Can Human Beings Be Monagamous?  

rm_PurryKitty2 48M/49F
12865 posts
5/12/2006 12:33 pm

Last Read:
5/13/2006 11:34 am

Can Human Beings Be Monagamous?

First, this is inspired by [blog colcouple4f00] 's post What if the Hokie Pokie really is what it's all about? GO CHECK THEM OUT! I really like their blog!

I think she is onto something! Are humans really able to be monagamous?

I know for the past 12 years I have been faithful to Sail (BTW, he is the only man I have ever been faithful too) but now that we are in this lifestyle, oh what fun it is to be able to look at another man, flirt openly, have sex with him, and NOT feel guilty about it.

So, do you think humans are designed to be monagamous?

Purry {=}


mycin62 54F

5/12/2006 12:42 pm

I don't think so. At least, I know I can't be We have an open marriage, works well for us. We both play seperately and together. I NEVER cheat, he knows all, not the details, if he wants he can have the details, but he knows I play with Mr. Hottie. I've actually met his fwb, she's really nice. It's not for everybody, but it works for us.

rm_PurryKitty2 replies on 5/12/2006 1:00 pm:
Lucky you. Not sure how I would handle Sail going on a date without me????

meerkittykat 42F

5/12/2006 12:44 pm


I always thought so, but not anymore. I'm involved with two different people, and I never saw that one coming. I think if you find that one that satisfies your every need, that's cool. But our needs always change, and sometimes who we go to in order to get those needs met changes; but....we still love the person we were with before.

It all depends on what you need and what makes you happy. That answer is different for everyone.


rm_PurryKitty2 replies on 5/12/2006 1:01 pm:
I can see what you are saying. Good luck with this.

sexymamma662003 31F

5/12/2006 12:54 pm

i really think it is up to the couple. since sail and you are both aware of what each of you are doing then i wouldn't consider that cheating but really it is up to everyones own personal choice.
some couples think that what other couples are doing on this site is wrong but they are entitled to think that monogamy is right for them. i say do what you feel is right. as long as the person is happy with the lifestyle they are living then they should do what makes them happy not what society tells them is right


rm_PurryKitty2 replies on 5/12/2006 1:40 pm:
I agree

rm_Aurellee 62M

5/12/2006 1:01 pm

If by monogomous you mean sexually, I think very few are, and I really believe that. Is it sexist to suggest that the drive for multiple sex partners is a mostly male trait? I'm very happily married but there have been times when sex with only one partner just doesn't do it, and she's definately not into "sharing". As far as a monogomous relationship that is based on emotional love, it is rare but I do believe men and women can "mate" for life. You'd better have similar interests though, and grow together within those interests. Sex, however, it's like a hunger that has to be satiated from time to time. Even I get tired of pizza, no matter how many different ways it's served.

rm_PurryKitty2 replies on 5/12/2006 1:39 pm:
Very good analogy!!!

rishabha 38M/36F

5/12/2006 1:21 pm

Well I don't think we are designed to either If we consider ourselves as more or less free beings we can choose our lifestyle. Cheating can mean different things for different couples. It depends what kind of relation you have. I tell Lara often, that I wouldn't mind her making love with others, or at least that I don't want to border her in that, if she feels such a desire. I think most people are not honest when they say that they are monogamous in a sexual way, as - let's be honest - most of you get turned on by different people who we consider to be attractive. Some of us are pretty much able to divide sex from love. And that's great, as it can enrich our life a lot. I think most cheating happens in usual relationships exactly cause such thoughts often get suppressed too long, they are not verbalized, as people are ashamed of them. But while suppressing these needs the get more and more powerful, so much that they need to be realized. And as there was never a place for a talk it ends up in cheating.
But I don't want to generalize this point of view ... everybody is different

concupiscentKid 40M

5/12/2006 1:32 pm


spacecadet561 59M

5/12/2006 2:18 pm

Hmm...some folks seem to manage it. Some are "serially monogamous", having only one lover at a time but moving from one to another over time. I had 2 long-term girlfriends before the wife. I'm looking at 21 years of marriage soon, but have had lots of fantasies over the years and lately have taken an assortment of cyber-lovers to expand those fantasies. So, what am I? I'm monogamous in the real world, but something of a slut-monger in cyber.


Djeeper1987 47M

5/12/2006 2:28 pm

I would have to say NO. Of course I am single, so it doesn't make much difference right now.

Carpe Diem

naked2182 47M

5/12/2006 2:35 pm

no no way..u need to be with different people

OboesHonedIambs 62F

5/12/2006 2:50 pm

By nature, no, I don't think we're designed to be monogamous. If we truly were, we would be like other species such as grey wolves who do mate for life (until one of the pair dies). We're not in that group. The Myth of Monogamy : Fidelity and Infidelity in Animals and People by by David P. Barash Ph.D., Judith Eve Lipton an interesting read on the topic.

