Morning..........  

rm_RunicMage 45M
20 posts
2/20/2006 5:12 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Morning..........

I hate waking up alone.......I have come to realize that waking up alone is probably the saddest most depressing thing ever. I feel like I really screwed up with this girl because I let my guard down. I also drank way too much! Stupid....so fucking stupid. I think I made a really bad first impression. It was just that I was so nervous about everything, and I wanted to remain calm. I could feel myself getting more and more amped just from being close to her. So by trying to stay calm I got way hammered, and now she probably thinks I drink like that all the time. The silly thing is, we both agreed to keep it as fuck buddies and here I am going on about having some feelings for her. She probably doesn't even feel the same way. In fact I'm pretty sure she doesn't. I guess thats the fucked up thing. I mean I love to play and fuck and party and do all the crazy sex stuff! It's just I was always with someone when I was doing it. Now that I'm going solo it's different. I need to be more careful. I led in with my heart on this one and that was probably very dumb of me. Hey ya know I can't help being human. I hate it here so much!. So fucking alone all the time. I got no one to talk to and no one in my bed with me on a regular basis. I wish I could stop feeling this way about her. I wish I didn't ever feel anything about anyone at all. I wish I could replay the weekend because I relly blew it with her. Lesson learned. If you are going to go play watch your heart very closely. You might start having feelings for someone who is just supposed to be a fuck buddy. I'm sorry girl. I'm so very sorry.


rm_corezon 53F
3376 posts
2/21/2006 2:50 am

I keep in mind and I believe it for the truth that the people that are truly right for you will see through the outer bs and the two of you will help to balance each other. Just breathe and let it come naturally. Let it flow.


rm_RunicMage 45M

2/21/2006 9:02 am

Thanks Cor........all we can do is let it go forth and see what happens. You are one Deep Lady. Are you of the Kindred?


rm_corezon 53F
3376 posts
2/21/2006 11:20 am

I think everything and everyone is interwoven and interdependent to some degree, some parts of the tapestry are closer to each other than others; more tightly woven. We are all part of a bigger whole and see ourselves separately mainly because of the consciousness given to us as part of life in this physical self and that is why we choose to partake of it.

I think that we were both created and create, for both creator and creation so that consciousness could be shared...for the joy in the experience of existence; both the pleasure and the pain for one cannot be truly known without the experience of the other. We are all here so that none of us is ever alone, and to validate the existence of each others by our own existences. This is glory and paradox, that the foolish things confound the wise and the masters among us must be the servants of all.

I am not sure what you mean by the Kindred...I am what I am whatever that is. I am not much of a joiner of human organizations, I distrust them. All religions are manmade and many claim to be the one... I believe that claim to be essentially a human claim. No single religion owns truth nor can it encompass the whole universe anymore than a man can really comprehend the full thoughts of his maker but they have their place in society.

I believe in wisdom and truth and beauty wherever I can find it, but most of all I believe in love. Without love the rest is meaningless. Understanding brings empathy, empathy brings love, love brings right action. Right action brings life and turns darkness into light. My religion consists of the desire to be a life-giver and a light-bringer.


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