Could it be?  

rm_Ladyt53 64F
353 posts
12/25/2005 6:34 pm

Last Read:
4/12/2007 10:25 pm

Could it be?

Well it’s Christmas day and I’m on vacation in Sunny Florida, laying here in my hotel room with my laptop writing a blog. Oh Lawd! I must be losing it for sure…lol, anyway Merry Christmas everyone!

I’m beginning to believe that I’ve become addictive to AdultFriendFinder, that may explain why I’ve kept my profile active after nearly one full year has passed and I’ve only met one person that I’ve wanted to be with, who was actually close to what he claimed to be in his profile. It’s hard to imagine that so many others write dishonest information about themselves as if it will go unnoticed when you finally meet them face-to-face.

With that thought in mind I held on hoping that one of these days I’ll receive a worthwhile message from someone who isn’t utterly nuts, but then perhaps I should have been questioning my own sanity at that point because after all it was I that had given them this medium in which to reach me. Oh well being able to vent through my blog is one of the advantage points to being an AdultFriendFinder member.

The day is almost over, and that melancholic feeling that I get this time of year for the past four years since my mother’s death is nearly up. I don’t know why I feel so troubled during the holiday season, perhaps it’s knowing that today would have been my Mom’s birthday, I can’t explain it, it comes over me like a wet blanket almost suffocating the life from me and it hangs over like an unwanted house guest and zaps my strength for nearly a fortnight and just as quickly as it came upon me it disappears the same way and I’m okay again until the next year around the same time.

I kind of thought this year would be a little different because unlike the previous few years, I know that once the holiday is over I’ll be spending more time with my newfound friend, thinking of him makes my heart smile. He’s called me every single day since our first meeting. He plans to meet me at the airport this time. Who knows, we might just take a flight and go somewhere exotic for a few days, hmmmmm, that would be so nice? Just thinking out loud.

Now, what was really nice was the beautifully wrapped gift box that was delivered to my office on Friday morning, with a note attached “Do not open me before Christmas”. I can’t begin to tell you how hard it was not to rip through the layers of paper and open that box right then and there, but I promised myself that I would be good and follow the instructions. So I packed the gift in the bottom of my suitcase and tried to forget that it was there.

Once I arrived at my hotel early yesterday morning, I registered for my suite and had my luggage delivered, I unpacked so that I could shower and change out of my winter clothes before heading out on the town. The first thing that fell up out my luggage was the gift-wrapped package. I fondled it, shaking it while putting it up close to my ear, sniffing at it to see if there were any fragrances, still remembering the chocolate covered strawberries a few weeks ago. I did everything except tear away the wrappings, and that took every once of strength that I could muster up not to do so. Placing the box inside the room’s safe and again making the promise that I would not open this gift until Christmas morning.

After my shower and quick change I sauntered out of the hotel and onto the crowded strip, where there were thousands of other vacationers, trooping in and out of the little shops, bars and eateries along Ocean Drive. I walked the beach until dusk, then stood and watched the sun turn into a beautiful orange ball and slowly sink into the sea, as the night fell upon the city.

There is always a party atmosphere here in South Beach and I’m sure that a little of everything goes on right beneath your nose in this lair of sinners, I know what I had on my mind, but he was several hundred miles away and untouchable at this time so I could only wish. I returned to my room and changed into a nice sundress and added some strappy high-heeled sandals to set it off then hurried back out for dinner and dancing at one of the many clubs in the area. I started out at a place called Club Deuce and ended my night at Rendezvous On The Beach, which is just down the street from my hotel.

It was near midnight when I arrived back at the hotel. Tired and sweaty from the dancing, needing to shed the clothing that I had on and take a quick shower to rise off the smell of cheap cologne and cigar/cigarette smoke. The glow from the face of the digital clock was reading eleven fifty five so with 5 minutes left before the hour I laid across the bed after turning on the television, I sat up several minutes later or what I thought was several minutes later looked at the clock once more and two hours had passed.

My hands grew sweaty as I opened the hotel room safe and pulled out my gift-wrapped package. Slinking back over to the bed ready to rip into the wrapping, I took a few more seconds to read the card that was also attached. There was a beautiful (very personal) message written to me explaining the reason for the gift. Like I said before this man makes my heart smile, I have to pinch myself to make sure I’m not dreaming.

