Fuck That  

rm_MariGrrl 39F
2485 posts
6/11/2006 4:46 pm

Last Read:
2/25/2007 12:58 pm

Fuck That

I've been trying not to post too much sad, depressing stuff. But, Fuck That ... I can't write a happy upbeat blog when I'm not happy.

This blog is me. Simple as that and I can't pretend to feel something I don't. Fuck That

I'm just tired of the hurt, the inescapable pain. But, its so tempting to let my heart win as my eyes push out tears that never stop. Fuck That

I can't turn off my heart. I can't just vanish into the wind and pretend none of this was real. Fuck That It was real... at least to me!

I feel my heart race everytime the phone rings. I die a little each time realizing its not the call. Fuck That

I screwed up and let him in. Now my heart won't let go. I miss him... I try not to. He haunts my dreams. Fuck That

But, I will not be ruined by this. I know the pain will subside (eventually). Someday, I might trust again. Someday, the tears will stop. Its so hard not to let this hurt overcome me. How could I have ever believed? How could I have been so blind? I will not be blinded again! I will not let this ruin me!

Fuck That!!

yogagrrl 48

6/11/2006 5:18 pm

Knowing that the pain will pass says alot about you, that you are aware. Some people just continue to be in pain and stop living. It will pass and you'll be fine. We've all had our hearts broken at one time you'll come out on top and do much, much better with the next romance.

There are so many beautiful men out there, go find a new play mate for a while. I might be sounding a bit shallow, but you need to look out for yourself right now.

Be the bigger person here, don't call him again... fuck him. Go on and live because life is sooooo worth living.

Please don't take offense to what I've said... I just feel your pain and wish you only the best.

Remember, we are responsible for our own actions, what comes around goes around... you know that kramic energy so it might make you feel better knowing that, someone will really breatk his heart one day.

rm_MariGrrl replies on 6/11/2006 7:36 pm:
Thank you for your kind words. I think I'm just going to take a break from romance for the time being.

As far as karma bringing him heartbreak... I really hope it doesn't. I'm hurt and confused. But, I suspect he may be hurting too. Our relationship was a very complicated one with a lot of outside issues. It just got to be too much I guess.

HeartlessBitch69 46F

6/11/2006 5:24 pm

Chin up girl! I am right there with ya! You gots us all here!

rm_MariGrrl replies on 6/11/2006 7:38 pm:
Thanks HB, I know you've been through your own shit storm lately. You know I'm here for you as well.

julie4daddy34 45F
599 posts
6/11/2006 6:21 pm

awwwwww! Makes me sad to read that your not happy. Sounds like someone has really hurt you and I'm sorry to hear that. I hope it all gets better soon.

rm_MariGrrl replies on 6/11/2006 7:39 pm:
It just takes time. Thanks Julie... not trying to bring ya down girl.

imaxtoy 33M
1289 posts
6/11/2006 6:23 pm

I'm sorry to hear. Just wanted to tell you that, you shouldn't hold in the pain if you feel it. It's been proven scientificly that if you cry you'll feel better afterwards. It's one of many ways we humans learn to deal with pain. So just let it out. Don't be upset if you can't stop yourself from crying. Let it pour out like a broken dam until the lake empties. Then you'll be able to rebuild a stronger you that can hold true. May your heart mend and shine...

imax, the toyed

rm_MariGrrl replies on 6/11/2006 7:40 pm:
I needed to hear that. I'm one of those people that feels like a big wimp when I cry. You are right though, maybe I need to just let it all out. Thank you!

n0tatalker 39M

6/11/2006 6:36 pm

the f0rce is strong with this one... embrace y0ur hatred... (sssshhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaa ssssssssshhhhhhhh hhhhhhhaaa....)

rm_MariGrrl replies on 6/11/2006 7:42 pm:
Why is it that even when I've been tearing up like a little baby one off the wall fuckin comment from you can make me smile? Oh, wait... I know... its cause your fuckin nuts! And crazies are always entertaining...lol.

