|Blogs > rm_Sallypus > Sally's Soliloquies|
They say that when I was a baby
it took me forever
to get over wanting to be touched
So they left me alone in my crib
and let me scream for hours
to teach me
the first of life's hard lessons.
So I learned that being held
was a rare delight
and if you asked it too much,
the ones you loved
would turn their backs
and not mind your tears
because you had to learn.
I learned that love was a special treat,
but that if you enjoyed it too much
well, they had to wean you off it...
or you might just get used to the idea,
and start thinking
that just maybe you deserved to be loved.
I learned that the simple delight
of being held near and dear
was something reserved for boufant blondes
in pastel party dresses
with Jon Bonet eyes
but that redheads
whose eyes tended toward ocean blue
were just not sweet enough to get hugs.
I grew up telling myself I was smart
and so strong
because I never expected much of love,
and one day found myself in your arms
craving you like a junkie...
and oh...when you loved me
I nearly lost my mind with the warm of it.
But see...deep down, I expect it to go away.
My heart doesn't expect to keep or be kept
and it's nothing you did,
or didn't do.
It's just that I expect you to put me behind you,
expect to be left alone because they taught me that,
that I was lucky to get any...
do not be greedy and even dream
that you can have it all.
But please, don't leave me behind.
I'm only scared of the dark when I'm alone,
and the sound of my own heart
is too great a clamour to bear.
9/11/2005 11:38 am
o, please unlearn what they taught you, erase what they wrote, for you are a totally amazing person (you cannot be otherwise, you write so brilliantly: i am in awe of your words), and i can't imagine you would be left behind unless you pushed... i know it is hard to erase that stuff, but it is possible... rather believe the new things that are now being written: they are more valid, and the present is more valuable than everything that is already past: make the most of it!|
yes, they taught us young that we would lack, but they were only teaching us over again what they had been taught, while what you should know now is that there is no lack of love; love is infinite and you need not fear!
9/11/2005 1:05 pm
Your observations and thoughts are so deeply true!|
Since childhood we are taught we do not deserve
to have what makes us happy - love above all.
It happens to both girls and boys. It takes a lifetime
of struggle to learn to think, feel and say openly
"I deserve to be loved", "there is nothing wrong with
needing to be loved", "love is not a weakness but
a basic need like food and fresh water". It is
so hard to unlearn. It can be done, though.
Wish you a lot of love.
9/12/2005 11:11 am
Oh sweetie... Our old notions and defense mechanisms once in place for what ever reasons .... are hard to bring down... aren't they?.... BTW... Did you even attempt to politely ask the spider to catch another ride before you went to "wacking" it with your shoe. poor thing... I'll bet it's scared to death.|
9/14/2005 10:21 am
I must say your writing has such ammazing balance and flow in such a variety of subjects. It is such a pleasure to read. That one so young can feel and express such fluid thoughts in the confines of their writing is a gift that you must continue. I look forward to you posts and insite's |
9/16/2005 7:48 pm
Hey, here is something that I might know a thing or two about.|
Wanting more love!
Redheads are the sweetest by far, and most deserving of being held dear and near.
Sally, your poem touched something primal a deep seated in us all, you are a remarkable writer, and I look forward to reading your posts every day, with your kind permission of course...
10/23/2005 7:06 pm
Wow!!!that is ..... awesome!If you ever compile your thoughs into a book ,.......please, I'm first in line. to buy. Thank you for your thoughts.|