So I guess I  

rm_Ptalk1155 34M
3428 posts
8/9/2006 8:53 am

Last Read:
8/12/2006 4:04 pm

So I guess I


At least, that's what all the women in my family think at the moment. I kind of agree even.

Somebody from my high school died in a car accident last week, and had recently married someone else from my high school. And I really don't care. I hated high school and pretty much everyone there save my small group of friends since most people went out of their way to make my life miserable. While I hung out with the living one in elementary school, I had little to no ties beyond seeing that person in passing during high school and beyond. We were not friends. I don't really consider us enemies either. I did not know the dead one particularly well, no more than a face and a name in the hallways.

So several members of my family who were well acquainted with the members of the living one's family are all shocked at my total lack of interest in this situation. I was asked if I was going to the wake and I said "why would I?" They point out we "knew" each other. I said "I know them about as well as I know a starving kid in Africa." I'm supposed to feel bad about this or some kind of empathy for the one still alive. Yeah, it sucks for that person, but I'm not running around making like I have some sort of emotional investment in this situaton. Just another headline in the paper to me, particularly because people have not learned the basic physics involved in a car accident which might convince them to WEAR THEIR SEATBELT.

"You go to the wake to express support for the people still alive." They don't care if I show up. And no amount of my showing up is going to do anything but draw us all into a conversation of "hey, what have you been up to?" which is one I don't want to have anyway. Not to mention it'll be chock full of people from high school that I DO consider enemies.

Moreover, I really don't think a wake is about the people who lost someone. It's about our need to go say goodbye to someone we know who died. How many people do you know actually wanted to deal with people coming by and telling you how sorry they are your loved one is now gone? I know I sure didn't when it happened to me. The last thing I wanted was to deal with random strangers telling me how much they cared about the person that died.

So yeah, I don't feel bad about this beyond the same thing I feel whenever I see somebody got killed on the news. And I don't even particularly feel bad that I don't, which probably makes me a heartless monster. But at least I can say this, I'm not going to hide behind some false facade of caring when in reality, I don't care at all.

The annoying thing is, I'm sure this will come back to bite my ass later. Karma and all that.

funlovinslygal 35F

8/9/2006 9:34 am

I can see where you're coming from, and in some ways I do agree with you. No point in going to something like that when you hardly ever knew the person.

In some ways, someone going to a wake when they hardly knew the person, is kinda like it's an open invitation to see a dead body and a bunch of upset people.

In short, I support your choice to not go and have anything to do with it. Maybe I'm "heartless" too, but you don't just show up at something when you never knew the person. If you were good friends, then yeah, I'd say you were kinda heartless to not go.


caressmewell 53F

8/9/2006 10:16 am

I hear what you are saying and I understand where you are coming from. But those around you obviously needed to hear a few compassionate words come from you, regardless if you meant them or not. Just my opinion.


rm_Ptalk1155 34M
3450 posts
8/10/2006 5:04 pm

    Quoting funlovinslygal:
    I can see where you're coming from, and in some ways I do agree with you. No point in going to something like that when you hardly ever knew the person.

    In some ways, someone going to a wake when they hardly knew the person, is kinda like it's an open invitation to see a dead body and a bunch of upset people.

    In short, I support your choice to not go and have anything to do with it. Maybe I'm "heartless" too, but you don't just show up at something when you never knew the person. If you were good friends, then yeah, I'd say you were kinda heartless to not go.
Well it's nice to see someone who agrees with me.
Welcome to my blog


rm_Ptalk1155 34M
3450 posts
8/10/2006 5:07 pm

    Quoting caressmewell:
    I hear what you are saying and I understand where you are coming from. But those around you obviously needed to hear a few compassionate words come from you, regardless if you meant them or not. Just my opinion.
I don't think those around me are really looking for compassion so much as some indication that I care in some way about someone from high school. They're not that involved with the person's family either, but they seem to think that because we spent time in school together that I should have some connection that would lead me to feel some kind of loss.

Thanks for your input


rm_Ptalk1155 34M
3450 posts
8/10/2006 5:08 pm

    Quoting rm_mzhunyhole:
    I have a hard time attending funerals..seems so useless..that person ain't really there..ya don't know what to say..I hear what ya are meaning.
That's why my will has a stipulation that they not have some sorrowfull, tear-inducing funeral for me


rm_Ptalk1155 34M
3450 posts
8/10/2006 5:11 pm

    Quoting rm_flyaway1012:
    Oh boy.....me too I understand. but you are venting my dear, you didn't ask for opinions. But you did put it out there so maybe you want one or two....

    I'm on both sides of that fence. If it were me, I would go just to placate my family. *cringes at that thought
Not so much venting as trying to figure out why in Hell it's so difficult for people to believe I could give a shit about someone from high school.

It won't placate anyone to go, particularly since I've made my feelings on the subject quite clear.


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