Ok,, I need some input  

rm_LostLilSoul 46F
373 posts
4/23/2005 3:41 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Ok,, I need some input


Alright,,,lets say you just met a woman who is 50%woman and 50% tomboy and shes a little different because instead of doing girly things like go to the mall for hours at a time,,worrying about her hair and makeup 24/7,,ect.ect,,,you find she has guy friends and she works on her car and she jokes and can basically fit right in as one of the guys. Now lets add that all of her guy friend may joke in a "hitting on you" kinda way but they have all hit on her at first and she has made it clear that she isnt interested so when they joke, they are really just joking and mean nothing by it. Ok you get to know this girl and you start dating her,,do you think that you would have a problem with her being around her guy friends? Do you think that once you started developing feeling for her that you would start feeling jealousy? Even if shes done nothing to think she would ever be unfaithful? I have pretty much all guy friends and Ive found that guys are fine with me having guy friends until I got involved with them and then Im told I cant be around them or I get accused of fucking them when theres no reason for it,, I had these friends when we met so why now cant I have them? What changes? I would really like some views on this. Now myself, I myself am kinda the jealous type but I dont hide that fact right from the start. I mean Im not crazy jealous but I dont want women hanging out with my man but if he had friends who he hung out with that we'r women when I met him, I wouldnt ask him to change that because its my choice to accept that or not and oblivously he wanted to be with me so why worry... I dont know I just think if someone is one way when you met them and you decide to get into a relationship with them,,you shouldnt expect them to change because of your insecurities..any thoughts on this> oh and excuse the spelling,,its late or should I say early and Im not proof reading

rm_4nik8_4u 61M
2501 posts
4/23/2005 5:15 am

OK, this is just me talking, fair is fair, you can't be jealous and expect someone else not to be. It is hard for most men to accept other men around a women they have interest in, especially if those men aren't friends of his. It's all about being secure. Some men are, most aren't. GOOD LUCK!!!

HUGS,
4nik8


rm_4nik8_4u 61M
2501 posts
4/23/2005 5:19 am

Here's another thought. Maybe you should find the difference between confident and controlling and look for the confident and secure guys.

HUGS,
4nik8


AslanTheLion1 53M
5 posts
4/23/2005 6:26 am

Hmmm,let me get this straight...it's ok for you to have male friends hang around and "Hit" on you in a "joking" manner but if your man were to female friends that acted in the same way,you'd have a problem.C'mon,do you really need to ask if there's a problem with this way of thinking?
Not judging...just asking.

Stay sweet,
Aslan


smileguyqc 53M

4/23/2005 6:42 am

It all has to be equal, you can't be jealous and expect a guy not to be. Being on AdultFriendFinder guys flirt with my wife all the time, it really makes her feel good about herself, her libido is through the roof, how can I complain about that


rm_pmac01 53M

4/23/2005 7:38 am

LostlilSoul,

Hmmm. Interesting post. I'm not sure I have full picture, but I'll give it a shot anyway. I think early on in a relationship it could be rather unnerving if you are being continually "hit on" by supposed guy friends and a new guy is dating you. Feelings of jealousy would be normal and probably natural for him. You have no track record with him or a brief one. What does he have to go on? I think it's a given that there will be "bumps in the road" at this point. However, all is not lost. This is where the work comes in for the relationship and you get to see what your partner is really like. You probably have explained everything to him similar to what you posted above. If you haven't this is a good time to do so. If the "hitting on" is verbal, explain to him what it means to you. Is it just flirting? Jokes? Is it how you feel you need to fit in to be with the "guys"? I must say that you may want to consider doing things differently. Maybe not completely differently, but considering changing how you interact with your guy friends. It would be interesting to see if your guy friends can't interact with you witouth the "hitting on" behavior. What does that say about them? Anywho, you don't have to change a thing. Out of respect for your love interest, you might consider looking at and tempering some of your own behavior. When I was married my wife had many guy friends. She remained close with them, but she was very up front with from the beginning that she had guy friends and that she was not romantically interested in them. This helped me a lot. I hope all this rambling helps.

Good luck!

p


ExcitedSenses 38M

4/23/2005 8:35 am

If you were with me, and you took good care of me, I would not complain if you were friends with people, as long as they were of good character. Some friends can be bad influences though, and I think it's alright to judge people by who they choose as their friends. I am sure if I had you I would not be complaining one bit.


mygmyg 59M

4/23/2005 8:56 am

LostLilSoul, Your tomboytype persone is so very attractive to men. It is "Captivating" to encounter a Lady we are so comfortable with, transference is your man's problem.
Placing ourselves in to a similar position of having only females for friends, being opportunistic, our minds make the leap, this confirms the accuser being the guilty party.
Atleast mentally these men know they are not trustworthy or have low self esteem, not believing they captivate you in the same manner.
A moth to a flame or lightbuld, your men are drawn to the flame and mentally beat themselves up with their insecurity and then turn this on you.
My fellow male commenters show how we miss the whole you. You state you admit to being forthcoming about your jealousy, BUT yo feel capable of handling the situation if roles were reversed. It is clearly stated and BAM, our minds make the leap, not filtering all the info.

LostLilSoul, protect yourself, I can't imagine being in your circle of friends and not exacting some physical retribution on the offending man.

It is really a weak, spineless man that would physically abuse a Woman. Suggest some specific martial art instruction/training and for god sake, report these men to the police, for your protection and the women they will meet in the future. Their behavior is intolerable, regardless of the WHYs, lockem' up, and get a restraining order and let your guy friends know that you need their help watching for the offenders. Keep those wrenches handy and whack the *^%# out of them.


tallraider1963 53M
2 posts
4/25/2005 5:11 am

My best friend is a a grat looking Tall biker kind of woman. I treat her like a best friend, no benefits, my past relationships could not understand my realtionship with this woman, very jealous. And yes I talk to her like one of the guys in front of her boyfriends from the past, they got down right mean to her about me. Jealous men are the ugliest of all men.


TheMajestic73 44M
2 posts
4/25/2005 10:30 am

lillost soul,
what no one has said here is : TRUST. If you have trust in a relationship no worries....if you don't, then what is the point of being in a relationship? and on that note...when are we going to The Loft? or Autographs? LOL have a great day


rm_4nik8_4u 61M
2501 posts
4/25/2005 11:49 am

LostLilSoul, You are absolutely right, I didn't read and understand what you were saying until I went back and reread it.You have my apology for not taking enough time to "see" what you were saying. I offer up no excuse other than I was being too eager to respond. I good enough person to accept when I'm wrong so, again, you have my apology.

HUGS,
4nik8


TakesTeatsStood 50M
505 posts
4/27/2005 9:52 am

WIll try to keep this short, which means I might not explain my thoguhts well enough - but c'est la vie....

when a guy is first interested in you he is willing to look past any problems he might have with you having mostly male friends because thats part of the package. Once you are 'his' (in a sense) then those same guys become threats. In his mind if things get even a little rocky between you two he is worried that you might turn to one of your guy friends instead of working things out with him.

Just my take on it. Its great to say there should be 'trust' - but by our age many of us have been burned by being trusting. Not your fault of course that you feel you can be trusted, but I will admit I would most likely have a problem with a woman I was involved with hanging around with mostly men.

Hope you find the right guy that fills your needs, but it sounds like a tall order.


Become a member to create a blog