I'm starting to lose faith in online women again...  

rm_MovieBuff333 43M
47 posts
6/26/2005 11:06 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

I'm starting to lose faith in online women again...


First a bit of back-story. I've been online since a couple of years before puberty. That was long before the internet and even longer before it was cool to be online. So I've seen trends come & go and I could write a book on how much things have changed online each year. Which is why every year when I'm single (and lonely as a result) I come online for a couple of months to see if I can attract a woman who will be genuine interested in me. Usually I retreat from the internet empty-handed since I can only take so much online exposure before the rejection gets to me.

I think this weekend it started again, but I'm going to try to keep my hopes up that I can find someone before I totally succumb to the rejection.

OK...to title this losing faith in online women isn't totally fair...there are a lot of guys who do similar things to what I'll describe.

It's widely known that people who log on usually don't treat other people with the same courtesy they would if the person was physically present. Chat programs come with "Invisible mode" and "Block mode". Someone can also log on and write emails to all of their other friends and decide to leave replying to you for a day...or a few days... Or they'll read it and figure they don't need to reply at all.

This is the equivalent of a face-to-face conversation where the person might have a blank, far-away look in their eyes or else they just nod so it looks like they're following the conversation. If you're at a party or gathering and someone starts giving you this treatment, instead of getting upset with them, you usually just wander off to talk to someone else. Lukewarm, iffy people are very frustrating...especially since they're usually people you're excited about talking to and so that's why it's so disappointing when they clearly send you the message that they don't give a toss about you. Without actually hurting your feelings by telling you of course...pfft...like it's so much more humane to leave you in Limbo making a fool out of yourself and wasting your time on someone who doesn't give a flying toss about you.

Yes, people are busy, yes women seem to always be so much busier than men (to use my experiences over the past several years as a guage). So I accept that and understand it, and let a woman off the hook for a few days of not replying to a long, juicy fantasy story written about her & I together or else a missed reply a few days ago to something romantic & endearing. But when it becomes a pattern over weeks...it makes me re-evaluate everything.

Now, if the other person is a Player or another flavour of manipulator, then they are actually expecting you to do this, to wander off & find someone else to spend time with and forget about them. This is a slimy, passive-aggressive tactic. Oh...you heard me. The only time it might be considered acceptable is AFTER you've had a serious "Look, I'm just not interested in you..." conversation with someone. After that, then you can use the "ignore him and hopefully he'll give up" tactic that I see a lot of (and have been on the aggravating receiving end of more times than I'd care to remember). But if this tactic is your first line of defense instead of the clear-cut truth...I pity you. You heard me.

If you didn't realize you're doing it and that this behaviour is socially unacceptable, then you can redeem yourself here & now by changing the way you treat people in the future. Simple as that. Although you might also be feeling apologetic as well.

Another set of phrases that I've come to dread include some that we've all probably heard so often that we don't know what message they're sending. The landmines in question are "call me..." and the ever-dreadful "keep in touch!"

First, I'll say that I do realize there are circumstances where calling needs to be a single-way deal with a single person always initiating the contact...so if that's the case then discount the rest of what I'm about to say about "Call me".

"Call me" sends the silent message that the other person shouldn't expect to hear from you out of the blue...that you want them to call you and you'll choose whether or not to answer/respond. It's almost like the other person sends the message that they're tolerating you instead of interested in hearing from you...well maybe not that harsh. However it definitely sends the message they won't be trying to initiate contact.

OK, maybe I'm just being overly-sensitive right now. (Sigh) In which case I'm sorry.

But the words "Keep in touch" have become every bit as insincere in the English language as "How are you doing?" Again, keep in touch means that sometime in the vague future they want to hear how you're doing. Or maybe they don't care and it's just something they say to see you off before you head home...since telling you directy that they aren't interested in you would be too confrontational.

Again, I apologize, since I can clearly see that my recent experiences are souring my words & outlook.

