|Blogs > rm_RootandRed > BnK News|
A good idea goes horribly awry....
A good idea goes horribly awry....
So a little bit of background. I (Root) found a company that sold a kit so you could make a dildo from a mold of your cock. I was so intrigued by the process that I decided to go ahead and make it happen. The timing of this was in the spring of 2002, just a few months after 9/11 and in the middle of all the Anthrax mail scares. This is the letter that I wrote to the company to share my experience with their product. I think that should give you enough info to enjoy this tale of woe. Happy Reading
I thought I'd take a few minutes to relate to you my experience with your product. I'm sure you get good stories all the time: just add this one to your collection. I received my molding kit in the mail and opened it with great anticipation.
As I read the directions it became abundantly clear that without the help of an assistant, the task of capturing my .. ahem .. best possible image would be nearly impossible. Luckily, I have a very close personal friend who was ready to tackle the job. One small problem, however, she lives 2000 miles away. A barrier we felt we could overcome with miracles of modern telephony... i.e. phone sex.
I set about designing the perfect time and place for our experiment in body part casting. I had a business trip coming up, so a hotel room seemed like the ideal setting; an adult movie for visuals; a high speed internet connection for a web cam show; a phone for the auditory stimulation from my wonderful assistant; and individual room heating control (so as I pranced around naked mixing molding batters I would not get cold, subjecting me to that horrid "shrinkage"). The entire stage was set. It was perfect, or so I had thought. There is nothing funny about the current world circumstances, however, the way some of these things directly affected me is quite humorous. After a cup of coffee while reading the newspaper headlines about another anthrax scare, I headed to the airport with our company's CEO and national sales manager. Buried deep in my check-in luggage was a small cardboard box that contained the molding kit. The three of us approached the check-in counter and began the process of getting our boarding passes. It was at this point that things got interesting.
I travel frequently, yet this was the first flight I had taken since September 11th. I had not considered that the increase in airport security might extend to my checked suitcase. The color drained from my face when the gate agent said, "Do you mind if I search your luggage?"
"er ... um .... no, of course not ... you mean like right here?" I stammered.
The gate agent proceeded to point to a small folding table to the side of the counter where other agents were searching through passenger bags. This was not a simple search mind you, this was an all-out-remove-every-item-from-the-suitcase-placing-it-on-the-table- for-everyone-waiting-in-line-to-see. Normally, this would have thrilled me to no end because there was a very attractive woman nearby who was in the process of having her thong collection put on display. However, I was soon to be the one on display and I had something in my bag much more unusual than women's underwear. I felt a sudden burst of panic course through me as I realized that my co-workers would also see the items in my bag. Totally forgetting I was a grown man with natural sexual urges and desires, I instead had this ridiculous flashback of the time Mom found me reading a Penthouse magazine in my bedroom when I was about 12 years old. In this state of mind, I considered making a break for it ... running full sprint back to the car with my bag and tossing the molding kit in a trashcan somewhere....
Luckily, I was suddenly too panicked to do anything but numbly follow the gate agent to the table of my doom (that would have only called more attention to me and my luggage, not less). As flashes of men walking to the gallows shot through my mind, I began to think about the contents of the kit ...... white powder ..... blue powder ..... I was overwhelmed with nausea as it occurred to me that not only was I about to be terribly embarrassed but also questioned about the white powdery substance. "It looks just like cocaine" I thought, then I remembered the headline from the newspaper .. Anthrax discoveries continue....Oh no, I thought: I was about to be arrested; full-body cavity searches; I'd miss the plane; the client (not to mention my boss) would be terribly inconvenienced....life as I knew it before this moment would be over.
