see what appears to be a diploma of sorts on the wall. It looks official and is an attention grabber that's’for sure. So, I stop to examine it and as I read it more carefully I find that it is her “kindergarden graduation certificate!? Who in the hell even gets one of these things, let alone saves it, I think to myself. Just then I hear her whisper, right in my ear: “That is very important to me. You see they held me back in kindergarden fourteen times! So you can imagine how proud I was at eighteen when I finally graduated?” Ahh Shit! (I’m thinkin’

So, there I am with this fuckin’ agoraphobic that’s a 14 time kindergarden dropout loser that Main-lines a Quart of Vodka a Day through her wheel-about I.V. Unit with a Sqeeky Wheel, while Smoking Big Old Fat Cigars with her Ass while a Hired Midget chases after her with an Ashtray, right? (Boy, I am one sick puppy.)

We’re gonna address the fact that she has what looks like a “hair-lip” but actually isn’t. See, this also explains her “Lisp”...and her “Wandering Left eye” too. She is very sensitive about these, so no one is to ever mention them to her, It actually happened in an automobile accident that she had quite a few years back. It would seem as though she was out on a date with this guy, he was driving, she was passenger. She was evidently performing oral copulation on him, when he lost control of the vehicle and hit a tree. Well what happened, evidently was that this guy had a “Penile Implant” and when he hit this tree it shoved this “penile implant” right through her lip, her soft palate and into her brain. It even actually screwed up the muscles that contol her left eye a bit too. She now has what is commonly referred to as a “dicked-eye,” it wanders all over the place. It’s really sad though, they say that she was in a coma for almost 2 weeks and were afraid of dicks for the longest time. She still has a piece of “Dick” in her brain. They call her particular syndrome “Dick-Brain.” I understand that it is extremely rare and incurable. Poor girl.The doctors did the best they could with her face but she will always look as though she has a “Hair-lip” and talk with a “lisp” and of course be ”dick-eyed.”

We should probably bring up her “Hunch-Back” while we’re at it, don’t you think? Well, I heard that just a few years ago she was out “trolling for sex.” Well dhe was , at that time “bi-curious,” right? Well, she met a couple that was ready willing and able to accommodate her and her twisted little “Dick-Brain.” So the three of them arranged to meet at the Seattle Zoo, of all places and after hours of course. Who knows why? Kink is Kink Is Kink, I guess. Anyway, for some reason the three of them decided the place to “the deed” was going to be in the “Gorilla Cage,”. Big mistake, “Dick-Brain.” Well they checked everything thing out and they appeared to be alone, so down they scrambled. All three of them got naked and got right to it. (Wow, I’m getting a little excited too, right now, Oops!.) Well they were going at it man, snakes, just slithering all in and out and around and through eachother ahhh, it’s wonderful, even better than they could have expected. She looked up just in time to see a shooting star. This IS my lucky night, she thought. She rolled back over to rejoin her lovers, but they were gone…just gone! What! She looked around. They were nowhere to be seen. Just then it becomes very clear as to why, for standing directly over her is the biggets, ugliest, baddest smelling, freakin’ Gorilla anyone has ever seen. She tried to back up quickly, but there is no where to go. She was up against a wall. She knew not to take her eye (her one good eye) off of this thing. As she watchted him she could swear that he kinda SMILED at her. She swears to this day that he smiled! She thought this is NOT happening. This cannot be happening. She tried to run, but he just stuck out his gigantic arm and stopped her dead in her tracks. She tried kicking and screaming. That didn’t do a thing. Now as she described it to me…Well, the next thing that I knew, this, this Giant Monkey (she calls him Davey) threw me to the ground, rolled me over onto my belly and then…then…he mounted me and had his evil, evil monkey ways with me. It was just aweful and horrible. Even by the 8th time that I climaxed I still wasn’t enjoying it, I swear! Ohhh! That Evil Monkey, with his evil, evil monkey ways. Oh, is Davey still staying at the Seattle Zoo? Anyway, when his “Monkey Mahem” was over he had defiled her body so vigoously that he had shoved her pelvis up into her shoulder blades, thereby causing the appearance of what you lay people might call a “Hunch-Back.” The more technical term is “Monkey-Fucka-Fucked-Uppa-My-Backa..”