I want to be my usual hopeful & happy self again. This means removing myself from sources of negativity (oh and they have names hehehe...just kidding) and then finding someone who is a positive influence. I love to have a woman who is passionate about me as well as someone who enjoys me being passionate about her. I'm so tired of being passionate about a woman and having her give me the old "Uh. That's nice, Rich. I'll get back to you next week." Whatever happened to passionate women. The kind who you can turn them on with a deep, penetrating gaze and hot words that make her tingle before my hands even reach out to stroke her nipples...getting her so hot that she reaches out to squeeze me or start pulling a piece of my clothing off. I've never had a woman like that and dang but I want a woman like that! Seriously, I enjoy a woman who shows interest in sex as well as during sex.

If I wanted a woman who's indiferent and not genuinely interested in me, then I'd stuff bills in her G-string thankyou very much. Sidenote: I've only been to a strip club twice and it's definitely not for me...it's like going to the mall & window shopping...very frustrating. I mean is it too much to ask for a simple "Wow, Rich, I would LOVE to get my hands on that!" or a bit of "Your story got me so hot that I couldn't resist grabbing my new pack of batteries and..." or even a little "Well, Rich, that was a great fantasy...when are you available to get together for that massage and whatever may come after it?"

When I spend an hour or more on someone and get the minute or couple of minute return on the investment, it makes me think I'm wasting my time. I've also noticed how much harder (oddly enough) it is to get female companionship than it is to get an offer of sex. Well I can't say as I'm getting any sex either hehehe but you get my point. It's all so...backwards.

I offer my companionship as well as sex. I don't do "just sex". If that's all I wanted then I could just surf for some porn movies thank you very much. But I raise even "vanilla sex" to a very high quality level. I'm excellent at finding ways to improve pleasure and spend time with a woman's body to find what she really gets turned on by. I show a high level of interest in a woman not only in the bedroom but before and even afterwards. Insincere guys always show themselves by not caring afterwards...since they already got all they were after. I go grab you a cold drink after sex, I bring a towel to help dry your sweat off, hell I've even been known to give a relaxing spongebath after great sex. I spend time slowly & softly stroking a woman's back & shoulders I thighs after sex...rubbing in the pleasureable goodness of it and also I enjoy the touching. And cuddling is fantastic, I'd purr if I only could, I know I do a lot of contented moaning & wide smiling after sex. Kissing is also extremely good, although if a lover doesn't like kissing on the lips because it's too intimate (don't even get me started on the rant of no-kissing-during-sex kinds of women hehehe), then kissing her shoulders & back while rubbing & touching a lover...yes, I enjoy that.

Just thinking about publicly posting all of what I just wrote in that paragraph...it suddenly reminds me that I really don't belong on a site like this. I want a woman who finds these things endearing, not someone who finds them to be negative or clingy or desperate. And I think some of the people reading this might have those negative judgements. (Sigh)

I want to be where I am appreciated and with someone who I can appreciate and who will appreciate me. Yes, I used that word a lot there because most people have forgotten what it means and how important it is.

Anyway, it's getting very late over here so I'm not even maing sense anymore...just ranting & raving. But I did find my hope again after my initial rant...so I do feel positive again about finding someone who will be good to be with...someone who will seek me out and want to hear from me. I know that a woman like that has to exist.

Right?

Rich

rm_jayR63 59F
1884 posts
6/27/2005 1:56 am

I want some pretzels


guynamedjim 58M
728 posts
6/27/2005 8:40 am

Remember the song: WORDS get in the way. GREAT POST! and SO true...
The QUESTION what ever happened to passionate and sensual sex? Lack of communication by women hence not building bridges of understanding, hence any wonder why sex is forced anymore, women are treated badly? What happened to the art of woman listening, and caring? Thats a question not be addressed (no pun there). It's a battle of Fanasty (women) vs. Reality (men). The more things change the more they stay the same! Don't wish to revisit my teen years, rather embracing the maturity of our ages. Reality is it isn't just guys playing the games. Our way is treating a woman better, having things my way culture both parties lose and the hunger go's unfullfilled.
This is then to the woman hiden away, and tucked away in some corner of the world you are appreciated beyond understanding and illusions. Question in the vitual community of fanasty do you hear the echo crying in the wilderness?


rm_MovieBuff333 43M
28 posts
6/27/2005 4:34 pm

Well, I'm not too sure about your pretzels but I do need to buy some more snacks over here anyways, so an extra bag wouldn't hurt. (Grin)

But as for passionate & sensual sex...THAT is something much harder to find nowadays. It does take both people setting up an atmosphere of trust and making it CLEAR that you are positively interested in each other. You can still have your thrill of mystique and everything like that at the same time...but what you're trying to do is give them the message that "I like you. I'm interested in you. I want to have have high-quality sensual sex with you. And I'm open to hearing what turns you on. And I promise I won't judge you negatively based on your fantasies...and better yet, if your fantasy turns me on then maybe we can try it together. I will do everything I can to give you greater pleasure and always improve, but sometimes you may need to give me a hint or point me in the right direction if I missed a hint."

