Feeling Lonely - Just ramblings... boring blog...  

rm_RoyDs 46M
3 posts
1/8/2006 11:17 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Feeling Lonely - Just ramblings... boring blog...

Just spent yesterday with an awesome friend of mine. I think I overstayed my welcome though. Left at 6 am..

She is great. Friendly, happy, and always has friends around, ages from 18 to I guess around 50. Always female. My friend is ... gay or bi. Not sure which. Let's cal her F. F is flirty, and stuff, but not more than talk when it comes down to it. That's OK, I don't think that I would want more from that relationship. I can trust her completely, and love her for who she is.

Back to the lonely. It perplexes me.

I was in a group of 5 women last night (I think all of them are bi, not too sure...) they are all fun, accepting and the lot, my friend says that they love having me around. (Must be my feminine side! LO We had fun, looking at pics on each others computer, printing a few of them, I went to go see her play ball hockey and hung out with her friends from the team afterwards. I got invited to a trampoline place by one of her friends and went with a few of them. We had fun there, went back to F's place and hung out for the rest of the night until, one by one, they all went away or to sleep...

Not me and F. We sat up, she worked and I played around on my computer helping her from time to time.

Then...6 AM.

I came home to an empty house, no one around, and went to bed. Alone. I am still alone. Funny thing that. What's funny you ask? My wife is not home. 6 AM. No wife, no note, no message on the answering machine, no nothing. Dead in a ditch? Most likely not. Most likely with her boyfriend that she went out with last night. I'll satisfy this tangent for a bit...

We are separated, still living together for the month until she takes possession of her condo. I have always had her with me by my side. 17 years. Even though we had other people in our lives and lived the polyamoury life for the last 5 years, we always kept it together. Now it's gotten to the point of not even a call.

This is out of control.

I woke up this morning to the call from my ex girlfriends mother calling me to ask me how I am. Her and my ex girlfriends sister called. (WOW! I love them! They really are wonderful people. I would have been ecstatic to have them as family.)

I hate to be alone. I hate to feel that there is no one that I am special to. Yes, there are people that are there for me, but not that one special person.

How do single people do it? I am in need of someone to be with that I can feel is with me. I am emotionally hurting and in need.

Gonna go see my parents. My father always knows what to say.

Advice? Suggestions? Anyone?


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