What? Oh ya, her Left arm? She actually lost that less that 2 years ago. Yep. Well after her horrifying experience with the “Dick-Brain,” and the old “Monkey-Fucka” she thought that she would try her hand at something a little less dangerous, so she went “reverse dickie” on us.Yep, she tried becoming a lesbian. Not knowing that you can’t just “become” a lesbian. You can choose to have “lesbian” sex, but you can’t choose to become a lesbian. Well anyway, just when she thought that she was getting the hang of it she was with this dyke named Stinky-Puss I think it was, well our girl was trying this new thing that she had heard of and read about called “fisting” on old Stinky-Puss. Well fisting is where the one girll takes her, oh never mind, I’ll tell ya later. Anyway, evidently just at the exact wrong time old Stinky-Puss sneezed, which caused her legs to somehow flip up and in doing so snapped our poor girls left arm right off just above the elbow. Ya know, to this day they never did recover that arm either. No one knows what happened to it…except maybe Stinky-Puss. So the doctors had to put a prostetic in place and she didn’t have a lot of money at the time, so she had that stainless steel dildo put on the end of it there. Ah yes, a girls best friend, they say. Huh? No, not her, a Dildo you idiot.

So that’s why you may hear some people call her a “Vodka Main-Lining, Butt-Cigar Smoking, Midget Abusing, Hair-lipped, Lisp-Talking,Dick-Eyed, Dick-Brained, Stinky-Puss Breathed, Dildo Armed, Hunchbacked, Bitch. If you hear that, just ignore them and remember “sticks and stones may brake her bones, but word can never hurt her.”

Man when I heard that, that was it man! You should have seen me. Oh…fuck…me…I screamed as I ran as fast as I could and dove head first out the nearest window. I ran as fast as I could to the rental car, drove to the airport and never looked back. Guys, please don’t let her find me, please? Anything you want, it’s yours, anything.
THE END (of this one)

Hydragenias 56F

8/18/2006 4:46 am

Welcome to the Blogs! You'll enjoy it here, I'm sure! Please feel welcome to stop by my blog and say Hi sometime.


rm_ShineOnU2 replies on 8/19/2006 11:09 am:
Oh, Hydra! I will never forget you now. You were the very first one to respond to my very first Blog! You were gentle, and I appreciate that. I know, it wan't really a "Blog" persay, it was more of a story, but my head was on a roll and I wanted to share.

TY - Smooch!

florallei 99F

8/18/2006 11:01 pm

OMG you are so funny and twisted!!! Loved this story!!! Have fun Shine with blogging and it is addictive so watch out, LOL

rm_ShineOnU2 replies on 8/19/2006 4:09 pm:
Hi Flo,

How embarrasing to let you see into that part of my mind! It's kind of like dropping my pants in front of you, only not as much fun. (I'm sorry, forgive me?)I need to let part of myself out to play once in a while or it may happen, on it's own, at less appropriate times, you know? It's kinda like "play with me now or play with me later...but you WILL play with me! It was fun too.

Big Ol' Hangin' Hug!

ShyWhisper2006 53F
15175 posts
8/23/2006 2:49 am

*smiles*...Okay...not sure if I should comment or just back up ...slowly *giggles*
I have to admit...that would be one heck of a memorable meeting...*grins*

rm_ShineOnU2 replies on 8/23/2006 12:06 pm:
Uh oh! I did a boo boo. Shy? You're the one that said that I should let that little bugger come out and play once in a while. Well, I did and he got on a roll and just kept going and it was so twisted and he just kept going and going and...do you forgive me?

Now just listen to my voice...You hear nothing but my voice...You are now under my complete control...You will remember nothing about this Blog...In fact when asked, you will say "What Blog?" When I give you a Hug, you will waken refreshed, remembering nothing...okay...3...2...1...OOooff!

ShyWhisper2006 53F
15175 posts
8/23/2006 3:36 pm

Blog....What Blog?
Shine did you say something?

Who...are you?

*wonders back to her blog mystified as to where she disappeared to...with a nagging attraction to ...shine y ...things*

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