Real Life Story.... Part 3  

rm_MamCsDawne 46F
290 posts
4/23/2006 2:57 pm

Last Read:
4/27/2006 8:02 pm

Real Life Story.... Part 3

With my soft soul hidden in the upper corner of my room I begain to resist and try to turn a very negative situation into something that would become positive for me. As i become a woman way before my time.
Way before any girl of my age would of needed to know most of what was a routine for me. August, after my 15th birthday: This weekend was the same as always, Master K had went away to work in the mines repairing broken belts, But this time he wasnt in Kentucky, he was somewhere in WV. I dont remember the name of the mine he went to, but anyways he left.. and that is what mattered to me.
I had spent the weekend before with my sis and we had such a good time without the control of
Master K. And for the second time in my lifeI felt safe with her. (the first time i wont mention but she knows when that was) It was on this weekend both of realized what he was doing to one, he had done to the other. In my sisters case I think it may of been a lil more extreeme, she had been the strong one. The one who wouldnt take no shit, The one who could handle the pain, both physical and mental. (so it seemed to me)..Anyways when the visit was over i went home.
The weekend that he went away to the mine was a hot weekend.. up in the 90s.. I always loved August weather. I played outside most all weekend, and was able to go down by the river, a place where i found quite a bit of solitude when i needed to. While sitting on the riverbank, I would watch the water flow over the rocks and think about the way things should be, Instead of how they actually were.
When it was time for me to go home, Id run as fast as i could over the large rocks, barefoot of
course, and then thru the path and over the dyke to my back yard.
That night, sunday night. I knelt down by my bed as Master K taught us to do to say my bedtime
prayer. And i prayed, "Oh please God, if you are there, if you can hear my small voice, Please make all this stop. I dont want to be his slave no more. I dont want to ...." blah blah blah... the prayer was
very deep and very sincere, I prayed for him to stop.. prayed for him to die....
Not more than 4 hours later, when Master K should of well been home, The phone rang. That was
the only sound that would wake me from a deep sleep. I heard her on the phone "Yes?..... I understand...Yes.... omg no.... *sobs...... ok..... ok.... I will be right there... " then she hung up the phone. Mom come into my
room and said to me..." wake up.. keep an eye on your lil brother, i will be back in a lil while." I asked "where you going mom? she said to me, "He has went down in the mine steeple, they took him to the hospital, I will be back" and out the door she ran so fast. Several hours had past and it was breaking daylight outside, my brother still sleeping. I see moms truck pull in the drive.
HE IS DEAD was the word. Massive Heart Attack while working on the belts... that is all i heard.!! All I could stand to hear. Some part of me knew that it was my prayer that killed the bastard, yet i didnt care. Then there was another part of me saying, "its ok, it wasnt you" I cried so hard, partly because of the loss of my step-father, Master K. and partly because of relief, it was over, never again could this
man do this to another child.
A lot of what i went thru as a child I never realized was wrong at the time. never gave it a second thought. The area was no longer black and white.. i had some gray area now. Room to grow and understand that the Dominate in me was the reason he couldnt reach my sole. And now, having lived the sub side, I thought that was how i was supose to be, as a woman, as a friend... but somewhere over time, leaving out
details on purpose, I found that I wanted to be in control.. Control of my destiny, Control of my path,
Control of the bills, the lil everythings in my life. Not to harm those that were not in control, but to help them learn their limits, and to know that they are ppl too. and deserve to be treated kind.
I learned alot about tending to wounds and healing the pain that i cause in the Ds lifestyle. I also learned that deep inside was still that submissive... Thus... I am Dominate to most... but submissive only to my husband. We are a Dominate couple.

Like it or not, it is true. I am who i am. and I have grown lots because of what happened to me.. dont judge me, dont feel sorry for me.. I am a very strongperson because of where i have been. I just know in my heart I will never be able to Dominate someone the way that Master K did... and for all the kids and adults out there who have survived....
most will ever know.) ..... I will live my life till, my life is over, and no one will make me do, what i dont want to do....................


spacecadet561 59M

4/23/2006 3:19 pm

It sounds like your prayer was answered with a certainty. Your note in my blog sounds like you're doing better than it sounded from part 2 of this woeful tale. That's good to hear.


imLadyBambi 58M/50F

4/23/2006 4:22 pm

I was also abused sexually and verbally. There were lots of times I prayed for my dad to die as well. When he finally died about 7 years ago from lung cancer, I was happy that he was suffering the way he made me suffer in so many ways.

But, then again there was grief because he still was my dad.

I guess that's one thing you never get over but, like you said it does make you stronger.

Thanks for sharing!

Lady Bambi

MamChelle 48F  
1443 posts
4/23/2006 4:28 pm

Sissy! You are my hero! i am so blessed by you. Next time W/we go to Wv and get down where W/we grew up i am insisting that You go with me to do a little grave pissing! It sure makes me feel better everytime i get the chance to do it...kinda like returning the favor......*wicked laugh* And Sis it is okay to also love....i embrace the pain as a way of healing. You embraced the being able to control ...same mirrored is all.. funny how W/we turned out that way...wouldn't change that for my innocence back. *hugs and wiping tears* The strong one ..huh? weak without you Sis.

NGs_lady 64F
762 posts
4/24/2006 1:26 pm

I think you are both heros and don't relize it. Thank you for shairing with us all.


rm_titsandtires 51M/41F
3656 posts
4/25/2006 2:35 am

Just like NG's lady says, you are both heros.

"I'm not worthy! "I'm not worthy!"

you two rock.


MamChelle 48F  
1443 posts
4/25/2006 2:29 pm

Awe!! No hero here..just a scared little girl who found a way out, and has stopped being afraid of the boogymen,who hide behind the Lifestyle that i love so much. My strength comes from being loved by my Sis unconditionally. (when i am a bitch she still cares ) And from the love of my F/friends...Tires, is Y/you who warm my heart and shine the light of compassion, so that there is no more fear of the dark and no more shame over my past. Thanks to people like this...the closet door on this crime can no longer be locked or secreted. Blessings to You A/all chelle.

rm_MamCsDawne 46F
218 posts
4/27/2006 8:02 pm

Amen Sis.. now i dont have to address all that.. lol.. thanks..

see how well sis always takes care of me.. thus my handle on here.. im hers forever.. heheheheh.. *evil grins.. (anyone who knows us.. knows the truth).. she is mine mine mine.. mine i tell ya..

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