So THAT'S what happens when you drink too much  

rm_LoyalCumpany 46M
2036 posts
4/30/2006 11:22 am

Last Read:
5/23/2006 9:58 pm

So THAT'S what happens when you drink too much

Ended up going out last night with the last of my friends that's not a father yet. Well, that's changing. He and his wife are expecting in November, and we went out to celebrate the last time we could go hang out as guys. I bought him a few drinks, raised my glass, toasted him and his upcoming family, and that's about all I remember for a while. I think I got back home and watched some porn that involved sheep and Star Wars characters. I made a halfway comprehensible blog entry though. Impressed the alcoholic stench of my breath didn't permeate anyone's nostrils that happened to run across it.

So I'm the last of the once tight knit group of friends to be single and not have children or court ordered payments for said children. I realized oh shit, I'm becoming that guy. You know, the one who shows up at Christmas parties and all he has to talk about is his cats while everyone else goes on about their children and wives and house payments. I get to offer my latest tale of what Fluffy shit on this time.

I wonder what can stop this seemingly inevitable process of being the shunned attender of all things family oriented. The third wheel. The creepy guy with the overcoat near the schoolyard. And then I decide I won't be that guy. I'll have to do something about this, and quick, before the police find the boxers I left at the schoolyard. And then the idea bounces around my brain. I'm hungover so I concentrate...

Wait, it's coming.....

Almost there....

I'll buy a bride to bear children.

A made to order, fully specified model of whatever size, shape and mouth I want! With all the extras! Teeth, hair, and if I can afford it, willingness to swallow!

I begin my search on Google. I enter "russian brides" because hey, don't we all want a little ex-commie who doesn't understand a word of English giving Customs your name? I'm sure they stopped programming their kids to be Brigitte Nielsin type assassins after the Cold War was over, right?

Uh oh... 3.9 million hits? Oh well, let's go from the top down. I'm sure they're all the same anyway.

Hmmm.. chanceforlove... interesting name. Doesn't mention kids, but I'm sure with enough vodka I could get her to pop one out. Go to their site and holy crap, these Russian girls are gorgeous. No problems getting it up for them. Might even cook a dinner or two for that brunette.

What's this? It gives you the option for a trial membership? Sounds like a 30 day return policy. Perfect! I could get one pregnant within the first month, break her, and send her back for a new one. I could field a baseball team with a couple of relievers by 2027. I click on the register button.

It wants me to give them all of this information? Name, address, phone number? If I fill this out, what sort of junk mail are they going to send me? Free samples of these women's bodies? I'm not too sure I'd want to open my mailbox and find a shaved p..pus...vagina with nothing else attached. Then again... wonder if the ovaries come with.

I'll wait on the registering. There's a link here to preview the women. Interesting. She's blonde, gorgeous, 24, and a hairdresser. Definite mom material. She'll be 40 pounds heavier and and have a broken pelvis by the time I get done with her. Wait... what the fuck is this at the top of the page? The title is "young girls pubescent russian"?. OK, it's not prepubescent. But still, why would anyone use that as a description? "Hey, Mom. Thought I'd call you and say guess what! I bought a bride! No, no, no, she's pubescent, really! It says so on their web site! And she comes with a vagina. Apparently they haven't used her for samples yet. You're gonna be a gramma!"

I'm thinking about just paying the $5.00 membership fee so I can get some samples. Hoping for a free tit. Ran out of milk.

I am JoJo the Circus Boy!

rm_bucfannn 61M/60F
2110 posts
4/30/2006 11:38 am

uhhhhhhh... methinks you need to start drinking Snapple...

rm_LoyalCumpany replies on 4/30/2006 9:06 pm:
Methinks I need to stop drinking period...

alwzwetbbw 37F

4/30/2006 12:10 pm

LMAO - all you need is the parts

rm_LoyalCumpany replies on 4/30/2006 9:09 pm:
You're right! Who needs the whole woman. Just some parts and some eggs...

sophia4u2no 49F

4/30/2006 1:45 pm

I'm thinking that the problem with the ordering of russian brides is that its like all things internet, you really won't know WHAT it is until it gets here, lmao, you might be better off sticking with the sheep from last night........enjoyed this and your other blog postings. Sophia.

rm_LoyalCumpany replies on 4/30/2006 9:36 pm:
Oh um... love your name. Same as my ex. Except I don't think she had the numbers at the end. Except in her mug shot.

