THE MYTH OF MARRIAGE  

rm_Kissmystuff 61F
2665 posts
11/11/2005 8:57 am

Last Read:
12/27/2006 9:36 am

THE MYTH OF MARRIAGE

Some of my friends and family members get very upset with me when I talk about the Myth of Marriage. In spite of the religious propaganda...marriage is an institution created by humans to benefit the society/culture/family unit. According to anthropologists the purpose of marriage was:
*Division of labor by sex...husbands hunting... women gathering...agriculturists...cooking.
*Prolonged infant dependency
*Sexual competition...need to limit conflict and competition...between males for the females.

The various forms of marriage include:

*MONOGAMY -is a one husband...one wife marriage;
*POLYGYNY -is a one husband, more than one wife marriage;
*POLYANDRY -is a one wife, more than one husband marriage.

In western cultures...you know that marriage is most often understood to be between a man and a woman...Monogamy is the predominant model. However...there are countries where polygyny is practiced, and the amount of wives often reflects the wealth and status of the man. Polyandry is also still practiced, but in less than 1% of the total world societies.

There have been cultures where even though a couple...a man and woman were married...it was understood that they also had a "friend" outside of their marriage. That "friend" might also be of the same sex. Ancient cultures seemed to have had a greater understanding of the concept of bi-sexuality or homosexuality and did not demonize those people who might indulge in them.

The western culture's concept of marriage is changing. In spite of the fact that many people seem to be panicking...racing around trying to pass legislation to keep the "sacrament of marriage" between one man and one woman"...the evolution of marriage is progressing. But these are also people who are ignoring the facts of the past and present. The concept of family has undergone change in the past and will continute to do so. The concept of marriage has included the various types of marriage...including same sex marriage. The concept of marriage will change to best fit the needs of the society.

I believe "group marriage" is becoming more likely. Quite frankly...I like the idea of group marriage. This is by no means a new concept. Group marriage is one that involves a plurality of both men and women...who bring to the group the qualities...talents...resources..that might be needed and shared by the group or family unit.

Personally...I think I would most enjoy the POLYANDRY model of marriage...the one wife...and several husbands model. After all...can just one person really fulfill ALL your needs and desires?I might even be willing to consider sharing a man with other women...as long as I was the alpha female. Everything with the consent of the other(s) But then once again...I admit that I'm in trainning to be a "dirty old lady"...(not old enough yet). And you might consider...that "little ole ladies...ain't what they used to be". LOL

The secret is out...I KNOW that there are some pretty intelligent people who are members/visiting this website. Maybe you think my opinions are just ass backwards...and make no sense at all. Or maybe you agree with me. And by the way...I like to know what other WOMEN think...as well as men. So...give me your thoughts. I'm always willing to learn.

(If you're interested in the topic...and want to read more about it...a good place to start would be:
"THE FUTURE OF LOVE"...by Daphne Rose Kingma; and "BIOLOGICAL EXUBERANCE - ANIMAL HOMOSEXUALITY AND NATURAL DIVERSITY", 1999 by Bruce Bagemihl)


Kiss


redswallow777 48M
6810 posts
2/10/2006 7:08 am

I have to think you are a teacher, kiss. Your posts are always filled with lots of facts and definitions. Thank you for directing me over here today.

You are right in saying that the institution of marriage is changing. When my mate and I chose to study and follow the Open Marriage concept of relationship it was a bit out on the edge for many people. That was 30+ years ago. Today many people take for granted the changes it suggested around relationship and roles.

I wish I could feel your confidence, however, when it comes to the future. It seems for the moment society is trying with all it's might to turn back the hands of time. I am not confident we will see group marriage any time soon. The idea of marriage has been hijacked by the heterosexual community to the detriment of many good, sincere couples of other persuasions.

Thanks for the thoughful post. Alph female, huh?


oldman1776 78M
3164 posts
2/10/2006 3:29 pm

Your right the attitued towards marriage is changeing but there still are people whos attitued will never change.

Very good post.


rm_Kissmystuff 61F
1435 posts
2/10/2006 8:09 pm

redswallow

I don't have a teaching degree...although I have done some teaching.

There is always resistance to change. But change is coming. Resistance is always strongest in the throes of death. It may well get worse before it gets better. It is important to keep your faith in the future. I think there are more people who feel this way...but just don't have the courage to step forward.

Yup...Alpha Female...LOL...I'm very good at being the boss.

honni

There are always those brave souls who are first in bringing about the changes that occur in society. The "old guard" usually feels threatened and resists that change. These "new" concepts of marriage and relationships really aren't new. It's a return to some of the ancient ways...when we were more attuned with the whole aspect of being human...not just the physical body...but the mental/psyche and the soul/spirit as well.

oldman

Thanks for coming to visit and leaving a comment.

