STUD OR LOVER...WHAT DO WOMEN WANT?  

rm_Kissmystuff 61F
2665 posts
11/14/2005 10:37 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

STUD OR LOVER...WHAT DO WOMEN WANT?

This is a conversation...a question...that has been coming up a lot among my female friends. I can't really speak for other women...only myself. I guess...there have been times when I can appreciate the "slam bam...thank you mam" attitude that the image of a stud would imply. There are times when I have wanted it...now...quick. And then just wanted the guy to be gone...not have to bother with any of the social expectations. Sex just for the sake of sex...a man providing a quick service. Now in the field of animal husbandry...it's for the sake of simply impregnating the female...her enjoyment not necessary. A simple syringe would do the job.
It would also seem to me...that a "stud" needs the accolades of other men...so he finds a need to talk and brag about his exploits to others. This seems to help to build his ego and confirm his manhood. Is this even a fair and accurate image or description of a "stud"? I don't really know. Maybe other women...would describe them differently. For that matter...men may have a different view altogether.

Now...the image or discription for a Lover...mmmm. That's something I can really get my libido around. A lover...to my way of thinking...is someone who takes his time. He's there to make the woman happy...to bring her pleasure...and in so doing...heightens his own. he's willing to spend that extra effort. I think the essence of a true lover softens a woman's heart toward him...and many women are willing to give much to such a man. He may be a jerk otherwise...but if he's a good lover...many women will overlook those shortcomings. Sometimes...it doesn't really make a lot of sense. How women will ignore the bad for the satisfaction of the physical. In one way...such a relationship may give a little emotional fulfillment...but can leave a woman mostly empty and lying to herself in order to fill the void.

Are there REAL lovers out there? Men capable of taking their time to physically satisfy a woman...but also able to give time and attention to other aspects of her being? I think such men are few and far between. I think they're a rarity in this day and age. Or maybe many of them have been frightened away by the confusion...uncertainty and insecurity that many of us women have been experiencing. We women often manifest these things in how we relate to men when we begin to develop any kind of sexual relationship.

I believe that each woman needs to decide within herself...just what it is she wants in a man. But I also believe she needs to really get to know herself in order to come to that decision.
For me...based on the definitions and images I have regarding the two..."STUD" or "LOVER"...I choose LOVER.

I have to say...I am curious. Is there a female equivalent of "STUD" and "LOVER"...and if so...just how do men view them?


Kiss


rm_SexMadShaman 44M

11/14/2005 5:12 pm

Umm! Interesting blog, I consider myself more of a lover than a stud, as I don't feel the need to brag about my exploits & I'm confident & enjoy spending as much time as it takes to pleasure a woman, I mean really enjoy it too!!

For me its better than penetration, for a man penetration is a means to an end only, & men who don't enjoy foreplay confuse me. Anyone can just 'cum', but it takes skill & consideration to contribute to a woman having multiple orgasms & leave you thinking...."WOW! I definitely want to go back there for more"!!

I can't think of anything more fun than bringing a woman to climax so many times her legs turn to jelly, she's got butterflies, hot flushes & dizzyness, & she lies there for about 10 mins just holding her head saying "OMG!, what have you done to me, what HAVE you done"

If this happens before I'm satisfied then I've got the added fun of teasing her even more by finishing myself of while she watches...then again, maybe I've had woman with low sexual stamina & maybe I'm not as good as I think I am as if I was with a real nymphomaniac...or more than one. This is the question that drew me to registering on this site, as I'm looking to find a lady (or ladies) that explore this with with.

But I'm definitely into woman that want the whole deal, yeh, in a relationship there'll be times when it's 'wam bam thank maam', but on the whole...why anyone would want to do this with a stranger purplexes me...surely the point of doing it with a stranger is to learn something new? To push the boat out a bit & gain an experience you've never had before?

Theres plenty of ways to empty your balls without the need of using someone.

But on the whole, all the woman I've been with either preferred long drawn out sessions with lots of foreplay, or if they didn't before I met them, then they certainly did after! I know this probably sounds a little arrogant, but thats not how its meant. I learnt everything I know, by asking woman!! talking openly about sex & experimenting to find what was good for them.