Okay I’m getting to that! I finally opened the package, and inside the box was another smaller boxed that had been gift wrapped as well, I torn off that wrapping too and there was another box only this one was a vinyl box the kind that jewelry comes in. My smile has become my face as I nearly ripped the top from the box opening it. Nawwwww it wasn’t a diamond ring, I should have told you before, the box was too big to be a ring box. It was a diamond tennis bracelet, I can’t say for sure, but from the size of the stones I’m guessing it’s at least 4 carets with E quality stones on a platinum setting.

I’ve been calling him all day, but haven’t gotten an answer yet, I know he’s spending time with his children, so I’ll be patient and wait for him to return my calls. I’ve wanted to post this blog, but I also know that I need to speak with him before doing so.

Lonelywoman56 60F

12/25/2005 8:51 pm

Hi Lady, I'm a 49 year old woman from Pa. I can relate to a lot of your post (except the bracelet part) I like to blog my feelings up here too and read about others thoughts. Good luck with your new man. I'm to gun-shy to ever handle another relationship, maybe someday but I don't think so. I wouldn't have been able to wait till Christmas with the gift, I'm weak!

spoldrtn812 51F  
1056 posts
12/26/2005 11:23 am

Habari Gani Queen!!!! Ladyt53 the universe places us where we are supposed to be in devine order!!! Your purpose today was to give me the message you gave me!! I am ever so grateful to read your post!! I can relate to the AdultFriendFinder portion for sure and yes it is addictive. More I feel your pain. This is my first year without my dad! I have been a basket case. Everyone says with such ease it'll be ok Yes it WILL but, right NOW it isn't!!!! I am feeling better reading a realistic account of my emotions without minimizing them. Now I have hope that they will pass!

I am so happy for you your friend is a jewel himself BLESSINGS BE!!! I've received gifts but you go Queen!! I wanna be just like you when I grow up!!

During Kwanzza is a perfect time to thank you for the woman you are! Thank you for your eloquence in articulating you feelings.
Thank you for setting an example through your words of being a proud African-American Queen.
Thank you for sharing with me personally through blogworld

Please know and believe that although we are here in this forum What I have received from you no brother could've given it to me. Thank you for taking time out for a sister like me that has many women in her life but not many positive role models and your never to old to have one.

Thank you thank you thank you!!!!!PJ

Please, Sign my Guestbook Screw me!

rm_Ladyt53 64F
122 posts
12/26/2005 5:46 pm


I am happy that my thoughts may have brought you some comfort. I have to say that the feeling of lost may dim with time, but the love you have for that person will always bring some amounts of pain, for me it’s always during the advent season when my emotions are stirred the most, but there are other times as well, I’ve learned that when I’m feeling a little down it helps me to have a conversation with my Mom, even though she’s no longer of this world she still lives on inside of me.

Please keep in mind that not every one knows your feelings, and of course they often offer advise with no regards as to how it effects you, it seems that most people think that when it comes to death and dieing that it’s a one size fit all sentiment. The truth is no one knows you’re feelings, and it’s okay to let them know that for future reference if you wanted they opinion on how long it will take for you to get over your grief that you will give it to them. Not to be unkind, but love does not end when life does, so how can anyone expect a person to just get over losing someone that they love. I relate to what you’re saying because I’ve been told the same thing many times.

I truly enjoy these moments of sharing. Best Wishes and Happy Holidays to you my friend.


rm_Ladyt53 64F
122 posts
12/26/2005 6:30 pm

Hey lonelywoman,

Thanks for the encouragement! I hope that I dont come across like some mindless boaster; truth is Im soaring higher then an eagle right about now. I never expected to find anyone as pleasant, courteous and generous as my friend, especially after the many months of meeting an assorted group of (I know Im going to get a lot of grief from this, but its the truth) losers.

Its taken us six months of on-line chats and phone calls to finally meet in person but it was well worth the wait. My only hope now is that the relationship will last as long.

Im sending you nine of my favorite quotes about a love lost, this may help you to understand that its okay to jump back into the game without much hesitation, lolwe all need to feel loved at some time, I hope that these will inspire you the way that they have for me. BTW #8 is the one that I apply to my lifes issues.

Happy Holidays,


1) Washington Irving
Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart.

2) Otomo No Yakamochi
Better never to have met you in my dream than to wake and reach for hands that are not there.

3) Anonymous
Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop.

4) Jean Anouilh
There is love of course. And then there's life, its enemy.

5) Alfred Lord Tennyson
'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

6) Kahlil Gibran
Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.

7) Margaret Mitchell
I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken -- and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived.

G. K. Chesterton
The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.

9) Socrates
The hottest love has the coldest end.

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