Do you think a man should pay for everything on a date?  

rm_PurryKitty2 48M/49F
12865 posts
3/12/2006 5:30 pm

Last Read:
3/14/2006 2:11 pm

Do you think a man should pay for everything on a date?

I have a friend who actually was put off that his date didn't offer to pay for anything on their first date and I told him he better get rid of that attitude or he probably wouldn't be getting a second date!!!!

However, it now has me wondering if a woman should at least make t he offer and I am really curious to hear what everyone else thinks....

Should a woman pay something towards the date?

If not, should she at least make the offer?

Call me traditional and old fashioned, but if a man asks me out, he should expect to pay and treat me like the lady I am. If I ask him out, then I certainly expect to pay, BUT he better make the offer, hehehehehehe

Purry {=}


MyRealLoverOne 45M

3/12/2006 6:18 pm

I am from the old school....A gentleman should always pay unless there is some other arrangement made ahead of time...i.e. its his birthday...etc...

onelittlesecret 33M
1579 posts
3/12/2006 6:49 pm

You ladies are so demanding! It's a good thing you're hotter than we are.

rm_coathanger1 48M
859 posts
3/12/2006 7:00 pm

If I ask someone out I fully expect to pay. Her offering would be so strange that I'm not sure what I would think. Now if a woman was to ask me out (like that's gonna happen) I guess she should be willing to pay for the date. I would offer to pay for some of it at the least.

Tala4u2 53M  
2957 posts
3/12/2006 7:01 pm

Aaah Purry I dropped in to compliment you on your big smile and happty pic. Stuff it I forgot I was actually going to a blog and would end up reading stuff that was fun. Tala does not expect a woman to pay for anything if I have asked her out on a date. Meeting by chance I will offer to buy a drink if the company is good. If a date wants to pay towards the dates meal of buy drinks i am okay with that but it always depends on the circumstab=nces people and dating are not generic situations lol

Tala, Wizard of The Kingdom of BooBoBia, DEITY,

AmberSolaire 41M

3/12/2006 7:05 pm

of course a man shouldnt be compelled to, but they should want to anyway.


SpunkNLace 47F

3/12/2006 7:29 pm

I always offer , must times it is not excepted , but I feel better that way.

frogger1995 39F

3/12/2006 7:39 pm

First date: YES, YES, YES!!!! ALWAYS.

I am as feminist as the next...but it's just tacky not to.

FeistySyn 51F

3/12/2006 8:07 pm

I do not even offer, if he was the one who asked me out... if I suggested the date, I always come prepared to pay at least my half... so far, not a single man has let me though... I must have good taste!

Apparently the depth of depravity here is bottomless... don't you feel right at home?

swallowsdontspit 64M
276 posts
3/12/2006 9:12 pm

PK2, well this may be politically incorrect, but i believe in gender roles, i.e. let a man be a man and a woman a woman. first date, the guy pays. subsequent dates too, but nothing wrong with woman offering to pick up the check or asking about leaving the tip. prolly though in the beginning, the guy should foot the bills. of course there are always exceptions (the womans financial position is better) and extenuating circumstances. i feel early in the "dating game" , right or wrong, the woman wants to see if the guy can be a "provider" and is self-sufficent and independent. of course i might be making too much out of it, and ultimately it is up to the dating individuals to decide what works for them, and the he** with what anybody else thinks.

BlondieInOz 34F

3/12/2006 9:27 pm

Hmmmm ... having only gained my independence and lost my 'kept woman' status last year I have only a little experience of dating to base my comments on....but I have strong opinions on this and you want opinions , so....

Firstly, some men ( at least Australian and American men )seem to think that paying for an exepnsive 'night out' automatically entitles them to a 'night in', and for that reason I try to pay when the bill arrives if its a restraunt.

A man who lets me pay in full will later get a smile and a wave goodnight and I frankly wouldnt want to hear from him again unless Im in lust with him

Men who insist on sharing the cost at least reach probational status

If a man insists on paying in full, my reaction will depend on how he goes about it and his attitude towards the situation. If I find his manner presumptious, I go home alone early. If I like the way he handles it I make sure that he understands that I appreciate his gesture, even if I still go home alone

Where I can, I would try to reciprocate with a gift for him later, of similar value to the cost of the night out.

willing2tryit42 40M
1141 posts
3/12/2006 9:27 pm

Never let her pay on the first date!!! They'll revoke your southern gentleman's card. Second date only if she does it when you aren't looking.