Somehow, in the past I've been able to convey these things to a woman without actually saying all of those things directly. Keep in mind as well that there are limits to everything.

For instance, in my time online I have come across a couple of women who have had fantasies. I shudder at this, although trying not to judge them for it. That's a roleplay fantasy that I could never act out, it would break my heart, taint me, no way, not even with groundrules. They outlined being in the backyard & getting jumped and screaming, etc. Hey, people get arrested for that, and in most states & provinces the District Attorney will prosecute such a case even if the woman refuses to testify and even rushes to defend that it was just roleplaying. The DA's assumption is that she's being threatened/pressured to say that. So it's some very heavy stuff.

I'm more about sexual healing & sex therapy (even for couples) than I am about making a problem worse. (Smile)

Have a better day, I know I'm going to try to,
Rich


guynamedjim 58M
728 posts
6/27/2005 9:51 pm

fanasties so true! I find myself trying to turn the tide in the direction of sexual healing & sex therapy. Some about those being so much much sensual ,and not fostering environment of encouraging abuse that continues vicious cycle where no one wins. I'm seeing actually seeing us guys being much more sensible, and fostering caring attitude. Pass those petzels! I love petzels.


abc987655 51F

6/27/2005 11:24 pm

Think about what you're asking for. It takes time and effort to develop a relationship. We live in a world where people think microwave popcorn takes too long. Who wants to invest time anymore? And effort? Forget it - we're being raised in a fast-food, fast-life environment. If it's quicker and easier, it must be better. Sad world for our children to be growing up in. But, have faith, she's bound to come along.


rm_MovieBuff333 43M
28 posts
6/28/2005 3:54 am

Very true... And I have witnessed over the years that guys are becoming more sensible about things. It has to do with the number of women who hear "life online is fantastic, you've got to check it out, Girlfriend!" and so they come online and some Player just totally preys on them and they become cynical. So this means the only guy she even has a chance of trusting the next time around will be a sensible guy...so the sensible guys are still out here & out there...it's just that we're not as noticeable as the Players who make a big splash and stand like skyscrapers on the horizon...so women notice them first and get suckered in. (Sigh)

And as for the other poster's reply:

ABC, thanks for stopping in and adding to the discussion. You're right that is essential to establishing a good relationship...it takes time & effort. When I hit it off with a woman, she certainly knows that I am focussed on here and getting to know her. The emails I write are often larger than my posts. I give a woman a lot to chew on...OK on this site I should rephrase that hehehe. But I give her a lot to work with...a whole lot of topics so she can pick which topics she wants to pursue.

The sad thing is that, to use your analogy, I'm in the kitchen preparing a full-course dinner with choice of entrees & desserts...and she's just popping a bag of microwave popcorn in for a quick snack.

However, in the beginning they're matching my stride, they're totally impressing me on how intelligent they are and I'm amazed at the amount they're writing to me & responding to me. Then after the first week or maybe a second...all of a sudden it will shift so that I come home to an empty mailbox and a number of days pass. So I'll write her a shorter email to the tune of "I realize you're busy, looking forward to hearing from you, hope you're doing well..." and fill her in on what's going on in my day. Then I finally get a reply days later and it's maybe a few lines long...or shorter...about how busy they are. So I sit down and write them a nice long email since I'm absolutely overjoyed to hear back from them at all (when an online woman doesn't talk to you or return phonecalls for a few days, it usually means she's moved on). And then the cycle repeats back to me not hearing anything for a few days.

It's not just the recent woman, it's a bit of a pattern. (Sigh)

Oh well, still have hope and faith,
Rich


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