|Blogs > rm_NeonShadows > Out of the Shadows|
Everyday life. No matter how hard we try it seems as if everyday life always draws us back. I've been fortunate to be able to wrest some semblance of control over my own time from the forces of conformity. In making the decision to return to college a couple of years ago I granted myself a brief reprieve from the mundane.
These days I have a great deal of control over my time, or at least it feels that way because I genuinely enjoy what I HAVE to do and it doesn't take much time. Reading, writing and going to classes a few days a week beats the hell out of the 9-5 grind.
I've noticed that the usual pattern of life that our culture provides for us is seductive. I've seen it work it's dire magic on the lives of countless friends, family and acquaintances. You do what is expected, you don't think to criticize or even to think about it for the most part. We all simply do what we have to.
Marriage, children, work and TV. The odd outing or vacation to spice things up, maybe (for the few) a little freaky sex to break up the monotony but for most life slips by. Work, work, work. Often our work is just that, it isn't something we love it just pays the bills and makes demands on our time. You can't love the people at work, that is forbidden and those left at home get the leftovers. I've seen people much younger than me suddenly get old after the trap is sprung. Once inside the maze it's almost impossible to break out again.
Even in our relationships there is the initial flash and bang of attraction that most mistake for love. The intensely erotic sexuality of a new relationship can last for days, week, hours, months or years but always wears off after a while. Then we are left with a sense of disappointement, compounded by responsibility and a fear of loss and change. We are sold on the idea of love as being monogamous and that a womans sex is owned first by her parents and then by each man she has a relationship with. We are not taught that our sexuality is our own, much less that the pleasures we could experience are beyond imagining because it would not serve the interests of those who crave control to free us in this way.
So we stumble along, vaguely disconnected yet woefully engaged in the mundane. We may learn in our lives about different kinds of love, the love of parent for child, the love of brothers-in-arms, the love of long disatisfaction followed by acceptance, but we do not generally learn about what the Greeks termed Ludus and Eros. We want to. That is why we are all on this site.
I'm trying, in my own way, to build into my life that energy of initial attraction and erotic abondon as a base. Love in all of it's forms is the only thing I have ever found that is worth worshipping and so I do. In many ways, both dark and light.
I am expressing my love of my community by helping to build a truly graphic and disturbing Haunted House. This is a massive undertaking that last year raised a few thousand dollars for charity and this year we hope to use the money to help our local senior center stay open (the Gubernator took away their budget).
I am expressing my desire to open myself to the most extreme forms of sexuality and to accept everyone, regardless of my personal level of "ick" by once again going to the Folsom Street Fair on the weekend of the 24th. I think this will be the third or fourth year that I have attended and it is always nice to see old aquaintances and to see that, indeed, there are people who live an alternative lifestyle 24/7 and have found happiness, community and acceptance in doing it.
This gives me some hope. As do the examples of others who are building community, no matter how kinky or vanilla, all over the world. Outside of Prague there is "The Other World Kingdom", a Fem-Domme fantasyland that has been going strong and getting stronger for over a decade now. In America there are farm co-operatives with sound business plans and committed people living together to try and set an example for the rest of us. In Berkeley there is the long standing success story of "The Berkeley Cheese Board" and many others just now beginning where, no matter what the background of the individuals involved, the group forms and works together for the betterment of all.
So there is hope that one day the mundane will, for me at least, become synonymous with my fantasy. For now however I get to make my own choices and chart my own path, I get to learn what I want and I have no worries about money or health. I know that these things will eventually change but I will be ready for that as well. In the meantime I have been delighted to chat with some of the thoughtful and intelligent people who have come here looking for someone (or is it something?) and I look forward to hearing from more of you. For now however everyday life is calling me, so until next time............