PrincessKarma 43F
6188 posts
3/12/2006 9:29 pm

Well, I'm of the school that whomever invites, pays. That means that if I invite a man out on a first date I'm paying -no expectations!-, but I'm flexible enough to go Dutch, especially if the date desn't go too well.

The Big Bang was the mother of all orgasms.PrincessKarma

rm_zxcv758 34M
1 post
3/12/2006 10:02 pm

You are all way to caught up on money. If money matters so much why don't you just ask to see their bank statement.

Wordsmith2004 36M
7233 posts
3/12/2006 10:14 pm

It depends on how you frame things...if I'm like, " (girls nombre aqui) I feel like eattin' some Italian food tonight and I know of a great place, AND I also know that if you don't come with me you're a square, so let's roll! "

Then I'm more or less takin' her out to dinner, so I don't mind payin' for the meal, whether she ends up accompnying me or not...I was hungry. lol

However, since most of my "dates" are not techinally dates (I'm usually already going somewhere on my own and I call her up and charm her into joining me in my daily errands or something of that sort, that may turn into a more "fun" setting) then I see no reason to pay for everything she wants...

We're hanging out in that context...not on a real date or "courting."

I don't normally do the formal dinner date ritual thing...there's too many expectations... it's as if I'm suposed to be paying for her time,the pleasure of my company should be the main attraction on a date, as it is for me with her.

Things should be fluid and spontaneous, not rigid scripted roles when you get caught up in absolutes you forget what the date is suposed to be about, fun, not just a free meal!

Conserve Water and Prevent Global Warming: Shower With A MILF!

tillerbabe 55F

3/12/2006 10:23 pm

I'm traditional: If you ask me out:

Make the reservations, plan the evening
Hold the door open for me
Offer me your coat
...Bring me home and fuck me like the slut I am!

After the first an ongoing relationship and if the woman has a good job, it's ok to "help out" but I prefer to keep the chilvalry and tradition ripe!

mycin62 54F

3/12/2006 11:43 pm

Whoever invites on the first date should be the one to pay. After the first date, taking turns or going dutch is ok.

Peche85 31F

3/13/2006 12:22 am

I think the man should pay for the first date.

But I always offer anyway. I think that after the first date each person should pay for something e.g one person buys the dinner, the other gets the drinks; or at the movies one gets the tickets, the other gets the popcorn etc.

oldude1946 70M

3/13/2006 12:40 am

I pay but now days you have to go with the trend if she wants to pay for something, let her.

curious082385 31F
4925 posts
3/13/2006 1:33 am

Seems like I'm not alone on my thoughts on this one. Whoever asks should pay. After being together for a long time, things change and splitting costs up or alternating back and forth is fine.

rm_FreeLove999 46F
16127 posts
3/13/2006 5:00 am

i always offer to pay and if they decline, i thank them for paying -- both there and then, and when i say goodbye later. i also don't let someone pay twice in a row --- if they paid one time, next time it is my treat. i would just feel like a total user if i never ever paid for anything.

[blog freelove999]

im_your_man77 39M
961 posts
3/13/2006 5:01 am

I like to pay, its the way I was brought up, but I also like to think that she would be independent enough to ask if she could contribute. I don't like to to feel I'm being taken advantage of even though I am quite willing to pay. Odd, peculiar, I know I'm just weird like that, I'm paying anyway but the offer is nice to hear. When I hear someone say 'I'll pay for that' it just makes me want to pay all the more.
I guess its like when I open doors for people. I'll open doors all day long for people, strangers, friends, acquaintances but it's always nice to hear that one person that takes the time to say 'thank you'.

Babel__Fish 45F

3/13/2006 5:24 am

I depends on the man asking me out, if I know that he is strapped for money then I offer to buy... lets say a round of drinks or pay for other small things but I think that if he is asking then he knows that he is going to pay for the evening.

When I ask a man out I pay but sometimes they do not let me.


dasher121 36M

3/13/2006 5:44 am

I was brought up old school in that department. You ask a female out, you pay. Be a gentleman, expect nothing.

