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Answering a poly-survey
Answering a poly-survey
How do you label your relationship? (e.g., married but open, poly marriage, living together, LIP service (Live-In Penis)--see My Favorite Sex Toy about why I chose a LIP, etc.)
How long have you been in this relationship(s)?
How well is it working for you? For your partner(s)?
How did you choose to have an open relationship? What was the process or journey for agreeing to it?
It was agreed to before we were married. Basically, we believed that it was just not that natural for a person to commit to someone for forty or fifty years and not have desires that a person could fulfill completely. Everyone has their own desires, and a polyamorous marriage allows each partner to find joy with the consent of the other.
What is your agreement about how you'll "play" with others? (e.g., 50-mile rule, above the waist rule, no organic penises, no people with STDs, simultaneous dates only, we only play together, etc.)
Well, we have pretty open rules. But no STDs or Drugs is a big one. I work within the medical community often, so that's not even a consideration. We get tested frequently (LabSafe.Com PEOPLE!) and I recommend that to others. We don't really have rules about distance or travel since sometimes that works out. My wife has travelled to Seattle to spend a weekend with a former partner after he relocated. All we really ask is that we both be fully aware of what's going on. No secrets.
How did you reach this agreement?
You know, I think we both just said "are their any guidelines"? And that was it. All common sense stuff. Otherwise, no rules.
What are some of the issues or conflicts that arisen for you? Or has it always been perfectly smooth sailing?
It has always been pretty smooth sailing. We've had a few ups and downs, but they have mostly been minor.
Do you have children? How have they impacted your choices?
We have two children, boys. Our oldest is autistic. And, because of that, it is a 24 hour job, as he sometimes does not sleep, has issues, etc. This really helps drive our polyamory. I find that my partner is a much better parent when she can occassionally get out and get some "stress relief". We all need to escape. I would much prefer that we escape through enjoying good sex and the company of adults as comparison to everything others do (Drugs, drinking, etc.).
How do you arrange the logistics of meeting with others?
How much time or effort goes into communication with your partner(s)?
There is generally a lot of email first. Or IM. We like to communicate a lot. If people get unhappy with the volume of email, or whatever, then I instantly know that it's just not the right situation.
What do you think about your relationships and their impact on your life? Or how do you feel currently about your relationships?
Currently I'm in that unattached but looking mode. My wife & her partner have been together 2 years now, and I think it has been a very positive thing for her and for our relationship as well.
Have your opinions on what's the right choice for you changed over time? Have your feelings about the situation changed over time?
No, I think the right choice for me is still the right choice. It's all about the persons ability to listen, talk, listen. I find that if someone is an effective listener then everything else can move from there. And I still believe that.
Would you recommend your lifestyle choice for others? Why or why not?
I think if you are going to persue a poly lifestyle, you have to really be open and honest with everyone involved. Too many people don't do that. If you aren't willing to do that, then forget even making the attempt.
Anything else you'd like to share about your experiences?
Plenty. I'll keep posting in my blog about them
7/6/2006 4:22 pm
Thanks for responding! I'm really enjoying BPB's interviews... very insightful. |
7/7/2006 12:02 am
Damn P, I'm glad I dropped by. Very complicated my man, but if it works for you then all's good. I would like to talk more about the married and sharing thing, been there and done that, and after thirty years of marrage I have only one thing to say. OUCH|
Somethings don't turn out how we plan and hind sight is always 20-20, But I do like your attitude and your posts are always interesting. So keep up the good work.
7/7/2006 10:42 pm
Thanks for sharing your story. It's fascinating to me that there are those of us who are poly people, looking for sex with an emotional component, operating beneath the radar on this site.|
Check out my blog Bi-Poly-Babe for more sensual, sexual pleasure!
7/8/2006 11:10 pm
It's no problem. I'm glad I could offer. As long as people get something out of it. |
5/16/2007 8:11 pm
Oh, OK Correct me now and again, you're KIND of right. But also remember, before Spawn1 was born, we talked about having outside involvement prior to that with a certain bouncer friend, and while we were engaged we talked about doing something with mtpb, so we did discuss it beforehand pbbt|