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Cookies, Beer, and Chocolate . . . a small slice of heaven?
Cookies, Beer, and Chocolate . . . a small slice of heaven?
Hey, guys, thanks for the good idea Mighty thanks to Jazz, for inspiring this little ditty, and Priapose and Inkedandlonely for filling in the blanks on the Beer one!
Reasons why Cookie Dough is better than men:
1. It's enjoyable hard or soft.
2. It makes a mess too, but it tastes better.
3. You always want to swallow.
4. It comes already protectively wrapped.
5. You can make it as large as you want.
6. It's easier to find in a grocery store.
7. You can put it away when you've had enough.
8. It won't complain if you chew on it.
9. It comes chocolate flavored.
10. You won't get arrested if you eat it in public.
11. You don't have to change the sheets if you eat it in bed.
12. It won't wake you up because it's hard.
13. You don't have to find an excuse not to eat it.
14. It won't take up room in your bed.
15. You never have unwanted cookie dough chasing you around.
16. You know what the extra weight is from.
17. It is very pliable.
Reasons Why Beer Is Better Than Women:
1. A beer doesnít get jealous when you grab another beer.
2. When you go to a bar, you know you can pick up a beer.
3. A beer wonít get upset if you come home with beer on your breath.
4. You donít have to wine and dine a beer.
5. If you pour a beer right, you will always get good head.
6. Hangovers go away.
7. When you are finished with a beer, the bottleís still worth 5 cents.
8. You donít have to wash a beer before it tastes good.
9. A beer always goes down easy.
10. You can share a beer with your friends.
11. Beer is always wet.
12. You know youíre always the first to pop a beer.
13. A frigid beer is a good beer.
14. You can have more than one beer in a night and not feel guilty.
15. You can enjoy a beer all day long and day after day.
16. It's almost as easy to get an exceptional beer as a commonplace one.
17 beer doesnt get mad when you take its top off.
18 If someone offers you his beer, he doesn't get uptight when you take it.
19 What's on the label is what's in the package.
20 You can play games with beer, but it won't play games with you.
125 reasons why chocolate is better than sex:
1 The average piece of chocolate is at least six inches long.
2 Chocolates stay hard for a week.
3 Chocolate won't tell you size doesn't count.
4 Chocolates don't get too excited.
5 A chocolate never suffers from performance anxiety.
6 Chocolates are easy to pick up.
7 You can fondle chocolates in a supermarket.
8 ...and you know how firm it is before you take it home.
9 Chocolates can get away any weekend.
10 With a chocolate you can get a single room.
11 ...and you won't have to check in as "MRS. Chocolate".
12 A chocolate will always respect you in the morning.
13 You can go to the movie with a chocolate ... and see the movie.
14 At a drive-in, you can stay in the front seat.
15 Chocolate can always wait until you get home.
16 A chocolate won't eat all the popcorn.
17 ... or send you out for Milk Duds.
18 A chocolate won't drag you to a John Wayne film festival.
19 A chocolate won't ask: "Am I the first!"
20 Chocolates don't care if you are a virgin.
21 Chocolates won't tell other chocolates you're a virgin.
22 Chocolates won't tell anyone your not a virgin anymore.
23 With chocolates, you don't have to be a virgin more than once.
24 Chocolates won't write your name and number on the men's room wall.
25 Chocolates don't have sex hangups.
26 Chocolates won't make you wear kinky clothes.
27 Chocolates won't go to bed with boots on.
28 Chocolates aren't into rope or leather.
29 You can have as many chocolates as you can handle.
30 You only eat chocolates when you feel like it.
31 Chocolates never need a round of applause.
32 Chocolates won't ask: Am I the best? How was it?
33 Chocolates aren't jealous of your Gynecologist, or hair dresser.
34 A chocolate won't want to join your support group.
35 A chocolate never wants to improve your mind.
36 Chocolates aren't into meaningful conversations.
37 Chocolates won't ask about your last lover...
38 ...or speculate about your next one.
39 A chocolate will never make a scene because there are other chocolates
in the refrigerator.
