Mistakes Men Make With Women  

rm_PurryKitty2 48M/49F
12865 posts
2/20/2006 6:27 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Mistakes Men Make With Women

I keep reading blog posts where men are saying they can't get anywhere with a woman and don't know why so I thought I would try to help and offer some friendly advice and I am being friendly here and not bitchy I swear!

MISTAKE #1 Being Too Much Of A Nice Guy

Women don't base their choices of men on how nice a guy is. They choose the men they do because they feel a powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for them. And guess what? Being nice doesn't make a woman FEEL that powerful ATTRACTION and being NICE doesn't make a woman CHOOSE you.

I realize that this doesn't make a lot of logical sense, and it's hard to ACCEPT... but GET OVER IT.

MISTAKE #2 Trying To Convince Her To Like You - What do most guys do when they meet a woman that they REALLY like but she's just not interested?

They try to convince the woman to feel differently.

Well, I have news for you... YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HOW A WOMAN FEELS WHEN IT COMES TO ATTRACTION! Never, ever, EVER. You cannot CONVINCE a woman to feel differently about you with logic and reasoning. Think about it.
If a woman doesn't "feel it" for you, how in the world do you expect to change that FEELING by being "reasonable" with her?

MISTAKE #3 Looking To Her For Approval Or Permission

In the desire to please women, it seems some guys are always doing things to get a woman's approval or permission. Women are NEVER attracted to the types of men who kiss up to them...EVER.

Don't get me wrong here. You don't have to treat women BADLY for them to like you. But if you think that treating a woman well means "always getting her approval and permission for things", think again. You will never succeed by looking for approval. Women actually get ANNOYED at men who seek their approval.

For those men who are successful, am I right? And ladies, feel free to comment and give additional advice

I hope this helps and you dont now think I am a bitch

Purry {=}


campfirecozy 66M

2/20/2006 7:38 am

I couldn't agree more with #2 and #3, but I take issue with #1. There are so many jerks in the world that some women are startled by the 'nice guy' who stumbles into their life. Perhaps there is a scale between 'jerk' and 'wimp' where being a nice guy is acceptable.


aascrompn 42M
6444 posts
2/20/2006 8:13 am

I agree w/ all of the above... In "real life" I take a cocky/funny approach. I'm not the "good boy" who sucks up to women and seeks validation/approval. Attraction isn't a choice! If you make a woman feel attraction, there is nothing she can do to not like the guy. Great post! You must study the same things I do. The reason I'm having a hard time on this site, is b/c I'm 100% myself in my blog. I, naturally, am a nice guy. Out in the "real world", I can hide this image and be half funny and half bad boy. It really does work.

oldman1776 78M
3164 posts
2/20/2006 8:19 am

I have to agree with you.

But I do think that sucking up and being nice are to diffrent things you can be nice to a woman and not be looking for her approval or permission.

EE407 41F
3903 posts
2/20/2006 8:42 am

Perhaps you can add not passing out on her before she's had her wicked way with you????

Hugz E.

rm_JohnMacLaine 50M
585 posts
2/20/2006 9:08 am


good advice for all trying to meet someone here. Now I have a questions for you regarding #1...

what is your definition of "nice"?? Is it wimpy, is it consoling, polite, what is your definiton of being a "nice" guy. some of us out here (including myself) are really nice guys, meaning we try to be ourselves, are not rude, do not treat women like sex objects (except when appropriate) and honestly want to meet new people and hopefully find what it is they are looking for, whether it be marriage, LTR, or just a FWB. As for myself, I consider myself a nice guy because I am not the type to just forgo the "introduction" phase of a relationship. I want to get to know someone, I want to know what they like out of the bedroom as well as in the bedroom. Is that being "too nice?"