Which I suppose is the difference between a stud & a lover, a stud's ego gets in the way of accepting the obvious, that a woman does know whats best for her, & by learning this he's enhancing his own masulinity & personal experience. Instead they focus on what THEY want.

Whereas a lover is an explorer, always open to even the tinest changes in technique, location & method detailed to that individual, & as he gains more experience its easier & faster to mold those techniques to the individual their with at that moment.

& Yes, there are female equivelants, but I don't know of any names or terms that I feel are appropriate to describe them!!

(WOW...sorry, didn't mean to write an essay, just got a lil carried away!!! But thats me)!!!


rm_Kissmystuff 61F
1435 posts
11/15/2005 8:42 am

@SexMadShaman:

I like the obvious thought you've put into this topic. And it seems you have thought about it...prior to reading my post.

Your handle SexMadShaman...is interesting. Are you a shaman...accomplished or becoming? Do you journey?? What a find...if indeed you do know what the hell I'm even talking about in that regard. I find that men who have that connection with their spiritual side...are usually very sensitive to others. They have an added depth and dimension...something which makes them very sexy indeed.

As long as you really have something to say...I don't mind the essays. I'm always interested in hearing the opinions of others. That's a good way to learn.

Kiss


getsumone 45M
3 posts
11/15/2005 5:59 pm

I am a male--and I am also a lover. I have many male friends and most are studs. In other words they have no conscious. I think and feel for others. In a way its a real downfall. I cant just meet anyone and have sex. Although its a fantasy of mine. But deep down inside I care about others. Getsum.


rm_Kissmystuff 61F
1435 posts
11/16/2005 12:39 am

@getsumone:

The fact that you can't just meet anyone and have sex is NOT a downfall...even though it may seem like it to you at the moment. Do you really want to be someone without a conscious...someone who has no feeling or concern for others?

The yogis of India put humans in 4 catagories:
1.Vegetable man...is someone who simply exists...life happens to him or her. Vegetable man does very little...if anything to help their own evolution...growth and development.
2. Animal man...is ruled simply by basic instinct. The need for food, shelter, sex.
3. Man Man...has evolved beyond just existing or being ruled by basic instinct. He or she recognizes the lower aspects of their being but are not ruled by them. They use their reason to balance and guide those other aspects.
4. Spirit Man...has evolved to the point that spirit guides the other 3 elements of their being. I'm not talking religion here...spirituality is something entirely different. Spirit Man...is capable of seeing the interaction and interdependence of others and is capable of empathy and understanding. This can provide the best balance of all.

I for one...prefer a man who is capable empathy and understanding. It benefits not only me..as a woman...but rewards him as well. You get back what you give.

Kiss


getsumone 45M
3 posts
11/16/2005 5:44 pm

I totally agree with what you wrote-I do empathize with others. Although it took me many years and many mistakes to get there(haha). And I do enjoy the fact that I can go to bed at night and not worry. But there is that side of me in which I would like to just meet someone for sex. Thats it. Nothing more. Just wild passionate sex. My soul binding with another soul-temporarily. After all, everything in life is temporary. Love, pain, anger, jealousy--nothing is forever here on earth. Getsum.


ptilda1123 41F

11/17/2005 8:48 pm

I think we all need a little of both, and all need to BE a little of both! It's the difference between fucking and making love that makes sex an incredible experience. Sometimes it's hot, passionate & I just need to cum, and sometimes, I want to express my love for you with my whole body. I try to balance the two. When my man just needs to cum, I have no problem dropping to my knees and swallowing his load, but then sometimes I simply want to make love for hours, and so does he. And sometimes, I want to cum quick and then hold eachother all night. Variety is the spice of life! There's no magic formula. It's what makes the suprise so much fun!


onefastmouse 52M

11/23/2005 10:05 pm

I would qualify myself as a lover with stud potential, it certainly makes sense to me that a spiritual connection makes a connection so much more enjoyable, I think many people consider this chemistry and chemistry can sometimes be just all wrong. drawing on my experiences; the times when theres a strong combination of mental, spiritual and physical attraction has certainly produced the most pleasurable times whether it be cuddling and conversation or full blown passion gotta have you now rip your clothes off sex. I think a stud persona is really and act, at least for me it is, I've tried it on and it feels clumsy. Intense passion is what I crave the most. )


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