I believe is change is coming whether some alter their attitudes or not. Necessity will dictate that change. It may take a hundred years...four generations. But it will come.

Kiss


sexymermaid6956 63F
26393 posts
2/11/2006 9:47 am

I am getting a feeling we have been here befor in a way...the comunes of the 60's..my favorite one was the Onieda one . it was started for the sexual freedom and lifestyle and it supstained its self by mining silver and what is left of it is know still to day in its silerware.. flatware( ONIEDA SILVERWARE) i dont think that the hippies fee love comune lasted as well as the business part of it..mmm love your post..very good..POLYANDRY..now that would be my cup of tea for sure..fore many reasons..

[]

Seduce my mind and my body


rm_Kissmystuff 61F
1435 posts
2/11/2006 11:22 am

sexymermaid

I always like it when people stop in and leave a comment...thank you.

Yes...some of it does sound like the hippy communes of the 60's...doesn't it. Like I said...Polyandry would be my first choice as well.

I would never have made the connection between Onieda silverware and a commune. How interesting! Thanks for the info.

Kiss


LazarusLongines 62M

2/11/2006 9:09 pm

Well, it is a very interesting perspective. After 5 or so years in the divorced pile, I came to believe, and I would tell anyone who listened, that in our modern culture marriage is a bad deal for men and a terrible deal for women. It seems that everywhere I turn I see women struggling to swim in "love's debris" as the singer so eloquently put it. If half of the houses built in this country every year burned to the ground there would be an outcry of disbelief. Yet half of the families created this year will crumble to the ground and we still press on and on in the same direction. It makes no sense to me. But I do believe that many women pay closer attention to what they wear and picking out shoes than picking out a husband and many men will memorize the sports page every day and forget what their wife wore the day before. I have no answers. But I do have the name of a good lawyer.


rm_1hotwahine 63F
21091 posts
2/13/2006 6:57 pm

I just think we are evolving out of the need for marriage. But like all growth, there is an awkward stange and that's where we are now. We still think we "need" it yet we outgrow it, so we, as a species, are all confused. It'll make more sense in another 50 years or so.

No foundation for this theory. It's just Evolution According to Wahine.

Thanks for the thoughtful post.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


rm_Kissmystuff 61F
1435 posts
2/13/2006 8:41 pm

Wahine

Thanks for visiting and leaving your comment.

All theories are welcome. Yes...I think it will all make more sense in another 50 to 100 years. Evolution does take time.

Kiss


tillerbabe 56F

2/14/2006 1:15 am

This is great stuff! Personally, I "defy" marriage....it's never been a goal...and it's never not been a gaol. It just is. Iknow that waht ever I end up with, it will be non-traditional, but filled with love. I have never followed societal standards...and I probably never will. Thank you for this! {=}


blueguy1051 60M

2/15/2006 6:32 am

Yes, there are many of us who have alternative attitudes to the traditional male-female relationships. 30 years ago, I thought that we were starting to liberate our society. With the movement toward theocracy in the U.S., I feel that cultural evolution will be stunted.

But it's always nice to read someone else who feels as I do.


MissAnnThrope 56F
11488 posts
2/20/2006 11:34 am

I've long thought women need three lovers in their lives... One to take care of sexual needs, one to take care of intellectual needs and one to take care of emotional needs. Sadly, since women tend to outnumber men in this country, thanks to things like wreckless living, war, etc., I don't I'll ever have that.


LadytoPleaseYou 64F
5447 posts
2/20/2006 8:39 pm

I don't think we have outgrown a need for marriage I think instead we have lost a desire for the committment it takes to stay married. We are no longer a people who believe in sharing a love and a life with just one person. I think that people are more "me first" minded and have little tolerence for "putting up" with the problems that marriage can bring. Instead of trying to work things out they both just head for divorce court. Many times you will find that a man and woman in a marriage become selfish and want things their way or no way. The wife won't put out so the hubby goes elsewhere. The hubby won't help with the kids, housework ect, so the wife is too tired to think about sex. I think this may have started when the economy got to where it took two paychecks to support one family. No more Beaver Clever. Instead both parents are out working and trying to support their lifestyle and something is lost... The ties that bind these people together as a family.
I am not saying that we should go back to this. I don't think it is possible. We have come too far and like several have said, changes are going to happen. Our society has to adjust to the changing times and will do so. What was once a traditional marriage is gone. Marriages of the future, if they still exist will become a new tradition and our parents marriage will fall into the dusty history books along with early Roman views on sexuality and medevil relationships.
Is it a good thing or bad? Who knows. I just know it will change.
Sorry I didn't mean to take over your blog.