40 A chocolate won't mind hiding in the refrigerator when your mother comes.
41 No matter how old you are, you can always get a fresh chocolate.
42 Chocolates can handle rejection.
43 A chocolate won't pout if you have a headache.
44 A chocolate won't care what time of the month it is.
45 A chocolate never wants to get it on when your nails are wet.
46 A chocolate won't give it up for lent.
47 With a chocolate, you never have to say you're sorry.
48 Chocolates don't leave whisker burns, fall asleep on
your chest, or drool on the pillow.
49 A chocolate won't give you a hickey.
50 Chocolates can stay up all night...
51 ...and you won't have to sleep in the wet spot.
Afterwards, A chocolate won't:
52 ...want to shake hands and be friends.
53 ...say, "I'll call you a cab."
54 ...tell you he's not the marrying kind.
55 ...call his mother, ex-wife, or therapist.
56 ...take you to confession.
57 Chocolates don't leave you wondering for a month.
58 Chocolates won't make you go to the drugstore.
59 Chocolates won't tell you a vasectomy will ruin it for them.
60 A chocolate a day keeps the OB-GYN away.
61 A chocolate won't work your crossword with ink.
62 A chocolate isn't allergic to your cat.
63 With chocolates, you don't have to play Florence Nightingale during
the flu season.
64 Chocolates never answer your phone or borrow your car.
65 A chocolate won't eat all your food or drink all your liquor.
66 A chocolate doesn't turn your bathroom into a library.
67 Chocolates won't go through your medicine chest.
68 A chocolate doesn't use your toothbrush, roll-on, or hairspray.
69 Chocolates won't leave hair on the sink or a ring in the tub.
70 Chocolates don't leave dirty shorts on the floor.
71 A chocolate never fogets to flush the toilet.
72 A chocolate doesn't flush the toilet while you are taking a shower.
73 With a chocolate, the toilet seat is always the way you left it.
74 Chocolate don't compare you to a centerfold.
75 Chocolates don't tell you they liked you better with long hair.
A chocolate will never leave you...
76 ...for another woman.
77 ...for another man.
78 ...for another chocolate.
79 A chocolate will never call and say, "I have to work late, honey."
80 ...and then come home smelling like another woman.
81 A chocolate never snaps your bra, pinches your butt or gives you a snuggy.
82 You always know where your chocolate has been.
83 A chocolate never has to call "the wife."
84 Chocolates never have mid-life crises.
85 A chocolate won't leave you for a cheerleader or an ex- nun.
86 Chocolates don't play the guitar and try to find themselves.
You won't find out later that your chocolate...
87 ...is married.
88 ...is on penicillin.
89 ...likes you, but loves your brother.
90 A chocolate doesn't have softball practice on the day you move.
91 Chocolates never tell you what they did on R&R.
92 A chocolate won't ask for a promotion just when you're up for a promotion.
93 Chocolates don't care if you make more money than they do.
94 A chocolate won't wear a leisure suit to your office christmas party.
95 You don't have to wait until halftime to talk to your chocolate.
96 A chocolate won't leave town on new year's eve.
97 A chocolate won't take you to a disco and dump you for a flashy outfit.
98 Chocolates never want to take you home to Mom.
99 A chocolate doesn't care if you always spend the holidays with your family.
100 A chocolate won't ask to be put throught Med school.
101 A chocolate won't tell you he's outgrown you intellectually.
102 Chocolates never expect you to have little chocolates.
103 Chocolates don't say "Lets keep trying until we have a boy."
104 A chocolate won't insist the little chocolates be raised Catholic, Jewish,
or orthodox vegetarian.
105 A chocolate will never contest a divorce, demand a property settlement or
seek custody of anything.
106 It's easy to drop a chocolate.
107 You can GET chocolate
108 "If you love me, you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.
109 Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
110 You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
111 You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
112 You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
113 If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind.
114 Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called
115 The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.
116 You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working
hours without upsetting your work mates.
117 You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
118 You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
119 With chocolate there's no need to fake it.
120 Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.
121 You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
122 Good chocolate is easy to find.
123 You can never be too young or too old for chocolate.
124 When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake.
125 With chocolate size doesn't matter; its always good!
6/14/2006 12:22 pm
Chocolate is better than sex |
Where oh where has my lillith gone?
~It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved!
Be Good to those around you!
6/18/2006 8:27 am
Chocolate is better than sex, eh? Considering I haven't had it in so long, I believe it. |