A Mother's Letter to Santa  

rm_PurryKitty2 48M/50F
12865 posts
12/25/2005 4:41 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

A Mother's Letter to Santa

Dear Santa,

I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned, and cuddled my two children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor, sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree in the school playground, and figured out how to attach nine patches onto my daughter's girl scout sash with staples and a glue gun.

I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmas', since I had to write this one with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next eighteen years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:

I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache after a day of chasing kids (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't flap in the breeze, but are strong enough to carry a screaming toddler out of the candy aisle in the grocery store. I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.

If you're hauling big ticket items this year, I'd like a car with fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking daughter doll that says, "Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with one potty-trained toddler, two kids who don't fight, and three pairs of jeans that zip all the way up without the use of power tools. I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting, "Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother", because my voice seems to be out of my children's hearing range and can only heard by the dog. And please, don't forget the Play-Doh Travel Pack, the hottest stocking stuffer this year for mothers of preschoolers. It comes in three fluorescent colors guaranteed to crumble on any carpet and make the Inlaws' house seem just like home.

If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.

If you don't mind I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family; or if my toddler didn't look so cute sneaking downstairs to eat contraband ice-cream in his pajamas at midnight.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door and wants his crayon back. Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the chimney and come in and dry off by the fire so you don't catch cold. Help yourself to cookies on the table, but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.

Oh, and one more thing Santa, you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children young enough to believe in you.


Have a great holiday!

Purry {=}


GoddessOfTheDawn 105F
11240 posts
12/25/2005 5:12 am

~ smilez ~

very nice post

redmustang91 57M  
8599 posts
12/25/2005 5:23 am

Funny! But forget trying to wipe off all the fingerprints so you have some time to rest those weary legs, brush your teeth and eat hot food. The kids will survive and your outlook will improve. Kids are cute when young, but also interesting if challenging as they age. Enjoy each stage and let them grow and develop their independence. Then you can visit and enjoy grandkids some day. The circle of life, as the Lion King would say! Happy holidays!

rm_Luscious2BBW 47F
35 posts
12/25/2005 5:36 am

Very nice. I especially like the final sentence.

Merry Christmas

caressmewell 53F

12/25/2005 5:45 am

Very nice
Merry Christmas

rm_PurryKitty2 48M/50F
9753 posts
12/25/2005 12:10 pm

I wish they could stay little. I always tell them Santa is real for those that believe in him. I know I do.



rm_MustangD6644 51M
1031 posts
12/25/2005 2:58 pm

Chuckles. Good one Purry


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