So this is my life?  

rm_RiskyBiz929 50M
2 posts
8/24/2006 11:39 pm

Last Read:
9/3/2006 10:41 pm

So this is my life?


I've often wonder what my life would be like if I'd done this different or I'd done that. Revisiting many of my memories over the years and knowing where I'm at right now I would regret losing out on all the wonderful experiences I currently have.
I'm originally from Minnesota and I was really outgoing and never popular in high school. Although everyone knew who I was they didn't know who I am. The quite kid that keep to himself, but participated in all the schools activities; football, wrestling, track, theater, music. Not outstanding in sports, but adequate, music was my passion and I excelled taking many awards and being named to the all state choir. I was very naive when it came to members of the opposite sex, constantly picked on beat up and was the butt of many practical jokes. Never dated anyone in high school although I had many fantasies about other women. Fortunately for me I graduated and moved on to college.
College was the best thing that could ever happen to me. Having experienced the worst 18 years of my life and being everyones scapegoat I was determined not to let that happen again. In college no one knew me and I could be anyone. Who I became was still the outgoing person, but now more confidant like I'd always hoped I'd be. Life of the party everyone friend and finally my first date. Although it was not sexual, still had good catholic morals, I enjoyed being with some one else. Now I always thought when I found the right one I'd know and then she came into my life (WOW). I'd dated a lot of different women, but this girl was my opposite half and I hers. We were doing very good and planning out our life then she told me she was pregnant. Devastated and depressed I realized that having good morals may not be all it's cracked up to be. So I go out and begin exploring my sexual oats. Two years later I graduated college and I felt the education I got was worthless but the education I got in relationships was exceptional.
The real world is not the same as living with your parents but the freedom is so much better. Come home when you want go out with who ever you want. I wanted it all. Participated in theater meeting a wonderful woman who I totally screwed things up with. The food service company I was working for needed help in Wisconsin and so I was chosen to go. When I got here I did my job and was a set to go back when I met what I considered the most beautiful and perfect woman. I couldn't leave not knowing if she was the one for me but she was with someone but I stuck around becoming her friend. She had many problems which I was always happy to help with. Then she moved without telling me. After months I started seeing other women and met someone else that did everything to make me happy. She and I were planning to be married and she was carrying our child when she decided that I was not the one for her. Despondent and devastated again I retreated inward and gave up. It cost me many things my job, my finances, and my self respect. After several months I finally had an epithany. The light finally came on and now I was determined not to allow any one to ever hurt me again. Dug out of my hole I put myself in and now I just enjoy life and all the people in it.
Now I enjoy everything life has to offer. My outlook is great and I have a wonderful 8 year old son that I love and adore. He is my life and I'm his. I like to go out now and just go with the flow. I'm singing again and just love it. I have some good friends and meet as many more that I can.
Would I change any thing in my life then? Well to be quite honest I think we all have to learn what we are made of and what we can do to better live in this sometimes comical world.

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