Tonight only! Limited time offer! While supplies last!  

rm_LoyalCumpany 46M
2036 posts
4/28/2006 7:53 pm

Last Read:
10/17/2007 9:01 pm

Tonight only! Limited time offer! While supplies last!

Enough's enough. The frustration has bubbled over. It is creating a writer's block and the juices need to be released. The hands have become way too familiar. Porno has lost it's charm (audiesnce gasps). I ran out of lube.

In other words, I need to get laid. Tonight. Within hours. Right now, preferably.

So tonight only, I am offering myself to the first woman who's up for the challenge, with a few quantifications. She must be shorter than me, in shape, nice big nipples, and the willingness to surrender herself to innumerable pleasures of the flesh (and maybe food. I'm hungry again).

We can spread a plastic sheet in front of my TV, watch the game (or porn. her choice), eat hot wings off each others' backs, and roll around spreading that oh so sweet sauce all over each other.

Then we can take the hottest shower ever. I'll scrub your body with whatever part of my body is closest (or most in need of touching), and we can explore how water can lubricate us in different positions.

After towelling each other off, we'd end up in my bed, watching a repeat of the game (or more porn). We'll play with toys and stare at my hockey memorabilia. (I can be the skater, you be the goalie. SCOOOOOOOORRRREEEE!) You could fall asleep in my arms, knwing I'm not quite the wierdest guy you've ever had sex with.

I am accepting applications from ladies only. If I get any. Shorter, sexy, ladies that fit my profile. Wouldn't you like to be the one?

I am JoJo the Circus Boy!

rm_bucfannn 61M/60F
2110 posts
4/29/2006 12:38 am


Well, I'm too tall... AND too old. Jeez. What rotten luck.

Never fails, too....

rm_LoyalCumpany replies on 4/29/2006 12:47 am:
You're too tall?

Just means I'd have better access to your.. meck. I'll bend the rules.

rm_LoyalCumpany replies on 4/29/2006 2:35 am:
I meant neck. *sigh* Really your chest, but if I ever find your meck....

JeersPilarSaver 35F

4/29/2006 1:24 am

damn!!!! tonight??? how?? we're too far!!! ohhh...wish i can fly to u now now now...

rm_LoyalCumpany replies on 4/29/2006 2:37 am:
Wait... checking profiles.... DAMMIT! I'll extend the offer for the weekend. How long's the flight? {=}

Seriously_Real 48M

4/29/2006 6:15 am

You know, there's comment whoring, and then there's COMMENT's hoping you get some localized takers.


rm_LoyalCumpany replies on 4/29/2006 12:27 pm:
I think my hot wings and hockey memorabilia comments ruined any chance I had.

I can't even be a whore right. Who wants to teach that class?

rm_wetfingeraz 53F
3012 posts
4/29/2006 7:47 am

Well, at least you're not desperate...

rm_LoyalCumpany replies on 4/29/2006 12:28 pm:
Did it sound desperate? I was going more for a pity fuck.

Back to the drawing board.

rm_magnet4u22 49F
18406 posts
4/29/2006 11:29 am

I'm too tall but everyone is the same height lying down, right?


rm_LoyalCumpany replies on 4/29/2006 12:36 pm:
Are we? Now the analytical part of my brain is considering measuring the highest part of my body when laying down (nose, cock if hard) and then measuring the highest part of your body (breasts)... and then I stop because I'm thinking about breasts.

velvethandsNZ 68M

4/29/2006 5:08 pm

Fussy fussy fussy!!

Yes - that was meant to be an F!

M8 - when you are as desparate as you say you are hight doesn't matter, not does anything else except basic anatomic cavities.

Which leads to the conclusion that you are a virtual fraud! Wow!

Remember a simple thing - ALL women are beautiful if you look with an open heart and mind. The skinny and tall ones, the chubby and small ones the thinny and short the larger and tall whatever their body statistics LOOK INSIDE THEIR MINDS and you'll find an woman who want to be pampered and pamper in return - just like man need to be appreciated and hero worshiped a little!

All the laws and regulations and mores in the world cannot outdo Gaia (mother nature to some) so get out of your keyboard and live.

Happy tales!

rm_LoyalCumpany replies on 4/29/2006 5:32 pm:
And the 2nd most accurate and concise description of me.

Which leads to the conclusion that you are a virtual fraud!

Someone who might have gotten it. Well done.

TheRealThing655 48F
9558 posts
4/29/2006 6:52 pm

ok, I fit the height requirement, but ummm, the plastic sheet? Don't you own a blanket??

rm_LoyalCumpany replies on 4/29/2006 8:59 pm:
I'm too clean to want to roll around with wing sauce on a blanket. Besides, I was thinking about adding some baby oil to the mix. And feathers. And crackers. At the same time.

jktagirl69 40F
79 posts
4/30/2006 7:52 am

Sounds great ...

But am too far away ...

Darn !!

rm_LoyalCumpany replies on 4/30/2006 8:57 am:
Oh, I extended the offer for the whole weekend for those in Indonesia, sort of a daylight savings plan with a twist. The flight can't be that long, can it?

Next weekend maybe? Or some pictures? A nice note? Virtual handhsake?

velvethandsNZ 68M

4/30/2006 2:21 pm

Might have gotten it!!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!


I really like the Ms Cocker personna ...\8

rm_LoyalCumpany replies on 4/30/2006 8:54 pm:
If I got it, you'd probably observe a reduction in the obvious frustration I show in my writing.

Hey, where's that daughter of yours? KIDDING!!!!

crazygurl2xx 56F

5/1/2006 5:12 pm

<~~~ 5'4" (and i think 5'7" is hot...)what's your name baby? lol

rm_LoyalCumpany replies on 5/1/2006 11:25 pm:
Names are unimportant... you had me at 5'7" is hot...

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