"I can retain neither respect or affection for a government which has been moving from wrong to wrong in order to defend its own immorality" Mahatma Ghandi

mattbrim69 45M

2/20/2006 9:16 am

I totally agree Purry, but it's hard not being a nice guy when you are so loveable. That is why nice guys have to make a women laugh. If you get her smiling, her heart soon follows.

fun4allin2006 53M
1583 posts
2/20/2006 9:46 am

I agree with you and I think Sweets summed it up, sometimes "there is no rhyme or reason to why". Sometimes it is just a small comment or the way they answer a question that makes one say---Hmmm now that person interests me. But I guess the easiest thing to be, is be honest and be yourself.
FUNS thoughts.

rm_1hotwahine 62F
21091 posts
2/20/2006 1:33 pm

I don't know. I don't disagree with the summary but I'm also not 100% feeling like I can relate to this. I agree that being oneself is very appealing and it irritates me when that is sacrificed in an effort to be who he thinks I want him to be (drives me nuts ugh) but I really like men who are nice and who are sensitive to what I like (on a human level as well as sexually) so I'm a little iffy on the phrasing of #1 and #3.

But mostly I agree with the essence of what you're saying.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]

rm_SprkyCplLv69 57M/50F
32 posts
2/20/2006 5:44 pm

Ok i guess i must be dense or just way old fashioned because i was taught at a young age to be polite. is there really a big differance beteen polite and being a nice guy . id sure appreciate all the help i can get cause my wife is frustrated trying to get me to see the light .lol


2/20/2006 5:44 pm

Possible antidotes for men who keep making these mistakes.

1. Be considerate and respectful at a basic level but don't really "edit yourself" just for her sake. Let your own ideas, feelings and opinions on things easily seep through but don't just try to be "proper".

Are you "proper" all the time on your own? Probably not. Then especially don't be just on her accont. "Proper" is oftentimes a straight prescription for "boring" and "lacking personality".

Even allow some native vulgarity through at the start so you can catch some weather from her on how she's respondong to that.

2. If she needs convincing the game is already lost. Use your energy wisely and simply put it to use on someone else.

Some people seem to get even more determined about this crap once they've begun the "convincing process" and they seem completely blind to the fact that they are doing the absolute reverse of what they really want.

So just give it up already.

3. I've seen too many friends of girlfriends I had complain about this one to ever catch myself in this game. Plus my nature is to be aloof and independent so those traitss do not fit in with how this "approval" thing usually operates.

But the way I usually see it manifesting is as a guy who's just asking in quite blatant terms (by his wimpy and puppy-like behavior) to be quite thoroughly pussy whipped.

Jesus! Does anyone really want that? Apparently so because it's a frequently seen phenonmenon that doesn't appear to be going away any time soon.

antidotes? Just recongnize in yourself the tendency to do it and then simply stop doing it.

Favorite Quote from a girl I knew who was damn sick of it...

"I want someone who'll stand up to me, who'll really argue for what they believe in and who has an opinion of their own , not just some puppy dog who simply follows me around with a big grin on their face and does everything I say"


rm_kelli4u2dew 41F
5220 posts
2/20/2006 6:58 pm

In the past few months, I've discovered the benefits of a "nice guy". Too nice? I dunno. I like being treated with respect, and having my feelings taken into account. What many men don't understand is that #3 is a turn off. Ingratiating does not make me think the guy is nice, just that he's insecure.

whats4dessert2 49M

2/20/2006 8:52 pm


For the most part, I'd agree with you. After all, what the hell do I know? I'm probably one of those guys that, if I were trying to meet someone would be making a whole bunch of the mistakes above. Fortunately, I'm just here looking to meet fun peeps for socializing and not for hookups so I don't have to worry.

Around the nice guy thing I'm with JohnMacLaine. I'm a nice guy. That's who I am and I won't change it for anyone. With that said I'm not a pushover. I'm old fashioned in a lot of ways. I think a man should hold a door for a woman. I think a man should open a car door for her too. I think a man should drop a woman off at the door in bad weather so her shoes don't get wet even though he may have to walk half a mile from the back of a parking lot in a blizzard alone.

I think it's great to treat my wife to presents and to buy her things "just because".

I think that it's a good thing to send my female friends notes and little letters wishing them well if they're feeling down, if they're facing some challenge or just need a little pick me up.

