|Blogs > rm_NewtPlentz > Desperately seeking me...|
This is probably more suited to the guys who run into this same brick wall… a lot. You find someone interesting, whether it be through your search, or the “Who’s online now” link… whatever. Her profile reads very eloquently (or not, depending on what you’re looking for), she looks like a good match--even without a picture because you’ve set your Cupid preferences to show you only the kinds of women you’re interested in--so, you decide to go for it. You know that out of the 18 Million of us here, most are guys, so you’ve got to figure out a way to stand out from the crowd; to make her notice you. You dissect her profile, phrase by phrase, to make sure you completely understand what it is she is looking for, and when you’re satisfied that she seems like someone who really does want what she says she wants (and “online chat” isn’t one of them, according to her “Looking for#x201D; line), you go ahead and compose what you consider to be an absolutely brilliant, and “How could she turn this down?” kind of message. You even attach one of your nice pics (not a cock shot) and a copy of your profile since she (like most women here) is a “Standard Member” and can’t see your picture or profile.
“What you describe is kind of what I put in my profile a long time ago when I first joined this site. It's nice to see someone on here that doesn't blast a guy with all kinds of smut talk, only to drag him along. I'm not looking for that... friends with benefits, and benefits including intelligent conversation of shared interests, dinner out (or in... I'm not a bad cook for a bachelor!)... just being with a normal person once in awhile.
In other words, I'd like to get to know you.”
------ Profile Attached -------
I'm your typical free spirit, single and unfettered and roaming the Earth at will. I'm the type who's generally considered the go-to guy when there's a problem. I'm a hard working man, enjoying what I have but looking for more. When I'm at home alone, I like to zone out and decompress from the day's stress. Experience-wise, I've done a few things, but I want to do a lot more. For me a perfect date is one that doesn't end until the next day. I want to wake up every day eager to face the possibilities. I've reached the point where I'm free to do what I want, when I want, with who I want. It feels good. I'm not changing my life, I'm changing how I live it.
Oh, and please don't ask me if I want to "chat" first. Do you really think you're going to get to know the "real" person that way? Hell, anyone can say anything they want in a "chat"... show you anything they want to upload from somewhere... that's not real. It's fantasy, make believe, and at least for me, it's a red flag that you're really not who your profile says you are. I can understand that it makes sense to get to know someone before you sleep with him, but "chatting" here (or on the other messengers) isn't the way to do it. Chatting to me is a conversation over a table at Denny's, or Eat n' Park, or some place like that... somewhere public... face to face where body language, eye contact, vocabulary, etc. show someone's true colors. People can easily hide in digital land... people have no choice but to be honest when they're face to face with another person, because then, there is no place to hide.
You wait for her response. Logging in and out every five minutes to see if there’s something in your inbox. You expect her response, because, after all, you did your homework and you know that what you are is exactly what she’s looking for! A week later, if you’re lucky, you get her long awaited reply:
Dear Newt: Thanks for your email. I appreciate your honesty and I can even tell you've been through the mill on this site. Unfortunately, I do need to chat. . . . A girl's gotta be careful and for the short time I've been on this site, I'm amazed and a little disconcerted over the experiences I've had even when I did meet face-to-face and then subsequently got a completely different scenario. Humans are complex, aren't we?
“Huh?” Is your only thought. “A girl’s gotta be careful…” what part of having a conversation in a public place is there to be careful about? Of course you intend to pick up the tab, not because you expect her to put out because you just paid for a $1.35 cup of coffee, but because you’re a gentleman and that’s what gentlemen do. What part of wanting to see what’s there before you get all wrapped up emotionally is wrong? What, she thinks that spending days or weeks “getting to know” someone through these chatting exercises (exercises in futility is more like it) will guarantee that Homer Simpson doesn't show up at Denny’s instead of Prince Charming. But it’s okay if we go along with the game and find out that she ends up being more like Olive Oyl ("average" of course) instead of the Snow White she’s made herself out to be… Then when they have failed again to connect with what they say they’re looking for, they’ll spend hours "chatting" to other lonely women complaining that they can’t seem to find the right guy. (Maybe that's why there's so many bi-curious women here...) Go figure. Oh, and here‘s a real kicker… Ever see those really provocative profiles where the woman talks about how she loves this and that, and she knows how to please, and how she’ll rock your world, and she‘s REAL and doesn‘t want players… and looks and size don’t matter AND attaches the smut pics to her profile!! Doesn’t matter… the response, if any, you get will most likely be:
Unfortunately, I do need to chat. . . . And I need to see a picture first.
Anyway, the point is… things are seldom what they seem. What you see here, on this site, or in other on-line activities isn’t necessarily what you get. (There are exceptions, sure. Few and far between, but they're there.) They wonder why we get frustrated. And we wonder why we keep putting up with it… maybe because we’re hopeless romantics who really believe there are real women here, and Dammit! We paid our membership dues and we won’t quit until we get our money’s worth!
Anyway, this was my response back to her: (ayuh… the examples above are from my experience.)
I’m sorry we have different views on this subject, and I do respect yours. All I can hope is that you don’t condemn me because of mine.
Sincerely, yada yada yada… Have a nice day, and GOOD LUCK with your game plan!!