Eats me up  

rm_Pebcac80 42M
104 posts
6/23/2006 4:56 pm

Last Read:
6/25/2006 8:29 pm

Eats me up

Somedays you just can't catch a break. This morning something went disasterously wrong. The one bad thing about me is that my memory is terrible. And sometimes I don't remember instructions of things that are supposed to happen or the order in which they are supposed to happen, etc.

Most of the time, it just doesn't matter. Sometimes, however, it does matter. I had been helping a friend with problems and thought I was on top of them. One of them was a serious one, but I had done due dilligence and found a way to get it taken care of.

Due to a screwup, it didn't, but I knew that everything was sounded out and it was started and so on and so on. At a certain point in my mind, though, the instructions went from that and combined it with work I had done on something else, and I forgot about it. Then, I remembered it as something totally different then what it was. So, I stopped thinking about it.

Today, it came back and bit me in the ass. It went wrong, and I was immediately put on the defensive. I was 100% sure that everything was taken care of. I just believed it as strong as you can believe anything. And then, about half way through the day, I realized I was totally wrong and that I had my memories all mixed up. It hadn't been fixed, it had just been scheduled to come back in two weeks, and so on and so on.

Yeesh. So, I offer to fix it, pay the expenses and so on. I get a cursing, names called, etc. I spend the rest of the day feeling terrible. Then come home to a mini plumbing disaster.

If I was such a jerk, I wouldn't stress about this kind of thing, but it really troubles me when I get things screwed up. I've worked really hard to improve my memory and make sure that I take better notes to keep up with that. I carry a pocket PC & a blackberry everywhere to make sure that I'm on top of things. But occassionally I still get screwed up.

I'm fortunate to have tons of clients in the medical community who understand and laugh it off. But I feel really bad when something happens and I can't seem to fix it. It just tears me up. It's like a reminder that still, at some level, I never recovered all the way, and I still have that cloud over my memory and the like.

2375 posts
6/23/2006 6:32 pm

Take a deep breath. You can't fix everything and have to accept that things will go wrong. The fact that you CARE when things go wrong shows that you are a good person. I'll be thinking about you!

rm_Pebcac80 42M
104 posts
6/24/2006 12:59 pm

Thanks, I needed that I had kind of a bad attitude about it this morning, actually. I still feel bad, but hey, if you give someone a gift of a car, and then you realize, crap, I forgot a $300 repair, then going off the handle on me seemed a bit ridiculous. I still feel bad, I should have been paying more attention, but we all make mistakes. I didn't mean to forget. Just have to work on it next time. But I think most of all it made me just say: I need to cut ties with this situation; it's time to move on altogether!

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