Little girl up in the corner!  

rm_MamCsDawne 46F
290 posts
12/14/2005 5:10 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Little girl up in the corner!

Not so sure of my age then.. but I remember my body wasnt yet
what it is now.. not developed i mean.. this story is sad..
but oh so true to me..
I was gettin ready to take a bath, so I undressed and threw
my clothes in the floor, like i had done a millon times before.
Then I turned on the water to just the right temperature.
Wasnt long till I had a nice full tub of water..
I climbed in over the edge of that big ole claw foot tub..
and the water was devine. I sunk in it up to my chest and laid
back against the sloping back of it. Wasnt long till i realized
I had forgot to get my washcloth. So like most young girls,
I started hollering "MOMMMM"... "MOOOOMMMMMM"
but mom never answered. Soon the bathroom door come open
and there was my stepfather asking me what i wanted. So,
I told him I had forgotten my wash cloth. He walked over to
the closet and got out one and then walked over beside the
tub. However it was kinda strange what happened next. I
definately wasnt expecting anything of the sort.
He leaned over and put the washcloth into the water and slid
it down my back. Oh! I thought as he was washing my back. He
rinsed it and then gave me the washcloth.
He didnt stand back up which i thought was weird.. he continued
to rub my back.. gettin lower and lower.. till his huge hands
slid under my lil ass. From this point on I was that lil girl
that floated above..I didnt feel nothing nor did i see anything
that i didnt wanna see.
When i seen his shadowy figure leave the bathroom I quickly
got out of the tub and forgot to dry off and put on my clothes..
I know I had just taken a bath.. but i felt as dirty as ever.

What did that man do to me? Why over 25 yrs later do i still
feel the impact of what he did so long ago. And why can I not
remember the details of things like this. Or even simple
lil details like what i ate for lunch. I guess there are keys
that will eventually unlock those memories. But when that
happens will i really want them unlocked???

MamChelle 48F  
1443 posts
12/14/2005 1:14 pm

Oh sister. *hugs* No. Some things are better left in the past and why not try to just move on...things are sometimes better off left forgotten. I wish many times over that i had the ability to forget., that being said, I choose to cling to the good and happier times I do remember so that the others don't hurt qiute so much. As survivors of sexual abuse we all bear different scars, even you and I. I have always wished that i could have better protected you..I'd have given him my very soul had that been enough to make it stop with me. I want you to cling to the present and to your family, the boys and not try to find what should stay burried with him.

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