The Dude.

bvrhunterxxx 58M

3/13/2006 6:27 am

Hummmmm it is the 21st century and times are changing. I would exspect to pay on the first date and have no problem if sex was in the future. If not she should pay her way. After the first date and sex she would be willing to pay some after that.

im_curious_4u 50M

3/13/2006 10:15 am

I agree with your philosophy Purry, but I would still politely insist to pay even if the lady asked me out. After a few dates and once a relationship is formed I don't mind if a woman treats me to dinner, but it's never expected.

agedinwood757 63F
297 posts
3/13/2006 2:10 pm

If a person invites you for dinner or drinks they should pay, other wise offer to go dutch.

Unfortunately I have not met any gentlemen around my neck of the woods lately. Seems like they want all the perks first.


RevJoseyWales 69M/66F
14393 posts
3/13/2006 3:47 pm

ABSOLUTELY NOT! If I ask a woman out, I pay. NO EXCEPTIONS! Maybe I'm just too "Old School", but when a woman is with me, she pays nothing but the pleasure I get from her company. Joe

"McVeigh had the right idea, wrong address."

"This ain't Dodge City, and you ain't Bill Hickok."

sircookalot 51M
110 posts
3/13/2006 5:08 pm

purry, I guess I will toss in my two cents worth.
The way I would approach this situation is this, and anyone here that reads this can chime in on whether I am wrong on this. If I were to meet a woman in say, a bar, like talking to her enough that I ask her out, then my view is that I would pay, as I always do regardless, and treat it in the traditional sense.
now lets say, you meet on a site, whether it is here or in the vanila world, you exchange a number emails and the next progression is naturally to meet. You decide to meet, nothing expected- then while I would still pay and of course never ever ask for a lady to kick in- if she would at least offer, I gain alot of respect for her- mind you her offer would still not be accepted, but in this world where there are two incomes- traditional gender roles are deminishing.
And then finally, after dating a while, if I paid for dinner and she offered to pay for the movies, or coffee or a round of drinks I would gladly accept.
If I am wrong in this view I would welcome hearing it.


Jory72 44M  
1420 posts
3/13/2006 6:53 pm

I'm of old school in a way also. I believe with purr, and frogger. the guy should pay. and as for if she ask's him then he should at least offer to pitch in. I always pay unless I am met with unstoppable, total insistance that they at least be able to pitch in some. then I still cover most of the bill.

papyrina 50F
21133 posts
3/14/2006 1:15 am

In GReece i wouldn't dream of offering to pay,all old school here,in England i used to offer but most guys i've dated were old school,i like my gentlemans and not just on the money part,doors opend,man walking on the outside of the path,ect ect

I'm a

i'm here to stay

papyrina 50F
21133 posts
3/14/2006 1:17 am

even going out with friends without hubby,the men automatically pay even when i offer,the looks of discust are something else

I'm a

i'm here to stay

lickingyouwell 56M

3/14/2006 5:09 am

You know, I very much like your response....takes into consideration everyone's feelings, calls a spade a spade and maintains mutual respect. I will not take a woman out if I do not expect to pay, if I don't like her enough to this is part of "guys being assholes" when they expect something in return. The company is the important "gain" of a date --what happens afterwards is between the two peole.....Suffice it to say, I like your attitude and approach. Best.

niceguy0865 66M

3/14/2006 6:33 am

I think "the man always pays" is 'way passe.... C'mon ladies... this is the 90's. You wanted parity... then, herein, you say parity is OK as long as you get what you want at a man's expense...

My feelings about this are these: I respect a woman much more if she OFFERS to split costs... even on a first date. (I will decline, of course...).

If the friendship/relationship develops, I think two partners should become accustomed to a sharing of the costs they incur for the entertainment they share.... After all, men are not universally more-well-off than women, as was the case when it was traditional for the gentleman to always take the tab...

If a woman were to make it clear to me that she expects me to accept the burden of all the costs of our entertainment,... then I will expect her to act as if she is "paid accompanyment."

rm_SeriousFun2 55M
38 posts
3/14/2006 12:13 pm

If a woman wants true equality then she should follow the same rules as a man - either split all the expenses or pay for the whole date if she asks someone out, whichever set of rules the two agree on. If a woman prefers a more traditional role then she should expect the man to pay.

I'm a traditionalist. I always pay for everything. Except for the time my (now) ex-girlfriend took me out for my birthday. I'm hoping to meet her out in Vegas later this year and I will still pay for everything, including her air and hotel, even though we are just friends now and no longer intimate.

I don't think there is anything wrong with a woman paying her own way. Everyone is free to makle their own decisions in that regard. But if I were on a date with a woman and she insisted on paying it would be our last date.

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