|Blogs > rm_N2Reds > Ms. FIRST|
SHe's BAck! (Part 1)
SHe's BAck! (Part 1)
There is RAIN in the desert. After a week of personal SEXUAL, SACRIFICIAL SUFFERING, Ms. FIRST has returned home from being out of town.
My relationship with Ms. FIRST has been picking up steam since we met. There is a lot to be said for her as a person, friend and lover. And, in another lifetime, I could see us together long-term.
BUT, it is way too soon for me to get emotionally attached to someone. In fact, I have been doing my best to slow us down and keep it from going 2FAR-2FAST!
Last week, she and a girlfriend went on cruise to the Caribbean. You know the kind when you're in your forties, single and ready to throw down after working your ass off for 'da man all year. Yes. that "get your groove back on" type vacation...
Well, the timing couldn't have been worse. I wish Ms. FIRST and I hadn't met until AFTER she went. The reason is...our relationship has progressed over the past couple of months, and she's developing feelings for me.
Lately, she's been (lightly) pushing for "exclusivity."
Now, that's a lot of PRESSURE! Especially for a guy who just broke the chains of matrimonial BLISS-LESS-NESS! I'm no where close to that ready. (Of course, if you are a regular reader, you have already heard from my psychoanalyst followers about the merits of participating in such a coupling--read earlier posts if you want the history).
Okay, this is going to be a long story so settle in. I may have to break it in a couple of parts...
As her vacation approached, I sensed she was trying to let me know she planned to "be good" on her trip, even though her friend would be on a mission to make somebody's day...EVERYDAY!!!
I was extra sure to MAKE CERTAIN she knew I did NOT expect or require her to be faithful to me. And I let her know I understood the challenging situation she would be in. She responded with "it was something she WANTED to do."
BUT, WE HAVE ALL BEEN THERE...
It's not a lot of fun to sit around if everyone else is getting off and throwing down. You watch the crowd, and you see your friend hooking up, making out, and you're just sitting there, thinking about your lover back home...PLEASE!
This scenario leads to four conclusions:
1) it makes you crazy because you aren't doing what you originally planned to do. You are internally frustrated by the "hold yourself back trap" you've put yourself in and even though you've convinced yourself the sacrifice is worth it because of your blossoming relationship, I'd still give you only a 2% chance of making it through...especially if you have as high a sex drive as Ms. FIRST.
2) you hold firm, focus on your lover, turn down all the advances from HORNEY CRUISERS who are wondering why the HELL you came if aren't out for ACTION? What a drag? You might even begin to feel good about your strength of character and find the will to maintain faith. But, it's like being the D.J. at a hot night club. You get to see the party going on, but you're working and not "living it" in the same context. If you end up being successful at this, the worse thing is it INCREASES the expectation you have on the faithfulness of your lover.
Swapping "loyalties" never works.
3) you fall from grace, bust a move and get giggy with it. BOOM, now you're having the time of your life. The time you INTENDED when you booked your trip. Yes, you're feeling a little guilty as you're fucking some stranger, but MY GUY BACK HOME SAID I was "free" from commitment. And besides, he's probably fucking some bitch every night anyway. He's not committed to me either.
4) she is so completely and madly in LOVE with me she holds out. If this happens, she is truly committed and blissfully faithful. So much so, she's oblivious to the temptations of her surroundings and the advances of would be pencil dicks.
AND, THERE YOU HAVE IT. The end of PART 1...