I'll take a chance on the internet. I've gotten lucky before. Beides, enough free samples and I could build something close to a full woman. Might look like a jigsaw puzzle...

Blue_eyes_smile 42F

4/30/2006 2:07 pm

Hey dont feel happens to single women too, I am the 3rd wheel of my circle of friends, every one else is married, got kids, fixing to have kids, or got a wonderful boyfriend...
I wonder if they have mail-order grooms? lol j/k!

But then I think, hey being single isnt all that bad! Atleast I dont have to come home hearing someone bitching or complaining because dinner isnt on the table at 6 p.m., or do someone elses nastey laundry, hell I can even pack a bag go off for a day or two and not have to call in...

To each his/her own right? LOL

rm_LoyalCumpany replies on 4/30/2006 9:47 pm:
We could always save the money and buy each other. Crap, there I am being a whore again. Oh well, I AM cheap.. and easy. And hard too, if you get my drift.

Welcome to my blog.

rm_Shortdogg65 51M
672 posts
4/30/2006 2:47 pm

Oh that's good. LMAO. Shortdogg

rm_LoyalCumpany replies on 4/30/2006 9:58 pm:
Thank you, thank you. Information on my next show can be found.. well... here.

bikerbabe57701 49F

4/30/2006 2:57 pm

Hey we should strike up a deal....I'll help you help me out. We NEED TO TALK!!!

rm_LoyalCumpany replies on 4/30/2006 10:05 pm:
What are we talking about? The bride part or the childbearing part? Are you willing to buy me, or do I have to buy you?

rm_saintlianna 45F
15466 posts
4/30/2006 3:02 pm

You can rent me for 5 $ a day plus I come with a warranty.

rm_LoyalCumpany replies on 4/30/2006 10:07 pm:
Umm... uhhh... ahhhh... *reaches for wallet*

With an offer like that, with me, you're going to need that warranty protection...

sexymamma662003 31F

4/30/2006 3:12 pm

that is way to funny. i actually know a guy that saved up enough money to get a mail-order-bride but at the last minute decided to go all out and buy himself a brand new truck. he is kicking himself in the ass now couse that truck wont give him or get him any ass


rm_LoyalCumpany replies on 4/30/2006 10:14 pm:
He's still got the tailpipe. And he probably still gets the free samples.

Welcome to my blog. I'll have to see what blog is attached to that picture of yours...

Did I say something? Huh? Still looking at the picture, sorry.

ArtisticTwist75 41F
2505 posts
4/30/2006 3:41 pm

I agree... invest in Snapple.


rm_LoyalCumpany replies on 4/30/2006 10:16 pm:
Snapple? Does that go well with cereal?

JeersPilarSaver 35F

4/30/2006 6:32 pm

hahahaha u made me LOL early in the morning. c'mon...i think ure not that desperate right??? russian bride...ohh mi gawd.
im sure u wont be that guy, ure still young, sexy, ummm...can make me laugh anyway if u really really need a me im single, quite good looking and im sure can bear a chilf for u and u dont have waste ure time to register or spent ure money, LOL.


rm_LoyalCumpany replies on 4/30/2006 10:29 pm:
Umm... ahhh... ummm... *reaches for wallet*

Great. Now I not only have to learn the language, I need to start looking into visas and passports... looks like it might be well worth it. {=}

Did I say something? Huh? Sorry, still looking at the picture...

TheRealThing655 48F
9558 posts
5/2/2006 10:13 am

OK, you are way too funny. Hilarious! Nice pic to go with the post....nice visual, LOL.
My question is, what are you going to Blog about once you DO start getting laid?? Personally I hope it's not too soon because then we'd all miss out on this funny shit you post.

rm_LoyalCumpany replies on 5/2/2006 2:08 pm:
I keep saying if I ever do get laid it'll be like Samson's hair. Except mine's too short or shaved.

I'd drop this blog in a minute for a good romp in the hay...

mangomamiCT 42F

5/2/2006 9:38 pm

Hoping for a free tit. Ran out of milk.

rm_LoyalCumpany replies on 5/2/2006 11:04 pm:
HEY! That was my line!

Sorry, started looking at your picture and ... lost... track... of what... I .. say... huh?

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