Moving On..  

rm_Kissmystuff 61F
2665 posts
6/25/2006 11:00 am

Last Read:
7/1/2006 8:22 am

Moving On..

Well..it's time to stop stewing about things..and how I learned about my mother's death..and move on. Been doing a lot of thinking over the past few days and have come to some decisions.

Ok..so I wasn't told in a timely manner about my mother's passing. Perhaps..that is partly my own fault. True..I had given my most used phone number to members of my family..told them to call me there. But..they were also grieving..it may well have slipped their minds. They were raised for many of their years..by our mother. So they do have those memories..and that bonding with her.

I've spoken with both of my two surviving sisters..and my neice. They did tell me they had tried to reach me on my other line. My voice mail box has been full for months..I very rarely check it. I cleared it out yesterday..most of the messages people had left were over 100 days old "the maximum time allowed".

There's also the thing that we don't call each other enough..we don't reach out to each other enough. It's rather hypocritical of me to write a post Dark Thoughts..and then not follow up on these things myself.

There were six of us kids in the family. I was the baby. When we were taken from the home..I was about 2 years old. So..other than flashes of the front door of the house we lived in..and later..flashes of scenes in the orphanage..there's not much I remember until I got to be 3 and 4 years old.

My sisters tell me..my mother had a hard life..but that she did the best she could. I've held a lot of anger toward her..wondering..how could she let anyone take her children from her? But..in putting my anger aside..and really listening to what my sisters tell me..it wasn't really her fault. She had been married to a no good..devient..perverted..child molesting husband. His actions..resulted in the tearing apart..and dysfunctioning of a whole family.

He wasn't my father..or of the brother..who was the next youngest to me. My brother and I came after the break up of their marriage. Her pig of an ex-husband went down to the authorities. He got his vengence..by telling them she was an unfit mother. For the life of me..I don't understand why they would have listened to this man who had molested his own daughters.

We children were taken from her. His actions..during their marriage..and later..effected us..in that the family was further torn apart. In fact..I can see the effects..in the following generation..the families of my siblings.

Anyway..that is a whole topic in itself. I won't say any more about it now. Just know..that I've decided..to take my own advice..and reach out..embrace my sisters..and other members of my family. I will call them more..and when I can..will visit. Perhaps..the death of my mother..can begin a healing of our family.

Artwork: "Sunflowers" by Joan Hansen (Sunflowers are a symbol of hope to me.)


Kiss


Lovin_U_4_Fun 54F

6/25/2006 12:21 pm

All I can say is, I commend you and thank you for continuing to model loving actions.

Of course you were hurt by the way you learned of your mother's passing. Of course you will greive the loss of the possibilty of reconciliation with your mother. And, of course you will pick up and continue to be someone who reaches out with love and compassion. It's who you have become and who you want to be!

Thank you for sharing!


Lovin_U_4_Fun 54F

6/25/2006 12:24 pm

BTW, the poem I posted after reading one of your blogs, Forgiven, was written about my parents and the way they raised me. I wrote it after my Dad passed. At the moment, I don't recall if you have seen it, but you might like it. --lu4f


Nightguy_1961 55M
4866 posts
6/25/2006 10:10 pm

Kiss,

My lady & I send our best wishes to you and your family on moving on after this bump on your road of life...

NG61...slipping quietly back into the shadows...


rm_FreeLove999 46F
16127 posts
6/26/2006 2:33 am

so glad to hear you working through your feelings and making the best of a bad situation. i hope you had a lovely farewell ritual with your daughters!



[blog freelove999]


digdug41 49M

6/26/2006 3:45 am

hey kiss I believe things and situations like you described only happen to the strongest of souls I hope that you will be able to stay in contact with your family I know how that is it can be rough at times hang in therre

roaming the cyber streets of blogland


RevJoseyWales 69M/66F
14393 posts
6/26/2006 2:49 pm

Let's hop ethis brings you and your family closer Kiss. Joe

"McVeigh had the right idea, wrong address."

"This ain't Dodge City, and you ain't Bill Hickok."


redswallow777 48M
6810 posts
6/30/2006 8:23 pm

I'm glad you are moving on with this...it says a lot about the kind of person you are...good work!


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