White Men...Black Men  

rm_Kissmystuff 61F
2665 posts
2/8/2006 6:29 pm

Last Read:
6/28/2009 2:52 pm

White Men...Black Men

ยง As far as I'm concerned...a man...is a man...is a man.

Yes...there are diffences...other than skin color...hair texture and other physical characteristics. But those differences have more to do with culture and childhood environment.

I've dated both black men and white men...and believe me...there are some of both races that I wouldn't touch with a fork.

I've read in some books on the psychology of racism...that some white men fear the possibility of black men being better endowed then the average white man...or better in bed.
Well speaking from experience...I've run across white men who were huge...and black men who were small. The majority of both seemed to be average in size. So as far as I can see...penis size has very little to do with race. And the performance in bed has more to do with the man's thoughtfulness and sensitivity to his partner's needs than anything else.

There was an incident that happened years ago...something I think of and regret from time to time. I had met a beautiful man...he was white. He had auburn hair...hazel eyes...nice body...a wonderful wit and sharp mind. It was our second date. Neither of us had a car...so we took a cab downtown for dinner and a movie.

As we emerged from the taxi...there were two black men coming down the sidewalk. They stopped...stared at me and my date...and begin to talk loudly. "Look at this" one said..."what are you doing with him sister?" The other one said "she must be getting paid".

The funny thing about this whole scene is that they were walking with a white woman between them...a fact that they were apparently overlooking in their ridicule and confrontation of me and my date.

Well this had the effect of ruining the whole evening. I was so tense and stressed...I made some rather hurtful remarks. Neither one of us could relax after that...and simply enjoy each other's company. I never saw him again after that night. I lost a friend and a possible lover...because of my inability to deal with the reverse racism.

I've learned since that time.I no longer allow someone's bigotry to influence who I date and how I react. Believe me...there are still people who stare even in this day and age.

I've often wished I could go back to that night and let him know how much I liked him...appreciated him and valued him as a friend.


rm_FreeLove999 46F
16127 posts
2/9/2006 12:53 am

as a white south african, i was totally indoctrinated with prejudice from an early age. however, i was born in england and my dad's best friend when we lived there was a black dominican guy, so it was at the same time made clear to me that racism was unacceptable.

from this setup, i quite literally had two sets of beliefs-- but i knew very well that the right one was anti-racism and anti-xenophobia, and i practiced that in my life to a large extent.

when i went to university (still under apartheid), i got on better with the black girls (particularly the Sotho and Tswana ones), than the stuck up white girls. however, one day in a conversation about racism and jobs, i confessed that if faced with two identical candidates (theoretical position, but in reality its impossible), with only their skin colour to tell them apart i would most likely pick a white person.

my friend, a black girl, was startled and upset, but i did not back down. we carried on being friends (god, what an amazing person she is!), but then she went to the US to be with her father and we wrote letters to each other (pre-internet). i received a letter from her one day asking me to retract my position in this conversation.

i still felt the same, and would not. i pointed out to her that i would always choose the best person for the job, and this "identical" candidate thing could never arise in reality, but she never wrote to me again. i completely understand -- NOW -- why; at the time i really could not see past my own prejudice.

i wish i knew where she was now so that i could apologise for my stupidity, my blindness and my ignorance. now if faced with two identical applicants (except for skin colour) i know i would be more inclined to pick the black candidate (because I believe we need to make reparations for our history) -- but actually, that is also a prejudiced position.

thankfully there are no "identical" candidates, so I don't have to make the decision ... furthermore, I am anti-capitalist and therefore not much inclined to employing anyone.

still this matter is still a bit unresolved in my mind.

thanks for talking about this issue.

[blog freelove999]

campfirecozy 66M

2/9/2006 8:31 am

"I've often wished I could go back to that night and let him know how much I liked him...appreciated him and valued him as a friend."