Instant Human -- Just Add Coffee

hey-bratender 62M

5/12/2006 3:09 pm

    Quoting VanMan1962:
    I grew up going to church, I believe that humans are designed to be monogamous and stay faithful to each other.

    Looking back at little history, on the television there were shows such "Leave it to Beaver." We did not see the Beve's mom sneaking out to have a little "Afternoon delight" And we did not see the Beves' dad handcuffed to a bed post and whipped, right? That was considered really sick back then as did anal sex.

    Humans are designed to be monogamous and stay faithful to each other? Absolutely.

    But will they?

    That is the million dollar question.


I always wanted to give Mrs. Cleaver a good hard fuck!!!!!!! >>! Ward was so uptight it was as though he had the proverbial "bug" up his ass. I know someone besides Wad was servicing her hot pussy! And now looking back...I think she had a "thing" with Eddie Haskell. Hope you aren't too disillusionded Van happym;

complexlysimple 34M

5/12/2006 3:49 pm

Truthfully, I'd say ..... I'm not sure.

Being the information hound I am, I've read of medical studies linking an increase of risk for prostate/cervical cancer to an increase in the number of sexual partners (30+ partners being the top group in one study).

Granted that may not mean much, but it points one way, while desires and animal ("non-human" in this case) behavior points another....

So I suppose somewhere in between ...maybe a lot of sex with not a lot of partners?

RevJoseyWales 69M/66F
14393 posts
5/12/2006 3:57 pm

Actually, I tend to disagree with most of y'all. I think that men were NOT designed to be monagamous, but women were. Back in the real old days (yeah, before my time), men ran around trying to perpetuate the species, fucking everything in sight. Women, on the other hand, were designed to keep the bloodlines straight. But hey guys, there is such a thing as evolution, and women are starting to evolve out of that mode, because it is no longer necessary. Thank the Gods!

"McVeigh had the right idea, wrong address."

"This ain't Dodge City, and you ain't Bill Hickok."

rm_CDRoss 33M
655 posts
5/12/2006 4:37 pm

When I am in a relationship, I do tend to be very loyal. I often put my whole self into it - heart, body, and soul... so really there is very little I could offer another. (This doesn't mean I drop other interests... such as my language studies, writing, and such.)
Though I have had friends-with-benefits before when not in a relationship... when in a relationship I do stay loyal (and monogamous - as part of that. I think "loyal" extends to other areas other than sex as well), even if I am severly hurt in the process.

not sure if my ramblings make sense though... ^_^

rm_pagan380 64M
4405 posts
5/12/2006 4:45 pm

Humans where designed to propagate and make as many little humans as possible, with as many mates as possible to widen the gene pool. That's why sex is so much fun! If it didn't feel so good, who would want to do it?

Come play naked in the sunshine and dance naked under the stars.


rm_TexNVa 49M/48F
376 posts
5/12/2006 5:22 pm

I don't believe that humans are inherently monogamous. Sure we can pull our shit together for a period of time and be "faithful" (I hate that term) to one person. But even those that do it long term have the thought. The Bible says if you have a desire in your heart, that the "sin" is real. So according to that philosophy, nobody is monogamous. I've been monogamous before; but it wasn't natural. I was always looking, desiring and lusting for what I was denying myself. Living an open lifestyle is much less stress on me. Except managing the calendar and prioritizing all the possibilities can be a challenge. Good thing I'm good with numbers.

rm_smosmof2 67M
3240 posts
5/12/2006 6:06 pm

I'm not sure the question is valid, any more than asking "are humans designed to be hetero sexual?"

As has been pointed out, in ancient (and not so ancient) timees, the roles were different. The mother stayed at home and raised the children and created the environment where all lived. This behaviour particularly when paired with a need for security, will tend to create an monogamous behaviour pattern.

I certainly enjoyed the fruits of my previous five year relationship, as we grew to know each other very well, and the sexual aspects of that just kept getting better, even with a few (!?!) hurdles thrown in the way. By once she left, I was left stranded, and she was able to go out and initiate a new relationship immediately, or at least as immediately as she felt comfortable doing so.

The masculine behaviour pattern, on the other hand, more creates a tendency toward diversity--he is the one who goes outside the nest, and gathers resources to be returned to the nest. In early society's, this is were genetic diversity came from. I'm not about to claim that men were not "designed" to be monogamous, but I recognize that historically, they certainly had the greater opportunity not to be.

