posts 4/25/2006 2:55 am
4/20/2008 1:08 am
Lesson 3: How to give flowers at the wrong time
|Welcome back, class. I hope you all had a good weekend. Mine was spent alternating between not getting laid in Vegas and a nun's convention.|
Since it's Monday, we have a short lesson today. Remember to refresh yourselves on Lessons one and two.
Today we'll discuss flowers. No matter what a woman might say, she loves getting flowers. Upon receiving them, she may just decide at that moment to have sex with you. We can't have that. So, if you happen to have some spare flowers laying around and want to add some more names to your little blacked out book, follow these suggestions. This may be our easiest lesson, as you don't need someone who actually knows you. Just read the newspaper, look at the births and obituaries listings, and pick out some names.
Observe names of the women who recently gave birth. Look up a name in the phone book and get an address. With flowers in hand, go to your target for unsuccess' house the day after she has a child and leave them on the doorstep. Make sure the card says "I've missed you since that fabulous night of (insert date 9 months prior). Why haven't you called? Love, (insert your full name and phone number)". Not only will she never want you, the constant threat of violence from her husband/father of the child may prevent you from ever leaving the house, thus preventing you from meeting more potential mates. You may also do this for newlyweds, as you are almost assured they were engaged at the time.
Or go to a funeral, flowers in hand. Pick out the most attractive woman in attendance. Hand her the flowers with a smile (and if you can cry on command, do it). This time have the card read "I've always had a crush on you (insert random name here) since we knew each other in (insert random town here)". The chances of you getting both right are almost nil. She will look at you and say "But I'm not her" or something to that effect. Just smile lustily and reply "They were for her (point out another random woman), but you look so slutty in that dress I figured you'd put out for these". This will cause such a chaotic scene you may end up inside the coffin along with the deceased.
This being our second week, we shall now discuss any ways you yourselves have been unsuccessful with flowers. Anyone? Anyone? Anyone?
I am JoJo the Circus Boy!
4/25/2006 4:16 am
Well you learn something new everyday!!|
|rm_LoyalCumpany replies on 4/25/2006 5:14 am:|
Uh oh. A beutiful female who it appears with that comment, must have run into one of my students. I know I'll never be getting laid by you.
Seriously, thanks for stopping by. I enjoyed your blog and hope you enjoyed my response.
4/25/2006 10:36 pm
I went to take out a lovely young lady once, and gave her MOther flowers - her mother was one of those people whose hayfever pits them in hospital - she had never had cut flowers in her house and I shoved them into her face!|
The chance of mother/daughter action was definately off - and the mother told the girl to neve see me again - so I cont that as double unsuccess!
Is that OK??
|rm_LoyalCumpany replies on 4/26/2006 3:35 am:|
Anytime you can eliminate more than one potential mate at one time, you have unsucceeded your way into the advanced classes. Congrats!
posts4/20/2008 12:59 am
Damn this is getting intricate. Nose hairs, ummmm, oh yeah, cellmate, wenches, and ....and.... rubber bands! Adding....(scrolling back up) FLOWERS!|
(damn I'm gonna flunk for sure)