By too nice, I think that you may mean "a pushover". Like number 3, I'm guessing that what you were describing in number 1 was the guy that will compromise himself and the person that he is just to gain approval. THAT I will not do. My morals, my character and the person that I am. I think at a TRUE nice guy will be a nice guy all the time if you don't like who he is then he will normally be confident enough to wish you well, shake your hand or give you a hug and move on knowing that he leaves you as the same person who met you

KDR305 46M/46F

2/20/2006 11:50 pm

Isn't it funny how all of the things that attract a woman to a man in the first place are the first things she tries to stop him from doing once she "has" him?

Most of what you've said is true for the single woman looking for a single man, which makes sense in the context it's given.

Do you honestly expect me to believe that if Sail was out every day "confidently" lining up sexual conquests, you would be okay with that?

Or that if he suddenly started treating you like a useless whore, it wouldn't bother you?

Yes, all of the things you mention are great tidbits of advice on how to win a womans affection, but you've done nothing here to advise our single friends on how to KEEP that affection once it's been won.

Look back on all the advice you've just given and tell me that Sail treats you the way you are advising these poor saps to treat their girlfriends.

The way I read it, if he happens to bump into a particularly sexy stripper who expresses an interest im him... he should fuck her on the hood of her car in the parking lot, just to prove he doesn't have to ask your permission for anything.

As I said.... this might be the way to win a lady, but it's not the way to KEEP her.

Your thoughts?


ih8usrnames 40M

2/22/2006 2:29 am

I think it all comes down to being able to read minds.....

With #2 the obstacle is really being able to identify when a woman is interested in you, NOT trying to change the minds of those who aren't interested to begin with...

With #3 a man absolutely needs some sort of permission or approval from a woman (especially when it comes to sexual favour). But a man has to know when this permission has been given (he usually isn't told).

What about #1???? Yeah..ABSOLUTELY...when ya wanna get laid being nice is a total waste of time lol

Interesting post I learnt alot

singlem1969 47M

2/22/2006 11:38 am

I don't think you're a bitch Purry.
I have a GUT REACTION to your blog post so I wrote a response on my blog - [post 245863].
I do agree with some of the posters, if your sole goal is to get laid in a one-night stand, then there is absolutely no point in being "nice".
Have fun all!

singlem1969 47M

2/23/2006 5:11 am

The blog post I posted is gone and no longer posted in the previously posted position, so I've reposted. Should I just copy it here? Since this is Purry's blog, I'll do what she wants. So Purry, should I copy it here? Thanks.

soft_ntempting 40F

2/23/2006 6:53 am

Yeah, for Purry, i agree with all this that you wrote! BTW singlem1969 thanks for referring us gals now as "Wenches!" Like, I said ur nooooo gentlemen! Should let you know, I'm, posting tonight, and you might be the star of my post! A friend of mine suggested that I should do unto others as others have done to me!kapish?!?



singlem1969 47M

2/23/2006 10:41 pm

It's getting tiring having to explain everything to soft_ntempting. I didn't call all women wenches. I said, and I quote myself, "...some wenches..."

wench Pronunciation Key (wnch)

1. A young woman or girl, especially a peasant girl.
2. A woman servant.
3. A wanton woman.

I apologize to Purry for soft_ntempting having brought this to your blog. I will not respond further to anyone else but you on your blog. Thanks!

EnBlove 58M/59F
25 posts
2/28/2006 9:38 pm

I think you need help You may help somebody build self confidence. ??

ella1966 50F
1528 posts
3/2/2006 4:49 pm

PurryKitty, I tend to agree with all of the points above. I guess I made a mistake, my husband was not a "gut reaction" at all, so perhaps there is no raw passion in our marriage but I am still married to him after 15 years, so perhaps "gut reaction" can get screwed!

The sad and bitter irony is...THESE ARE ALSO THE MISTAKES WOMEN MAKE WITH MEN!!!!!!!! I found that out from bitter experience last year.

It's a small wonder any of us get in on at all, really!

Thanks Purry

ella X

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