The roles are all very different now, as are sexual identities. I'm not sure whether we're all in a "retraining" stage, or whether this is just evolution in action.

Back when I was married, we always had an "open" relationship, but that was more because of my cynical belief that sooner or later, everyone is going to want to wander, and we're better off being honest about it than trying to lie and conceal.

boydcounty 67M

5/12/2006 10:08 pm

I think it depends on the couple. Generally, yes - humans are designed to pair up - but not necesarily for a lifetime. Wouldn't it be great if we lived in a country where sex was encouraged, anywhere.
Restaurants would serve meals in bed. Taxi's and airlines would have fully reclining seats. Cafes would have high and low stools next to one another for oral ease.


007sexy40plus 51F  
7603 posts
5/12/2006 10:58 pm

I was faithful until problems arose in my marriage. When you get accused of doing something you are not then you tend to say why am I so faithful to a man who obviously don't trust me. And you haven't given him any reason to believe otherwise.

I was married in 1996 problems arose in 2001 still maintained my faithfulness until late 2003. Then I just freaking cracked. I think 7 years out of 10 is a good length of time to be faithful.

I am the real deal! "Come Get Me!!!"

seek_u_topia 50M

5/12/2006 11:27 pm

I don't think I could be monagamous, I just don't think I'm wired that way...but it seems certain people are...or have more fortitude than i do.

TheRealThing655 48F
9558 posts
5/13/2006 8:57 am

Very interesting post and comments. As I get older and getting out of a long term marriage, I am less inclined to believe in monogamy. I do,however, believe you can have a life partner and have love and trust like you two and be able to engage in sex as long as both partners are aware and you share it with each other.

Looking4sex44240 54F

5/13/2006 12:12 pm

When I'm in a relationship I'm faithful to that person, but if things start to get boring. Why not bring in others, instead of cheating.

rm_free2fuck06 33M
6 posts
5/13/2006 1:00 pm


ProFotoFreak 45M

5/13/2006 1:57 pm

It's hard to say. I was always a "one woman man" until this last year when, due to events I won't discuss here, I began to "insulate" my emotions by dating around and having multiple partners simultaneously.

It was working for a while, but then people began getting overly attached causing me to expend vast amounts of energy trying to delicately detach them without hurting their feelings.

So far, this has served to only complicate my life (the opposite of what was intended.) So I guess the short version of this long answer is "Beats the hell out of me!"

somethingelse40 74M
14676 posts
5/13/2006 4:56 pm

Sexuality is a curse perhaps only when we go out of our way to make it such. Surely there are many who would envy your lifestyle but would never have the guts to try it. Typically they may go the route of prolonged perhaps agonizing infidelity or indefinite or permanent separation. I’ve been there and still wear some of the tee shirts.

somethingelse40 74M
14676 posts
5/13/2006 8:16 pm

Have you considered [post 346266]?

PurplePeach72 44F  
9199 posts
5/13/2006 9:07 pm

Oh Purry, I am sooo flattered! You know how I feel about the subject. Had my boytoy tonight for a hot date, wore his ass out and about to pounce on my oh so wonderful sharing husband. I know I'm not capable of being monagamus, and thank the good Lord for sending me a man who doesn't expect me to wage that war with myself. It's a great burden to not have that guilt anymore. I have no doubt that some people are capable of it but I'm not one of them. Thanks again for post. You're the greatest, wish you guys were closer! Hugs and Kisses, LeeAnn


Nightguy_1961 55M
4866 posts
5/14/2006 9:32 pm

I don't think we are, to be honest...but religious and societal 'norms' have beaten it into our heads that to have more than one in your life is wrong...

Guess that's why I'm anti social and I don't go to church....go figure...

NG61...fading back into the shadows...

earthShiva 59M

5/14/2006 11:05 pm

25 million people have died of AIDS since 1981, not to mention the legions who have suffered from fertility issues, cervical cancer crippling infections and discomfort. Are we "designed" to be monogamous. Yes, we are. There isn't one good argument against monogamy when it comes to our bodies. (Compare, for example, cats. Cats have litters of multiple kittens. Each copulation triggers a subsequent ovulation, assuring that the kittens in a single litter derive from multiple fathers. They are "designed" for multiple partners.)

The spirit, of course, is not so easily tamed. We are part of a vast and poorly controlled social experiment that involves convenient contraceptive technology, constant media force-feeding of sexual imagery, and a general discouragement of vulnerability in any form. In the process, intimacy of community has largely been flushed out of our culture. The spirit's response is to seek equilibrium for lost intimacy in the forms in which it is accessible. Ergo,in sexual relations. So the hardware is monogamy-compatible, but the software has been re-written completely differently. (For my part, I enjoy multi-tasking!)

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