Shifting from sexual to romantic again...  

rm_MovieBuff333 43M
47 posts
6/12/2005 1:57 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Shifting from sexual to romantic again...

I'm just cynical will pass by tonight and then I'll be my usual self again. Promise.

The past few weeks have been a bit of a testing phase, trying something new for me on this site. I'm thankful that the experiment was a failure though because I'm really not a casual sex person. Women can pick that up somehow (well aside from reading my writing) and so women looking for just a quick encounter avoid me like the plague. Instead of feeling rejected, I actually find it comforting. (Smile)

This may not be the site for me to meet someone.

I suppose the main reason for that is that people are on here to sample or to try something new. They aren't looking to be with someone like me, they're looking to sample if my reality is as hot as some of my writing (and hey my private stuff is much hotter than anything I've written publicly). I don't want to be her "fifth guy down the list in Messenger", nor do I want to be her "well I'm bored & you're available, so..."

Those things might be okay for some people, but I want to be more significant to someone I spend time with, someone I care about, someone I'm also interested in. I focus on someone I chat with, if it's a conversation deeper than "How's the weather? How's work?" then unless I'm scheduled to meet someone else that night, I'll go invisible so as not to be disturbed. People who chat with me know that I'm right there and they're not being juggled.

Anyway, I got way off topic rant mode no less. But my sex drive is calming down to tolerable levels again so I'm not 24/7 horny but just a few times a day again. Ahhhh...much more relaxing. (Smile) If not for porn, I would have exploded the past two weeks...unable to find even a cyber chat. Oh well, such is life. (Grin) So the shift is happening from highly sexual to romantic again.

Now that I'm able to feel and think properly again, I'm renewing my search for more than just a fuck-buddy or a "friend with benefits". That relationship type can be the bread & water to make it across the desert, but it's ultimately not satisfying. Besides, a woman incapable of deeper feelings is such a turn-off...ugh... If I sense a woman is capable of having her heart reactivated then she's worth the time & effort to make her human again, but sometimes I just plain need to move on. There's a huge difference between fear of intimacy and having your feelings shut off. I can tell the difference.

Another type of person to avoid (if you're sincere that is) would be the "serial dater" who I also think of as the professional dater. For an example of this, look at most of the characters from "Sex & the City". These are the types of people who can never really give up their options. If you're their favourite they won't see ONLY you...they'll just see you the most often. I'm supposed to be flattered that I'm number one in a list? I'm still a face in the crowd regardless. At some point there needs to be a bit of "Sorry for this, Bob, Jack, Tom, Adam, Paul, Leroy, Dave, and most of all you Steve...but I'm in love with soemone now, so I'm going to be focusing on them to give it a chance." I've noticed this only really seems to happen online where the person I chat with has the ability to juggle many people at once in chat while making all of us believe we're the only one. I'd applaud their level of expertise at it, but I'm afraid it is NOT a skill to be proud of. (Sigh) It sounds like this year's pilgrimage to find someone on the Net is soon going to end. Empty-handed like the past few years. I can only stomach the tricks & headgames people play on here for a short couple of months each year and then go back to it being a source of files to download and info to research. At least I have a couple of interesting people I can chat with, that I always maintain even when I retreat from other online seeking & socializing. The ones I feel best with are the ones I keep chatting with.

OK, enough ranting for today. I hate being in a cynical mode...yuck! So almost as soon as I post this I'll feel much better and will go do what perks me up best (aside from an interested woman of course) and that's to rent a nice big stack of movies, whip together something tasty, pour myself a nice tall glass of something sweet, relax on the bed, and enjoy a good round of movies. Mmmmm...I'm feeling better just thinking about doing it!

I'll be fine soon, but you have yourself a better day,

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