Thanks n0ta

flagg134 36M
1582 posts
6/11/2006 9:41 pm

Sorry to hear things have been so grim wish I had something witty or uplifting to say. All I can offer is empathy I have been there had it all and seen it taken away right before my eyes. Take as long as you need away from love or strong feelings.

Don't give up on your heart though its huge and deserves to be appreciated. Closing heart off to others for good isn't going to make you feel any better. Also never feel bad about releasing your feelings here its your space and we will love ya no matter what.

Now I need to start following my own advice. Pot, Kettle, Black


rm_MariGrrl replies on 6/12/2006 12:14 am:
I'm sure you can also understand then the mix of emotions that can come from a sudden break-up. I feel like I'm all over the place... anger, guilt, fear, sorrow... I pass the blame back and forth between him and I. But, what I realized tonight is that it just doesn't matter. I'll probably never know why things happened the way they did. The reason doesn't change the outcome and I have other things in my life to focus on.

I won't give up on my heart... just give it a little rest. I'm planning on taking things easy and natural from here on out. No more jumping without looking. I have this deep romantic streak that always wants to believe in the fairy tale ending. I've only let this side be seen a couple times.

I've realized that it is okay to give your heart away. You just have to be careful who you give it to. Because it might not be so easy to get it back.

Thank you

bulging_boy 49M

6/12/2006 3:29 am

Well I still reckon you're cool.

If it helps... I'll post another of my memories.

rm_MariGrrl replies on 6/12/2006 9:55 am:
LOL, yeah those are always good for a smile

SleekIcilyVarix 41M

6/12/2006 3:54 am

hugs Mari...it sounds like you're determined to overcome the pain, and like you said, eventually, you will. Hopefully the emotional roller coaster will run it's course sooner than later. I hope you find your fairy tale ending someday...it's still something worth believing in.

rm_MariGrrl replies on 6/12/2006 9:56 am:
I am determined. I know it my head what needs to be done. Its just difficult to get my heart to follow along.

sexyariesgirl 57F

6/12/2006 5:12 am

HUGGS sweetie!

Power To FOK

rm_MariGrrl replies on 6/12/2006 9:57 am:

1000ft_above 45M

6/12/2006 7:59 am

I am always here...don't forget that. Unconditionally, you can use my shoulder anytime you need to. I hope your pain subsides in time, I hate to see you hurting. Take Care.

rm_MariGrrl replies on 6/12/2006 9:57 am:
I know, you've always been there for me. Thank you!

norprin5 55M

6/12/2006 9:16 am

hugs for you, Mariluv...

King Nor XVIII

rm_MariGrrl replies on 6/12/2006 9:58 am:
Thanks Nor

knightshadow01 44M

6/12/2006 10:01 am

The sun will come out tomorrow....

Enjoy the friends you have they will always be there.

rm_MariGrrl replies on 6/12/2006 12:08 pm:
Yes, the sun always rises... its just hard to see it sometimes. But, good friends definatley make those days a lot easier.

p33c3y0 42M

6/12/2006 10:17 am

fuck that ... the perfect sentiment ... imho ...

rm_MariGrrl replies on 6/12/2006 12:09 pm:
yep, Fuck That!

rm_gerson42 52M
2419 posts
6/12/2006 10:55 am

life is fucked up sometimes. Vent it, feel it, let it go and move on. Thinking your post may have helped the process. Oh yeah, and breathe.

rm_MariGrrl replies on 6/12/2006 12:10 pm:
You're right, letting this out has helped. Thank you!

(What the fuck is this shit..?? *rolls eyes*)

6/13/2006 8:29 pm

FUCKING A, you said Baby now LET IT GO.....Ready


rm_MariGrrl replies on 6/13/2006 9:41 pm:
.... and GONE!

Become a member to create a blog