The Games We Play  

rm_SammiSaysTo 43F
1085 posts
6/26/2006 10:28 am

Last Read:
8/1/2008 2:18 pm

The Games We Play


I was talking to a female friend this morning about a particular guy she may like. People who know them both, thought there was something there between them. She said she failed to notice it. She said she just didn't see it. So all of us who were chatting, encouraged her to call him and go for it. She said he had her number, but that he hadn't called yet and that she never makes the first move. So what is one to do? If the guy doesn't want to make the first move, should the girl?
So what are the rules for the first move? Are there any?

So lets say the guy says that he never makes the first move because he doesn't want to be rejected. Thats all fine and dandy, but what about the girl who puts herself out there with the chance to be rejected? Why does she have to do all the work? Ok, so just for shits and grins, lets say the girl does put herself out there and risks the rejection. She calls the guy and things are progressing nicely. But then she starts to wonder why she is doing all the work. All the initiation of conversation. Don't get me wrong, I like a challenge..but after a while it gets tiring and I tend to lose interest. Keep in mind she has been completely honest about what she wants, and feels that the other is too. But since she is doing all the work, she starts to feel it is one-sided and pulls away. She doesn't want to become a stalker! Some may think that she is playing games, but in reality it is the opposite.

Why is it so hard to just come out and say what you are feeling? So what if you get rejected? Life goes on. You learn to pick yourself up and move on. So what if the other person says they just want to be friends. If you can't accept that then say it!

It's funny, people say they don't want to play games, but often that is what happens. Unfortunately people do it without realizing it. So here they are, trying to avoid getting hurt, while in the process they are hurting others with their mixed messages.

So my whole point is...if you don't put yourself out there and risk the rejection, and I am not speaking about just relationships, how are you ever going to experience life? Life hurts...but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!

If you can't laugh, what's the fucking point!


LicIWill 52M
402 posts
6/26/2006 1:02 pm

I think you copied this from my Blog!! Seriously, there is always a chance to be hurt. If you have been hurt in the past, you know that you got over it. If you were to be hurt again, you would get over it again. Is best to lay all the cards on the table and go from there. Fear of being hurt is natural, but always wondering "what if" for the rest of your life, I believe, would suck even more!


bluman63 56M/53F  
92 posts
6/26/2006 1:25 pm

Case in point:

Babe Ruth had 1,330 career strike outs--714 Career home runs
He was quoted as saying:
"Every Strike brings me closer to the next home run"
How do we remember him today? As one of the best home run hitters of all time!!

One more baseball quote comes to my mind:

You can't steal second, with one foot on first
Take risks--that's what makes life worth living!!

Sorry, I must of has baseball on the mind!!


rm_SammiSaysTo 43F
872 posts
6/26/2006 4:16 pm

Lic....exactly my point. Unfortuantely some people go the other way and shut done after being hurt so many times. I guess I am a masochist, because no matter how much I get hurt and knocked down, I keep getting up and going back for more! I'm not sure that is a good thing...but hey I am what I am!

If you can't laugh, what's the fucking point!


rm_SammiSaysTo 43F
872 posts
6/26/2006 4:21 pm

Mrs. Blu..I love the reference to baseball...and being a Yankee fan, I can appreciate the reference to Babe Ruth!

I am writing down the last quote about stealing second. That is so true in life..and I have lifted my foot off first and I am rounding second!

If you can't laugh, what's the fucking point!


funintheday2006 56M
9659 posts
6/26/2006 11:28 pm

Opportunity always looks better going than coming, therefore I face the 'rejection' every time. Not because Im a masochist. simply because I cannot bear not knowing!! Im a master at being rejected but, the few successes make it all worth it..I think!


rm_SammiSaysTo 43F
872 posts
6/27/2006 11:11 am

Fun..I completely agree! If I could have a degree in Rejection..I would have a PhD! But I wouldn't be where I am today without that rejection and I am a HUGE believer in that everything happens for a reason. What would we learn if we got everything we went for? Have a good one!!

If you can't laugh, what's the fucking point!


farmstud60 56M

6/27/2006 5:31 pm

Sammi,

For the most part I don't think people really play games, they just don't want to limit their options. I know what often happened to me is that you didn't meet just one girl that you were interested in, it seemed you meet two or three about the same time. It is hard to know where a relationship will go after a couple meetings, and a couple of dates. If both people feel the same way, no problem. If one person likes the other one more than that person likes them back, you have a problem. Since people have a strong desire to have someone in their life, they often slow things down to give them time to sort all the possibilities out, and then find out you didn't have enough in common with any of them.

Since most people posting on a website and such have email's, and can use IM's and such, I think it is easier for a woman to say she is interested, or would like to get to know someone better using a medium that doesn't involve face to face, or even voice contact. Most guys don't want to make a woman cry, and sometimes no matter how tactfully you try and turn someone down, tears just happen.


rm_SammiSaysTo 43F
872 posts
6/27/2006 6:56 pm

Wow Farmstud..so much wisdom and in Fremont of all places! Just joking! I do agree..with technology today, often relationships can be almost impersonal, through IM, text messaging and emails. You do make a good point about meeting several people at the same time that you are interested in. I guess it just comes down to what you are looking for. Maybe I have too high of expectations, but I have never had that problem. It takes alot to turn my head and heart.

And yeah, I am sure guys don't want to make us girls cry...but I think they are just too scared that we will turn psycho on them! But we are not all like that!

If you can't laugh, what's the fucking point!


sweetmimilove 51F  
1095 posts
6/28/2006 10:42 am

Remember, Sammi, men are like buses. There is always a new one coming around the corner every 15 minutes. You don't have to get on every bus that comes along, and if you are on a bus and want to get off, you can, whenever you want. AS for games....I think that they are all fear based. People are afraid or feel uncomfortable hurting others face to face, and would rather just give hints because then they wouldn't have to face the person directly. Then there is the type that just treats someone like shit so that they don't have to do the actual rejection talk, but make things so unbearable for the other person that the other person gives "the talk". (my ex was like that). For me, I do feel uncomfortable giving "the talk", but I also can't live with myself if I don't. Over time, I eventually spill my gutts. Sometimes I distance myself from the person first. Is that what is going on? And Lic, don't worry, I'm all yours, baby. This is hypothetical.


LicIWill 52M
402 posts
6/28/2006 11:57 am

phewwwwwwww, because you really DID distance yourself!!


rm_SammiSaysTo 43F
872 posts
6/28/2006 1:08 pm

Mimi..I just love that analogy! That is so true, isn't it. Its all good though, no worries.

Lic...I was going to ask if you were padding your posts again, but it doesn't count in here!

If you can't laugh, what's the fucking point!


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