If he is reading here, you just did.

rm_starbowler2 52M

2/9/2006 8:35 am

I read your blog with great interest....you are very good at putting your thoughts down in writing ( I wish I was ). I also experienced racism while on a date twice.Once was with a black lady,and as we walked down the strret of stillwater......we also had two black men question her on her choice of date.but she was very cool about it and put them in their place.It did not work out for us romanticly but I am so glad that we are still friends to this day and go out to lunch everyweek. The other time was with a asain lady. After a month of dating,I meet her family.....thats when her parents took me aside and explain to me that they did not like thier daughter dating any non-asian guys.And foolishly I ended that relationship (that was before the black lady).I learned from that....and I no longer let others decide my life for me or who I am friends with or date.So,I know what you went throu......it is hurtful to experience racism.

rm_Kissmystuff 61F
1435 posts
2/9/2006 9:02 am


Thanks for responding to this topic.

For the past two to three hundred years...race has been made an issue. Prior to that time...this form of racism didn't really exist. It was created first by the British...in regards to the Welsh...and later became a tool of the institution of American and European slavery and financial greed. At the beginning of this country...many whites arrived as slaves and endentured servants.

Racism has been made a part of the very fabric of this and other countries...and ingrained into the minds of the people. It is a very rare individual who is not influenced by this. It has even become a part of the language.

To prove a point...take a look at the dictionary. Look up the word "black". According to what it says...Blacks are without redemption...evil...etc. Then look up the word "white". According to the dictionary...this is everything good...of sterling character...etc. Don't take my word for it...really...look for yourself.

In those times when Blacks were the ruling race in the world... before the civilization of Europe...whites were often looked down upon as savages and inferior. The wheel turns.

In the past I have been in the position to hire and fire.
I would not pick someone...just because of their race...one way or the other. Equal candidates...applying for a job...at that point...I would hold a long discussion with both applicants...whichever I "clicked" with would get the job.

To some extent...we are ALL victims of racism.



rm_Kissmystuff 61F
1435 posts
2/9/2006 9:11 am


Thanks for coming and leaving a comment. If only he were reading here...but I guess we never really know. Maybe at some point in the future...I will be able to let him know.


Thanks for visiting and sharing your experiences. Yes it is painful to experience racism. It leaves a scar on the psyche.



fantasia_shares 47M/43F
4164 posts
2/9/2006 5:39 pm

I am glad there are other people out there who think like I do about race. Race is just about the color of one's skin and only that. To make it more, is demeaning to the person, unless, like in S. Africa there is a serious need for reparations. Clearly there are people, who right now, in this lifetime, have been horrifically harmed by descrimination and prejudice and the wrongs have clearly not been made right.

You might want to know who to watch out for around here: Are YOU a Dirty Bad Man or Woman? !

Please tell me the secrets of your sex appeal Primping!

And a MUST READ: [post 2294897]

Just shamelessly pimping my own damned blog!

digdug41 49M

2/9/2006 5:42 pm

I have had my share of all kinds of women, and I could care less about what some one has to say, it is me who has to live with my choices, my wife is a latina her mother is white, when we first started dating and white boys would stare at us and wifey is a ditz she never seemed to catch it but I did and when they would stare I would pull her close to me and kiss her then look at them and laugh, these kats would be tight over it and that was just there problem so to those who dont like it I say its on them, lifes too short to be belly achin over the wrapping you came to this planet in, do what makes ya happy is all I have to say, good post

roaming the cyber streets of blogland

rm_Kissmystuff 61F
1435 posts
2/9/2006 6:13 pm


Thanks for visiting and leaving a comment. What so many of us don't really seem to understand is that often the "higher powers" if you will...that fuel racism...is really about class and economics. If we can be kept fighting amongst ourselves...because of our differences...when will we have the time to really examine and address the real issues. We all come from a common gene pool...the HUMAN race.


I was very young at the time of that incident. As my knowledge grew...so did my confidence. Anyone who approaches me in such a way now...is left with verbal razor cuts.


Babel__Fish 45F

2/11/2006 8:43 am

I like that you learned from the experience and have changed your way of thinking about how you let others effect your life and I DO know that it IS hard to do.


Nice blog btw.

rm_Kissmystuff 61F
1435 posts
2/11/2006 10:59 am


Once again...thanks for your comments. There's a sickness of the soul in the world today...it's called racism. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could all just BE?


Thank you for visiting and leaving your thoughts.

I think my reaction to that incident was more a feeling of guilt...as though I was somehow betraying Black men by being with a white man. Mentally...I knew better. It was a deep emotional and psychological reaction. It surprised me...and I didn't handle it very well.


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