Emerging from the Ashes  

rm_PhoenixBlu 54
14 posts
2/18/2006 11:49 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Emerging from the Ashes

There has been so much going on in my life in the past few months. I don't even want to go back to reiterate it. In short I am in the middle of a bitter divorce and the man needs to get his. He will I am sure since bad people get theres in the end. I choose now to focus on some more important things going on in my life.

(current husband is not the father of my daughter)

I raised my daughter on my own for about 13 yrs or so, and to me I think I did a fantastic job. Not only is she beautiful(some say she looks like me)but she has conviction. She is strong and compassionate. Black Belt in Shotokan Karate, Varsity Cheerleader, VP of the Student Body Gov't of her HS, Straight A student and in a dual enrollment program at the local college.

In any case, my baby....the only one I have will be 18 in a few weeks and graduating HS in May and going to UCF in Orlando. SHe will be someone successful one I have no doubt in my mind. Not only because she is my daughter but because she is who she is...The question I ask myself everyday is where did she come from. Anyone that knows me....well lets just say I am flighty and functioning with a clear head sometimes...I don't always think things through as I should. I am impulsive.

SOmewhere along the line I did it right. I totally sacraficed myself to raise her. WE have a great relationship. I pride myself when I look at her. She is leaving and I am going thru withdrawals about it...but wait....my life will be MINE again woohoo.

Shit I took a long hard look at myself and thought what did I do I totally let myself go and forgot what my needs are. I can't wait until she leaves and I can start paying 100% attention to what it is I want to do to make myself happy. You only get 1 go around this lifetime and I intend to take everything I have given and make it my own again.

I do feel as if I am teetering on a balance beam...not quite sure what it is exactly that I need to do for myself. I do know one thing for sure I definately want to explore my sexuality. I have been surpressed for so long. I definately feel as if the Phoenix is starting to spread her wings getting ready to break the hold that binds her.

moonlightphoenix 45F
6508 posts
2/18/2006 12:18 pm

This could have been written by me anytime in the past year. Except that I have two daughters...6 & 10.

It's been an amazing year that I couldn't have ever predicted. Embrace the freedom when it comes and don't look back. Your life is your own and you can't allow him to have any more power over you. Revel in your new life. There will be ups & downs, but embrace them all and know they are your own. You never know what's around the corner. Trust me on that. And trust me on the sunscreen

StarFeckerINC 44M
14 posts
2/18/2006 12:50 pm

Hello, I did my first blog today and got some really nice comments, so thought I'd return the favour. Your blog Phoenix caught my eye, (The Phoenix is the national although fictitious bird of Ireland) all I can say is it sounds like you are having a bad time of it, but you sound proud of what you have accomplished and rightly so. Stick in there. Regards john

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