|Blogs > rm_NeonShadows > Out of the Shadows|
Fun, Fear, Loathing and a few questions.......
Fun, Fear, Loathing and a few questions.......
Well the fall semster has begun. Full swing and I have mega-senioritis. I would much rather still be sunning my ass with nothing else going on except hanging out with friends and engaging in kinky sex. But hey, it's better than working.
It's kind of weird being in college at my age. I'm not an unattractiove fellow and yeah, I stand out in class. Professors either love me or hate me. Students either are annoyed with me (no one loves a brainiac) or in some cases attracted but inexperienced in moving forward.
I hate the feeling of being a kinky old man surrounded by young, tightly packed and ridiculously repressed girls. It never ceases to amaze me how, even in this "liberal" mecca of Sonoma County the threads of fear and conservatism run so deeply in the young women and men at school.
My partner is also going to classses, finishing her degree in media communications (with a minor in high kink and radical politics). As a woman in her thirties it is easy for her to feel old surrounded by the bubbly idiots of her class. Never mind that she has fawning followers in the BD/SM scene. Nevermind that she has engaged in extremes of sexuality that would curl the hair of these repressed kittens. Nevermind that she has taken a 24 year old classmate as a plaything. To them, she is just an old hag.
I have to appreciate that the critters around me have probably not been exposed to the debauchery that I have experienced. That my moral horizon has significantly widened over the years to allow me to accept more and more as being perfectly OK behavior. I mean, a few trips to the Power Exchange alone and the penis loses all power to shock you.
But as a kinky man who lives and erotic life I still can't help but appreciate the physical beauty of the young. As a prideful and somewhat vain man, who's reputation on campus is one of a humanitatrian, philosopher and brain, I have a hard time letting anyone get closer to me than just as a classmate. This creates dissonance and others can feel that I am hiding a part of myself. I wonder if they know it is black leather?
I am back on AdultFriendFinder after having used ALT just to help find people that I know are already kinky. It can be so hard to broach the subject after you have known somebody in another context. In my experience relationships with the opposite sex almost always include sexual tension. Unless that tension is addresses in the beginning of the relationship it becomes buried and can be a barrier to a deeper understanding of each other. I've found that the women I have had sex with early on in a relationship tend to be the ones I still associate with, and have become very close friends indeed.
Anyhow now I have a conundrum. There is a very beautiful young lady of 19 who knows about our unusual household and who works for us from time to time. She wants to begin playing with me but the Dommina is protective of her. She thinks that, for one, the girl is too naive and stupid to not be traumatized by the experience. In particular going to the Folsom Street Fair. I remind the Dommina that at 19 tshe was a raging fuck-bunny in Miami with a permanant coke stain under her nose and too many gold chains, she glowers.
The girl has spied on me in the playspace from time to time and is noticably tense when alone with me. I have purposfuly not moved on her, but I am beginning to wonder if I should. My concern is that she has not been acculturated. She can barely read, so "The Story of O" is out, she is repressed (traumatic experience where at 15 her lesbian mother found her with a man in a car and freaked) but she seeks the experience. What to do?
To complicate matters there is another young thing in my biology class. She sits with me in the lab portion of the class every wednesday night. Now in person I don't think I come across like I do in writing. In truth one of my strong points is a sense of humor. I'm a generally firendly, funny and easy-going guy. I'm also helpful and considerate of others. I guess she likes these qualities because she has started dropping innuendos and flirting. I love a tiny redhead (almost as much as I love a nasty goth punk girl) but something tells me that the young ones are poison. What to do?
Then there are the older women, more my age a little older, who I have known for years. One is an old friend who was a single mom with two kids and no love in her life. She hadn't had a man in six or seven years until one night she was at tour den of iniquity and I helped her out with a little sex magic. I have a consecrated red heart shaped tub, blessed with the magic of Venus. Using the tub as a kind of baptism I bathed her and then opened her mightily (in a detached way) to set free her erotic juices. A good night. Within a week she was having sex with another friend of mine and within a month she had found a boyfriend. A boyfriend who is undoubtably gay, but nevertheless he can satisfy her. One day soon she will join our house, as a vanilla addition. Her best friend however has moved back up from Texas, she has her MBA and is an executive headhunter. She has 3 kids and no sex. Her old dad, a great guy, watches the kids when she works. She is attractive, southern twang, redhead nice build the years actually look good on her. But she is vanilla, vanilla vanilla. The week before last she went to a FOAM party (dancing with sweaty gay men in a pile of foam 7 feet deep) and was writhing under my hand like a woman possessed. Last weekend she went out again with us to a local resort and, when she saw me in my leather pants, duster and crisp white shirt, started almost literally panting. Unfortunately she was taken home. But what do I do?
It can be so messy opening that can of worms after you have known somebody for a while. I am really not looking for a chain of lovers. Only one or two whom I can pay a fair amount of attention to. On here there are a couple of people who have caught my eye but the problem with these sites is the lack of human contact. It is easy to get the wrong impression about somebody in person, even easier when you have to rely on their writing to reveal them to you. My experience with dating sites has been both good and bad. Good in that you get to write to people from time to time. Bad in that it is really hard to make that leap from writing to meeting. Almost like there is another obstacle in the way.
In the real world you meet, talk and then decide. You know if you are attracted to somebody within moments. Here you can't be sure. You have to go through a literary exchange before meeting and many times people get cold feet. But, then again, it does work from time to time. The benefit is that you should already know a great deal about each other before meeting for the first time.
Those few experiences I have had actually meeting a sub/Slave/kinkykitty online have been a lot of fun. But those are balanced out by the hours of wasted time writing to those who simply drop off the face of the earth in the middle of some exchange. I would be interested in hearing anyone elses experiences. I wonder what it is like for a woman? I imagine there are about a dozen messages a day and a load of unattractive penis pictures filling up the mailbox. Probably a lot of immature screamers going "I WANNA FUCK YOU", and Goddess knows what else. What is it like for women on this site? What do you hate about it, what do you like?
9/15/2005 11:24 pm
What?!!!! This is a dating site? No just kidding. I am wanting to ask you about your experience with BDSM as the subject has my curiosity way up. The letters I read that you posted has brought forth many question in my mind. Nooooo I am not trying to pick up on you. I am so not your type as I am over 20 and definately do not have the bod of a nicely built 30 something year old. Really...You feel old? I went to college this summer and got along wonderfully with all the youngins. The men and the women. We had such fun in our classes and never once felt that they viewed me as an old hag. Last year I worked with young adults, they too were a blast to be around. I never once thought they obsessed on my age and I even out played them in volleyball lol. This getting old thing doesn't bother me a bit but then I am sooo not interested in younger men. My youth rewards me with many happy memories but not a longing to relive it.|
What to do? Well go for it. You want it ask for it. All they can say is no. But the one with issues, I would step way back and rethink that one.
9/16/2005 8:01 am
Well...don't get me wrong here. Youth is but a pretty package that hides an empty box. It isn't youth that attracts me (other than in the purely aethetic sense) what holds my attention are qualities that can only come with experience.|