PENIS CHARMING....where are you?


rm_Kissmystuff 61F
1435 posts
2/26/2006 11:12 am

tiller...

You're welcome and thanks for stopping by. I'm glad the post has provoked so much thought on the subject.

blueguy...

Thanks for coming and leaving your comment. Personally I think the actons of the "moral right" are something like the deaththroes...before giving up the ghost. It's interesting how others feel they have to control the behavior of others in order to feel secure. I think it may well get worse...before it gets better.

mizz...

I don't think marriage will ever completely disappear...it's something society will always need. But I do think there will be other forms of marriage.

Group marriage is something which has existed in other cultures before. In some African societies...the children belonged to everyone and were cared for and nurtured by all the adults. Child abuse was virtually unheard of. The Hebrew...Greek...Roman...Islamic...and then the European style of Christianity changed the forms of marriage to a large extent. The role of women was signicantly changed in these societies. The martiarchal societies became patriarchal...male domination began and with it the subjugation of women...and children...with the concept being that both belonged to the males.

Regarding your question..."my posts...tongue in cheek"? No. I am serious about what I've written in this post here and all my posts contain mostly truth. In the poetry...I do take "poetic license".

I do believe there are hard times coming...when survival will depend on interaction...binding together of groups of people and the inter-dependency of members of those groups.

I was first introduced to the concept of group marriage through a sci-fi novel "Stranger in a Strange Land" by Robert Heinlein.

As for love...It's something I want. I do believe there are different kinds of love and that you can love more than one person.

MissAnn...

There was a time in history when women and men of various cultures did have more than one lover/husband/wife. Given the current state of society and the things to come...there probably won't be enough men to go around.

But I am also looking at what happened during the tsunami and the deaths of 10's of thousands of people who lost their lives. A good many of them seem to have been women and children. There is now a shortage of women in some of those places in the world. There are reports of girls as young as 12 being forced into marriage by men left without females. I think the wise thing for these people to do would be to let go of the patriarchal attitudes and allow the remaining women to choose more than one man...in order to continue the community and insure a wider gene pool.

Lady...

I enjoy discussion...no need to apologize for the length of your comment.

I think most people go into marriage today with every intention of making it work. You make an excellent point...the pressures of today make it extremely hard...if not impossible for some...to maintain a healthy family unit.

The wheel turns. The forms of marriage put forth in the post are nothing new...but come about...as the need arises...and I believe that need will come upon us.

Thanks to all of you for the lively discussion...I've enjoyed it!

kiss

Kiss


MsLoveRose 33F  
2432 posts
3/11/2006 5:33 pm

there is a show about to air on hbo about a man who has 3 wives...i can see the critics now...

live more, laugh often, love much


TopFisher 63M

3/18/2006 4:33 am

Polyamory....

The ability to love more than one person at a time, and I mean LOVE not jsut fuck around with.

Oh BTW I'm vry much a member of such. though I'm totally monogamous today. I am such because the woman I love so much requires such to be with her. I desire her over all others and she does not disappoint me, so I'm hers!

Even though my views have not change, my behavior has.

This:"Personally...I think I would most enjoy the POLYANDRY model of marriage...the one wife...and several husbands model. After all...can just one person really fulfill ALL your needs and desires?"

Is in reality selfish of any man or woman... dosed heavily with ignorance I might add.

None of it is wrong, only how it's implemented can be viewed as right or wrong. YES I KNOW!

BTW, different is not wrong! But suc will not in our lifetime become what is calle mainstream! The romans sorta fucked us, sp tp speak....


rm_redy2luv06 71M

10/2/2006 2:52 pm

Like all people who want to justify and action or a change in a moral or social behavior the first thing to do is to discredit the behavior you want to change. That certainly is your right.

Marriage (monogamous) is still about complete committment to one another in union with God. It really is that simple. It is NOT religious propa ganda. Every generation try's to justify their reasons for not carrying on with that committment.

I know this will open up the floodgates but someone has to give a desenting opinion.


rm_Kissmystuff 61F
1435 posts
12/27/2006 9:36 am

Hello Redy...

You're more than welcome here..and are free to give a dissenting opinion whenever you have one. It's all about discussion and learning..exchanging thoughts and points of view.

There are some books about the history of marriage you might find interesting. Marriage has become what it is..only in the last several decades. Prior to that time...it had more to do with economics and power.

Kiss


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