As he began to unzip my suitcase, the light of mercy shined on me. "We're going to get in the security line - catch up to us there" my boss said. (deep sigh of relief, at least the CEO wouldn't think of me as a complete sexual deviant.) Out of the suitcase came the folded pants .... then the shirts ... next socks and underwear ... revealing a simple box. The agent asked to open it, what was I going to say.... no? He pulled out the first bag of powder and a puzzled look came over his face. "What is this?" he asked. I proceed to explain while my voice cracked like a 13 year old. The agents at the table and the passengers being searched close by had begun to take interest in what had been taken out of my bag. Just when I thought it couldn't get worse: "We need to double check this." After calling for re-enforcements, two additional security personnel, a man and a woman, came to check the contents of the kit. I decided that perhaps the best course of action was full disclosure. Taking a deep breath as I tried to rid my mind of that look mom gave me all those years ago, I began what must have sounded to the small group of people watching like a Morning Wood Labs sales and training seminar. I was pointing to pictures on the instruction sheet, holding up bag A, showing the cup, making pouring and mixing gestures with bag B, and answering questions. I knew the tide had turned in my favor when the female security agent that had been called over asked with this sly smile: "What was that website address again?" I answered (while noticing that several people around me also wrote it down). The original gate agent then neatly repacked my bag and sent me on my way adding, "That was cool man, have a great day." Trying to shake it off and maybe even find some humor in this close call, I rejoined my business associates and headed off to my destination. However, that was not to be the end of my molding adventure.
The trip consisted of one day in Chicago then another flight to Denver, then back home. I had originally planned the second night of my trip to be the night of the big event. I had booked a suite with a kitchen in Denver so I would have the right equipment (i.e. bowls, spoons, etc) to properly make the mold. After the experience in my home airport, I decided that I didn't want to travel (or go through any more security checks!) with the kit again ~ so tonight must be the night. Since I was a day early and through a series of miscommunications, I was unable to get a hold of my assistant. So it looked like I would have to go it alone. I was thoroughly unprepared. This was a regular hotel room, no kitchen equipment. I decided that the ice bucket would have to do and for a mixing device, a coat hanger. I switched on the TV; started a movie; and arranged the ingredients. Another problem, no petroleum jelly in the kit. Well, since this was a night filled with improvisations, I decided that the goal was to simply slick down the hair. I was sure shampoo would accomplish that, so I soaped up and got settled in to create a worthwhile item to mold....
Once everything was .... um ... ready to go, I mixed up the molding batch. The coat hanger didn't work so well, so I began to use my hand. What a mess! I managed to get the batter into the cup, but in all the mixing and mess I had lost the most important ingredient. So with cup in hand I focused on the movie and tried to quickly get "back in the game". Once the missing ingredient had been 'reactivated,' I quickly plunged it into the cup, a quite nice feeling actually. I did fail to take into account that an erection has a certain amount of volume and will displace an equal amount of liquid from the cup. This displaced molding gel proceeded to run down the insides of my legs and drop in huge puddles on the hotel carpet. Oh well we can clean that up later, I thought. A quick glance at the clock to insure that I stayed intact for the correct amount of time and back to the porn. So there I stood, naked, watching porn with a big gulp cup hanging from my erect penis, blue gel coating my inner thighs. As if what I'd planned to be a very enjoyable experience with assistant and proper equipment in hand hadn't become difficult enough, there was a knock at the door. My co-worker!! "You wanna get a drink?"
"Um ... er.... no thanks .... I'm uh talking on the phone .... I'll see you in the morning" It was enough to get him to go away and, unfortunately, enough to take the excitement out of the moment. Thank goodness the required holding time had been reached. I carefully tried to remove the cup: it would not budge. Much to my chagrin, the shampoo had quickly dried and the hair was thoroughly ensconced in the hard molding gel. Tears welled in my eyes as I pulled the cup away, forcefully taking many hairs with it. Then I was
met with the task of removing the spilt gel that had hardened on my legs ....once more holding back tears as I was suddenly ripping hair from my inner thighs. Trying to ignore the raw feelings of pain as these red welts appeared, I quickly mixed the casting batter and poured it into the mold. I spent the next moments looking at the mold of the carpet that had been made from gel that hit the floor. Finally, hopped into the
shower to clean up, as I reflected on what had been planned versus what the actual event turned out to be....was I crazy or what?
The next morning I removed the molding from the cast to reveal a perfect likeness of me. A bit heavier, but me none the less. Amazing. As I started to put the cast in my luggage I remembered the embarrassment of airport security. If they search my bag and find a big stone penis how would I explain it ... I knew I couldn't
withstand another embarrassing search so I wrapped the cast with pages torn out of the hotel phone book and quickly boxed it up with my order form. I met my associates that morning explaining that I needed to stop at a post office today. "You're not mailing out anthrax are you?" they joked..... if they only knew.
So in case you were wondering why you received a cast wrapped in yellow pages mailed from Chicago for a guy in Georgia or why there has been a sudden increase in orders from the Atlanta airport area (could be from points much further than that, of course!)....that's the story